


Insanity of the Immortals

by Illusinia



Category: The Avengers (2012), Thor (2011)
Genre: F/M, crack humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-06
Updated: 2013-04-29
Packaged: 2017-11-07 00:34:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 42,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/424950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Illusinia/pseuds/Illusinia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Darcy may have been keeping a minor secret...</p><p>Also known as "Time, Magic, and Darcy" for those of you who've read that one.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Why you don't scare Darcy

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah this is...crack. Its insane crack. Read at your own peril. 
> 
> For those of you insane enough to read this: enjoy!

_This is bad_ .

 

The thought echoed through Darcy's mind repeatedly. In front of her, Loki stood frozen in action. Behind her, Jane was cowering against the door to the roof. Really, this was just a bad place to be.

 

Darcy's hands were still shaking hard, though now for an entirely different reason. Yes, it was still panic, but she was more afraid of what Loki would  _do_ when he was released from his impromptu prison. And the trouble she'd be in. 

 

“Oh god!” exclaimed Darcy. “I am so sorry!”

 

Of course, she knew Loki couldn't hear her. He was frozen in time, unable to move. Still though, the need to apologize profusely was overwhelming.

 

The building itself shook as the Hulk suddenly came launching over the edge of the building, followed by Natasha, Steve, and Thor. None of them ever touched the ground, instead remaining frozen in mid air much like Loki.

 

“Damnit!” shouted Darcy, annoyed with herself for being so jumpy and with the Avengers, who currently resembled a paused action scene in a movie, for not having the mind to announce their arrival on the roof. “Really? You guys just _had_ to come barreling up the side of the building with _no warning whatsoever!_ Gods! When this chaos stops I am so-” The sensation of her cellphone vibrating in her pocket halted Darcy mid-rant. For a moment, she just blinked at the small device before sliding it out and answering the call. “Darcy Lewis here, what can I do you for?”

 

“Darcy, what is going on over there?!?” Clint sounded more than a little worried, not that Darcy could blame him. If she knew the archer (and she knew him _quite_ well), he was probably perched on a roof somewhere nearby. The strange absence of Tony Stark could possibly be explained by the same means.

 

“Uh, yeah, I kinda have a problem over here Clint,” admitted Darcy, her nerves coming back full force. It was one thing to freeze Loki, but an entirely different situation with the Avenger's frozen as well. So much for plausible deny-ability. “Is Tony with you?”

 

There was some scrambling on the line, then Tony's voice echoed over the connection. “Right here kid,

what the fuck is going on over there?”

 

“Its a long story,” explained Darcy with a sign. “Look, can you ask Clint to shoot a few arrows over here? Just at the roof around the other Avenger's feet please. Not at Loki or anyone else up here. The man can't move so its not really fair play, even though he doesn't subscribe to that anyway.”

 

“Uh, sure,” muttered Tony. She could hear him and Clint conversing for a moment (well, Clint was shouting but really, that's just semantics) before Tony came back on the line. “Yeah, no go kid. We're coming over there.”

 

“Wait!” shouted Darcy. “You've got to give me a minute to figure something out first, otherwise you might end up like the other Avengers and Loki,” pausing, she glanced at Jane who didn't look to have moved in the last few minutes, “and possibly Jane. Not sure if she's in shock or actually stopped yet.”

 

Tony snorted over the line. “Look, we'll just land near you. You're fine after all.”

 

“That doesn't mean shit,” sighed Darcy unhappily. “Look, I'm immune, that's pretty obvious, and I would be no matter what. But you guys aren't and if you come over here, you could end up frozen too.”

 

More struggling came over the line and for a moment, Darcy thought Tony and Clint were under attack as well until Clint's voice came back across the line. “Darcy, I am not leaving you over there with a supervillian and the rest of the Avengers unable to move. I don't care if I'm not immune or whatever, you aren't staying over there alone.”

 

“Look, just give me a second,” insisted Darcy as she picked up a loose rock on the roof. Pulling back her arm, she chucked the stone at Thor and watched as it sped towards the god, only to stop as soon as it got three quarters of the way to him. “Damn, its a bubble. Alright, I am gonna need you guys' help. If you land next to or behind me, you should be okay.”

 

“Right,” muttered Clint. “We'll be there shortly. Just be careful until we get there.”

 

Darcy chuckled a little. “I'm not that worried, not like anyone is going anywhere except maybe Jane. Maybe. She's either frozen or in shock. Whatever, I'll be here when you arrive.”

 

A click signaled the end of the call and Darcy again found herself alone on the roof without being alone. In other words, everyone else was frozen and she was the only one capable of moving or talking. Possibly breathing.  _Thank god they're only frozen in time._

 

The whoosh of a set of rocket propellers alerted Darcy to Tony and Clint's arrival. Turning, she was ready to greet both of them but seeing Clint practically cradled in Tony's arms for the flight sent Darcy into peels of laughter. Clint didn't seem to notice as he jumped onto the roof before Tony could land and promptly swept Darcy up into his arms. Her own arms wrapped around him reassuringly, letting him know she was very much alive and unharmed even though he wouldn't believe the second part until they were safely back at the tower and locked in a room together. Then he could see for himself that she was okay.

 

“Geez, what the hell happened up here?” questioned Tony, blatantly ignoring the little scene between her and Clint. “It looks worse up close than it did from the top of the other building.”

 

Darcy tried to pull away from Clint, but the man tightened his hold until she finally gave in and talked to Tony over his shoulder. “Yeah, well, lets just say that Loki kinda scared me and I reacted. Then the others did the same. Its reversible though!”

 

Tony's jaw almost hit the ground. “ _You_ did this?? Seriously? How the fuck did you do that??”

 

“Like I said, it's a long story,” sighed Darcy as Clint finally loosened his hold enough for her to lean back. He still wasn't letting go though. “I do need you guys' help though. We need to physically move Loki and I need to disarm at least Thor and Natasha. Its not really fair if they smack Loki around while he's frozen like that and I don't want to get into more trouble than I already am by actually _allowing_ that to happen. Luckily, I can unfreeze them all at once I think, so there's less of a chance that someone will get hurt but everyone will be kinda discombobulated.”

 

Tony and Clint exchanged concerned looks before Clint stepped back, though his hands remained on her upper arms. “You think?”

 

Darcy shrugged a little, one of her hands coming to rest on his chest. “Well, sorta. I  _know_ I can unfreeze them all at once, but I don't know if I can  _right_ _now_ .”

 

Another look exchange occurred, this time with Tony speaking up. “What do you mean you don't know if you can do it  _right now?_ If you can normally do it, its kinda a given that you can, you know, do it.”

 

“Yeah, there is nothing _normal_ about _right now_ for me,” explained Darcy. “Look, it doesn't matter. We need to move Loki and disarm Thor and Natasha temporarily. I'll disarm the Avenger's if you guys can move Loki. Pretty sure he's too heavy for me to move.”

 

Tony cocked an eyebrow and leaned back slightly. “And why should we move him? Serve him right if we let Thor just clobber him.”

 

Darcy rolled her eyes. “Simple: I don't want to be grounded for the next millennium because a god got pounded into the ground due to my inadvertent interference.”

 

Tony choked a little. “Next  _millennium_ ? How the fuck is someone who  _isn't_ Thor or his deranged brother grounded for that long? No offense, but you'd kinda be dead.”

 

“Yeah,” muttered Darcy. “The explanation for that is kinda part of the 'long story' I keep mentioning. Look, just move Loki and I'll take care of the rest. Deal?”

 

Both of Tony's eyebrows rose. “You gonna take responsibility for letting a supervillian live?”

 

Darcy snorted. “Dude, as soon as I remember how I'm gonna reverse the time flow and keep this chaos from happening to begin with. Well, if I'm able to.” She paused for a second, considering Tony's question. “Yeah, I'm taking full responsibility. But I'm not gonna lie and say I forced you guys into anything, got it?”

 

“Yes ma'am,” joked Clint, apparently trying to ease some of the tension on the roof. It was a moment longer before he released her reluctantly and moved with Tony towards where Loki was hanging out frozen.

 

Out of the corner of her eye, she noted that Jane was apparently awake but not functioning. Eh, wasn't a surprise. People tended to get kinda freaked out about magic, even if it saved their mortal hides. Still, Darcy would definitely have to explain everything to Jane now. Damn.

 

With a sigh and enough determination to move a building, Darcy began going about the task of disarming the more volatile Avengers. Natasha was easy of course, all she had to do were slide a few knives out of the woman's hands and remove one or two from her person. There wasn't much she could do about Natasha's physical fighting prowess, but that was something that could be disarmed if necessary. Not that Darcy really thought Natasha could actually do much to Loki.

 

Finished with the redheaded Russian, Darcy focused her attention on Thor and silently cursed her luck. Really, who the hell was gonna be strong enough to pry his hammer from his hand? Well, okay, she probably  _would be_ if she weren't mortal. But she was mortal, which meant she needed to figure something else out.

 

After several minutes of poking and prodding, Darcy had all but given up until a though occurred to her: what do people usually do when something is stuck? Grease. That would work. Or, well, she could just...Glancing at Clint and Tony, she confirmed they were distracted with Loki and Jane was watching the two men wearily as they moved Loki to his new position near the back of the roof. Quickly, Darcy tapped the hammer Thor gripped and watched as it shrunk until it was no larger than a normal hammer and quickly slipped it out of the god's hand. She was just looping the hammer onto her wrist when Clint and Tony appeared near the edge of the bubble, apparently done with their part of the plan.

 

“Okay, Loki's been moved. Can we get this show on the road?” asked Tony impatiently as Clint brought one of his hands to rest on her lower back. Apparently, he wasn't going to stop touching her any time soon if it could be helped.

 

Darcy nodded and checked once again everyone's positions. “Yeah, we're good. Okay, Tony, grab Jane and stand near the door down. Clint, we're gonna want to do the same.”

 

“Right,” confirmed Clint as he lead her over to the door. Tony scooped up Jane, who had apparently recovered because she smacked him and insisted on walking to the door herself even though her legs weren't stable. She still ended up being half carried by Tony anyway.

 

“Alright, everyone ready?” asked Darcy as she looked at the other three. All three looked back at her blankly. “Right, okay, give me a minute.” Her eyes slid shut for a moment, brow furrowed, before she let out an 'aha!' and snapped her fingers.

 

Her eyes slid open again just as Thor slammed into the roof. Hard. With his bare fist. Natasha seemed as confused when she realized there was no knife in her hand. Or anywhere on her body. Hulk had also struck the roof rather hard and lost his balance, falling flat on his ass, while Steve straightened out of his fighting stance in pure confusion. On the other side of the roof, Loki blinked rapidly and shook his head, muttering a Norse curse of some kind.

 

Darcy grinned. “Sweet! It worked! Okay, now that everything has gone back to normal, Jane and I can totally get out of here and you guys can go back to your epic battle or whatever you call chasing a supervillian through the city.”

 

She'd just turned to flee with Jane when Clint wrapped an arm around her waist and stopped her. Intimate contact in front of the other Avengers, that was bad. Especially given how much effort her and Clint had put into  _not_ being obvious. “Hang on. First, give Thor and Natasha back their weapons. Second, you still owe us an explanation for what the fuck just happened.”

 

“Right, weapons,” muttered Darcy as she spun sharply and headed towards Thor and Natasha. Quickly, she handed the knives back to Natasha, who looked more than a little confused about how she had been disarmed to begin with, and started to hand Thor back his hammer when she realized it was still small. 

“Oh shit, sorry Thor.” 

 

Thor's horrified expression would have been hilarious, if Darcy weren't trying to escape as fast as she could at the moment. Clearing her throat, she handed the handle of the hammer back to Thor, then tapped the top of the hammer and watched it expand back to its original size and form. “There you go.” Thor now resembled a fish as his mouth opened and closed repeatedly without the elegance of words to cover the hilarious sight.

 

“Okay, weapons back to their owners,” confirmed Darcy as she turned to face Clint and Tony again. “Can I go now Dad?” Clint cringed a little, as he always did when Darcy suggested he was old enough to be her father. Of course, she wouldn't stop dating him for anything but the way he nagged was kinda fatherly sometimes and she felt the need to remind him.

 

Clint was clearly uncomfortable with her statement, most likely because of the way Tony was stifling laughter behind him, but his face was resolute. “Explanation?”

 

Darcy rolled her eyes. “Can I give it later? The middle of a battle kinda isn't the place for a story.”

 

“Give us the abbreviated version then,” suggested Tony. “Seriously, I want to know how you managed to freeze Loki _and_ over half the Avengers.”

 

“As do I,” added Loki, who stepped forward but stopped at the threatening glare from Clint. “I promise, I mean no harm to your mortal girl. We can call a temporary truce on the matter if you would like. However, much as you are curious about the girl's magical origins, so am I. It is necessary for me to know who she is for my own safety as much as hers.”

 

“How do you figure?” asked Darcy with a raised eyebrow as she turned to look at him. “Its not like you're gonna get in trouble if something happens to me.”

 

Loki shrugged a little. “That depends. If you are merely a talented mortal then you are correct. However, if you are the child of a god or goddess or if you are the child of a powerful immortal house, well, I need not tell you  _exactly_ how bad hurting you, even inadvertently, could be for me.”

 

She felt her left eye twitch a little when Loki mentioned houses and hoped no one had noticed. Glancing at the others however, and the way that both Thor and Loki looked very uneasy, she was guessing it hadn't slipped by anyone. “Uh, yeah, just don't worry about it Loki. Seriously. No one is gonna come after your ass if I get hurt or killed or something like that. Promise.”

 

“Can you even _die_?” asked Tony curiously. “You said something earlier about being grounded for a millennium or something for this whole mess.”

 

Mentally, Darcy was kicking Tony's ass to the moon and watching him suffocate. Damn playboy billionaire philanthropist. “Yeah, right now I can. Kinda. Its hard to explain. Look, who I am and all that? Doesn't matter. Promise. The only ones who would care if I died right now are my aunt and mother,  _maybe_ my grandmother, but it wouldn't change anything really. I can die, don't get me wrong, but its really complicated and even I'm not sure how it works exactly. All you guys have to know is that a woman in chain mail with a spear isn't gonna break down your door or anything crazy like that.”

 

Another Norse curse fell from Loki's mouth even as Thor joined him in what was starting to look like a swearing contest. Both brothers looked pissed, and Clint looked more than a little uneasy. Really, everyone did. It took Darcy a minute to realize that part of that was because both Loki and Thor sounded more than a little scared.

 

“You are from the Morrigan's house then?” questioned Loki suddenly.

 

With a sigh, Darcy nodded and leaned back into Clint. “Look, its not a big dea-”

 

A sudden flash of light struck the middle of the roof, clearing as fast as it came. A man was standing there when the light cleared, looking worried. He looked about Darcy's age, with shining green eyes and jet black hair. His skin was exceptionally pale and his body was lithe in build. He had similar facial features to Darcy, with slightly smaller lips and higher cheek bones. The mix was handsome.

 

“Darcy, are you alright?” asked the man worriedly as he headed straight for her.

 

She nodded and hugged the new guy, moving away from Clint to do so. “Yeah Derek, I'm fine.”

 

“Thank the gods,” muttered Derek as he hugged her tighter. “When I felt the energy spike from your magic, well, I assumed the worst.”

 

“No shit,” muttered Darcy with an eye roll as she finally leaned back. “We kinda aren't supposed to use our magic on Earth.”

 

“Wait,” interrupted Steve slowly. “Magic? You were using magic?”

 

“You can _use_ magic?” asked Thor in surprise.

 

Loki scoffed at his brothers question. “Clearly she can use magic, Thor. She's from the Morrigan's house. Besides, how do you think she managed to  _freeze us in place_ ? Or shrink Mjolnir? The question is, what magic did she use that was strong enough to stop  _me_ ?”

 

“Time,” the simultaneous response was automatic and apparently commonly needed. Everyone refocused on Darcy and Derek, both of whom were covering each others mouths with their hands. Their eyes were wide and horrified.

 

“Shit.” Again the exclamation was simultaneous. “We didn't mean to say that!”

 

Everyone was just staring at the two like they'd grown extra heads, though with the way the day had been going that was a distinct possibility. As far as Darcy was concerned, anything was possible at this point, including the growth of additional craniums. Though, with Derek near by it was kind of like having another head.

 

Tony clicked his tongue slightly and started to chuckle. “So, twins?”

 

“Yes,” sighed Darcy and Derek, again in tandem. They weren't bothered by their natural ability to speak the same exact sentences simultaneously. Hell, they used it to freak people out more often then not. All they were missing was the mental connection; they'd shut that down when Darcy started sexing Clint to avoid any uncomfortable event sharing (read: Derek yelled at Darcy one night because she was accidentally project her thoughts to him while having sex with Clint).

 

Clint looked a little uneasy. “You never told me you had a twin.”

 

“We're not supposed to be twins,” explained Derek. “We were born into two different families.”

 

“Given,” Darcy corrected. “We were given to two different families in the form of adoption. But according to records, we were adopted from opposite sides of the country and have no biological connection.”

 

Derek nodded. “Which is completely false, but we went with it because the last time we were adopted by the same family, well, there were a few  _minor_ incidents...”

 

Darcy snorted. “Yes, because being chased by Crusaders through Jerusalem because we accidentally used our magic in self defense qualifies as minor.”

 

“Eh, could have been worse,” pointed out Derek. “They could have caught us.”

 

“And then we would have been dead,” sighed Darcy as she folded her arms just under her boobs and leaned against Thor easily. “Which would have sucked, I might add.”

 

“Yeah, death by fire looks painful,” confirmed Derek. “I'll pass, thanks.”

 

“I'm sure it is,” muttered Tony. “Look, if you two are done being amusing but kinda intimidating, mind actually telling us _who you guys are_?”

 

Darcy raised her eyebrow, giving Tony a look that clearly said he was loonier than a Loony Toon. “I'm Darcy and he's Derek. We've established this.”

 

Clint cleared his throat slightly and lay a hand on Darcy's shoulder. His eyes were pleading when she met them. “That isn't what we meant Darce. Who are you  _really_ ?”

 

“As in who's my mom?” asked Darcy, clearly confused. “Or what house I'm from?”

 

“For starters,” confirmed Loki who was currently leaning casually against one of the many roof vents. Apparently he and Thor had decided knowing was better than fear and had calmed down significantly.

 

Darcy and Derek looked at each other before breaking out in conversation using a language no one recognized. Save apparently Thor and Loki who once again looked as if the ghost of their grandmother were scolding them. It was a few minutes before the twins seemed to come to an agreement and turned back to everyone gathered there. Eight curious faces stared back.

 

“Alright, we'll tell you _some_ stuff,” started Darcy.

 

Derek continued. “But we reserve the right to keep a few facts to ourselves.”

 

“Our mom kinda won't tell us who our dad is,” picked back up Darcy, “so we seriously don't know about that one.”

 

“Not a clue,” confirmed Derek. “Well...” He glanced at his sister who glanced back at him for a moment and shrugged, “except that Dad is probably blue.”

 

“With red eyes,” added Darcy. “And the ability to control ice.”

 

“Possibly green eyes that are only red sometimes and just magic in general,” corrected Derek. “Mom can't do any magic except that related to time, remember?”

 

Darcy made a small sound of agreement, apparently remembering that little fact. “Right. Always forget that. Also, good point about the eye thing. Mom has blue eyes, so for you to have green it would have to be from Dad.”

 

“The black hair too,” added Derek. “You know, come to think of it, Dad is probably a completely different species from Mom.”

 

“Yeah,” agreed Darcy as she thought about it for a moment. “Don't know what species he'd be though.”

 

Tony and Natasha were giving Darcy and Derek 'really?' looks while Thor was shooting a raised eyebrow at his brother, who was swaying slightly on his feet. Apparently Loki had made some connections of his own because his mouth began to open and close much like a fish's without the notice of either Darcy or Derek. Apparently the mystery of their parentage was more engrossing than one would think.

 

“Hey, here's an idea,” suggested Tony with a hint of sarcasm tied in. “What about Frost Giant or whatever the fuck Loki is.”

 

The statement struck something for both twins because they suddenly spun to look at Loki with heads cocked sideways. It was a moment before both uttered a 'ooooh, that explains so much' and shrugged, again speaking at the same time. “Well, that's done.”

 

Clint looked at them uneasily, deciding that the simultaneous talking thing was getting a little unnerving. Darcy seemed to realize this and walked over to him, dropping a hand to his arm and rubbing it gently. “Sorry Clint, we kinda talk like that automatically.”

 

“Being twins for as long as we've been alive makes it hard to break old habits,” confirmed Derek with a shrug. “Anyway, so you guys know who Dad is now, as do we, and you've already guessed who Mom is I'm assuming, if the way Thor was looking at Loki, er, Dad was an indication.” He stopped suddenly, brow furrowed, before apparently coming to an uneasy realization. “Wait, does this mean that Thor's our Uncle?”

 

“Oh god,” muttered Darcy. “And Odin is our grandfather. Shit.”

 

“We are in so much trouble,” moaned Derek, one hand coming up to rub at the bridge of his nose. “Maybe they don't know it was us?”

 

Darcy buried her face in Clint's shoulder. “Or maybe we can just avoid them and never have to face that little fact.”

 

Natasha traded glances with Tony for a moment before clearing her throat. “If I may interrupt, what have you two done that is so horrendous as to make having  _Odin_ for a grandfather bad?”

 

Derek sighed while Darcy buried her face further into Clint's shoulder. “We kinda, sorta, played a prank at the palace.”

 

“One they've never figured out,” added Darcy, voice muffled by Clint. One of his hands had come up to stroke her hair while the other was resting around her waist.

 

“See, there was this artifact called the Odin Cube,” started Derek. “It's supposed to contain unlimited power.”

 

“The ultimate magical artifact,” added Darcy.

 

Derek nodded. “Well, when Odin had it crafted, he was going to use it to power the bi-frost. Only it was too unstable and he decided to lock it away out of fear that someone would get their hands on it.”

 

“But we found it before he could,” admitted Darcy. “And decided to hide it as a prank, because freaking out Odin sounded like fun.”

 

“So we took it and brought it to Earth,” explained Derek. “But human's found it somehow and we lost track of it.”

 

“So the Cube being on Earth is completely our fault,” continued Darcy. “And Odin is so going to kill us when he finds out.”

 

Derek groaned. “Which he will. And, because we're apparently his grandchildren, he'll have every right to punish us even though we did this centuries ago.”

 

“We are so screwed,” moaned Darcy as she turned her head to look at the others.

 

Everyone was blinking back at them cluelessly. Apparently no one was sure how to process what they'd said.

 

Surprisingly, Jane was the first to recover. “You two know about the Cube and its history.” She didn't sound like she believed them, which Darcy completely understood. They'd basically given everyone a lot of information, intentionally and unintentionally, so some shock and disbelief were expected.

 

“Yeah,” confirmed Darcy with a sigh. “Why?”

 

Both of Jane's eyebrow's shot up. “Well, for one thing the Cube is back at S.H.I.E.L.D. and I'm pretty sure they could use some help with it.”

 

Darcy and Derek were on their feet in front of Jane instantly. “It is??”

 

Jane blinked but nodded, taking in the excited looks both twins wore. “Yeah, Erik's been working on it. By the way, you aren't supposed to know tha-” However, they had both stopped listening to Jane, apparently more excited about knowing where the Cube was.

 

“Derek, we can return the Cube!” exclaimed Darcy.

 

“And hopefully get out of being punished for taking it to begin with!” shot back Derek excitedly. “We might actually get to _meet_ grandpa instead of being beaten by him and exiled!”

 

“Sweet!” exclaimed Darcy happily. “So all we have to do is get the Cube away from S.H.I.E.L.D.”

 

Clint furrowed his eyebrows and gently gripped Darcy's shoulder. “Darcy...”

 

She blinked back at him for a moment, noting the serious face and turning back to face him fully. “What's up Clint?”

 

Both of his hands came to rest on her shoulders before sliding down her arms to rest on her waist. “Darce, if you take the Cube, S.H.I.E.L.D. won't let you anywhere near a base again.”

 

“Oh,” muttered Darcy, seeming to grasp what he was saying quickly. “Shit, they wouldn't. Damnit Derek, we can't just take the Cube.”

 

Derek sighed heavily, apparently understanding whatever was distressing his sister instantaneously. “Well, maybe we can bargain for it. The Cube isn't really that strong after all. I'm sure there's an artifact we have access to that could take the Cube's place.”

 

“Maybe,” agreed Darcy. “It'll have to be done under our real names though, not our mortal ones.”

 

“Agreed,” confirmed Derek with a sigh, one of his hands coming up to streak through his hair. “How about we discuss this later and see what we've compiled over time that might be considered valid for a trade?”

 

“Sounds good,” agreed Darcy. “You gonna bolt?”

 

Derek nodded. “Yeah, I have court in,” he glanced at his watch and cursed, “now. I'll call you later sis.”

 

Darcy nodded and waved as Derek disappeared in another bright flash, leaving everyone except her feeling momentarily unbalanced. She'd seen him do that too many times for it to bother her. Hell, she'd  _traveled_ those paths too many times to become discombobulated by the sight. With a heavy sigh, Darcy spun around and looked up at Clint, who was still in shock from seeing Derek disappear. “Hey Clint, is your battle thingy over for today? 'Cause I'd seriously like to get some skin time with you if it is.”

 

Clint choked a little at her words but glanced at Thor, who was still standing beside his brother, and Loki who was continuing to imitate a fish. “I don't know. Hey Loki, you gonna make us keep chasing you today or are we done?”

 

Loki blinked twice and shook his head, though his voice was still dazed. “I am finished for the day, thank you. This encounter has given me a great deal to consider.”

 

“Such as who you may have gotten with child within the Morrigan's house?” teased Thor. “Or perhaps how you have managed to avoid being maimed all this time for the same transgression...”

 

“Hardly,” muttered Loki. “I am fully aware of _who_ bore the twins, er...”

 

“Rowena and Lopt,”offered Darcy with a smile. “Those are actually our names.”

 

Loki nodded slowly. “Apt names for two such as yourself. One named for your Aunt and the other for your heritage?”

 

“For you,” corrected Darcy with a grin. “Apparently, the Norse sometimes called you Lopt.”

 

“Ah,” murmured Loki uneasily. “I see. And you're mother is Kith'ka, correct?”

 

“Yep!” confirmed Darcy happily. “Though the whole house really raised us.”

 

Thor nodded in understanding. “I recall Kith'ka or Rohan mentioning something about that. There was a quote about a village and children as well.”

 

“'It takes a village to raise a child',” quoted Darcy with a nod. “Yeah, Aunt Rohan is fond of that saying. I think it validates her somehow or reminds her of her life before Grandmother changed her. She really loved pack life apparently.”

 

Loki nodded. “Wolf packs are rather close-knit communities. I can understand the appeal for her.”

 

Behind Darcy, Clint choked. “You're aunt is a wolf?”

 

“Aunt Rohan isn't a wolf _anymore_ ,” corrected Darcy with a sly grin. “She just used to be one. But that was 1600 years ago.”

 

“Only 1600 years,” muttered Clint, who sounded more than a little dazed.

 

Taking pity on the man, she brought one of her hands up to tilt down his head and dropped a kiss on his cheek. “Come on, the battle's over so lets go back to the mansion and relax.”

 

Tony jumped on that one quick. “Sounds good. I think we all need a drink after today, Loki included. Its not every day you find out you've got two kids that you knew nothing about.”

 

Darcy nodded thoughtfully. “It does explain why my mother always said Lopt and I had mischief in our blood though.”

 

“So, drinks at the Manor? Who's in?” asked Tony, clearly excited about the idea. “That includes you Loki.”

 

Loki blinked a little at Tony's words but shook his head. “Sorry Man of Iron, perhaps another time. There is someone I must go see.”

 

“Kith'ka,” laughed Thor. “Be gentle with her brother, you did love her once.”

 

“I still love her,” admitted Loki. “Father's ban made it impossible for us to be together, but I will always love her.”

 

Darcy smiled slightly and nodded. “Have fun dude, tell Mom I said hi, and try not to get me grounded.”

 

“I agree to the first two,” said Loki with a mischievous smirk as he moved towards the center of the building. “But I make no promises on the third. If Kith'ka sees fit to punish you, then you will have to live with it.”

 

“Damn,” laughed Darcy. “And here I thought you'd be the cool Dad that let his kids stay up late and covered for them when they'd been in trouble.”

 

For a moment, Loki actually looked worried by her words but a quick hug from Darcy shattered any concerns he had. “Seriously Loki, I expect you to come back down here. I want the chance to actually get to know my father, not just work off impressions based on actions that I'm pretty sure have a majorly fucked up root.”

 

“You have no idea,” murmured Loki as he returned her hug. “But I do promise to visit and spend time with both you and Lopt. I want to come to know you two as well.”

 

Darcy nodded and released Loki, moving back to stand with Clint who's arm immediately came to rest around her waist. “Later, Dad.”

 

The grin which broke across Loki's face could have powered a small town and deeply disturbed the gathered Avengers. “Indeed. I will come visit upon my return. Also, Barton.” Clint looked sharply at Loki, who's grin was still in place and contrasting sharply with the warning in his eyes. “Harm my daughter, and I will have your head on a platter.” A slightly demented giggle came from Loki. “That was fun, far more entertaining than I thought.” Clint just looked horrified. With one last grin and bow, Loki disappeared into thin air, leaving the Avengers, Jane, and a very uneasy Darcy in his wake.

 

Several minutes passed before anyone said anything. It ended up being Steve who broke the silence. “Tony, I believe you said something about a drink earlier?”

 

Tony nodded with a raised eyebrow and little half smirk. “Yep, I have a fully stocked bar at the Manor.”

 

“Swell,” sighed Steve. “After that fiasco, I need a drink.”

 

“Agreed,” muttered Natasha. “This is too much.”

 

Beside her, the Hulk nodded slowly. “Very odd. Hulk more than a little confused.”

 

“You and the rest of us,” muttered Jane with a sigh. “Clint, Darcy, are you coming along?”

 

Clint just stood still, blinking in confusion. “I think I was just threatened by Loki.”

 

Beside him, Darcy raised a disbelieving eyebrow. “Dude, you totally just got threatened. It couldn't be much clearer.”

 

He continued as if Darcy hadn't spoken. “I just got threatened by Loki for dating his daughter...I'm dating the God of Mischief's daughter. Fuck.”

 

“Uh, Clint?” asked Darcy nervously, tilting his head down so he was looking her dead in the eye. “You aren't, you know, second guessing all this right?”

 

He blinked a few more times and his vision cleared as her words sunk in. “Hardly. It'll take more than a threat from Loki to scare me away.”

 

Darcy released the breath she had been holding and gave him a million-watt smile. “So we're good?”

 

Clint smirked and leaned down to touch his forehead with Darcy's. “When we get back to the Manor, I'm going to show you just how good we are.”

 

Color flooded Darcy's cheeks but she hardly cared. She loved it when Clint did naughty, kinky stuff with her and his voice promised exactly that. “Dude, I am so going to hold you to that.”

 

“As soon as we're done with the debriefings, I'm all yours.”

 

===================================================

 

It took a few hours and a lot of talking/reassuring on Darcy's part that she wasn't a spy, double agent, or working on any nefarious take-over-the-world plot before Fury finally released her from the debriefing. His promises that their discussion wasn't over did little to squelch her mood, especially with Clint waiting outside the room for them to finish. Apparently the other Avengers were getting drunk off their asses, including Natasha. She could understand.

 

As soon as she was out of the room, Clint swept her up and hurried back to his room where he proceeded to preform his injury check before making good on his earlier promise. Darcy was still trying to catch her breath five minutes later, while Clint lay beside her with one arm draped over her stomach. He was laying on his own stomach but his head was turned towards her. A smug grin rested on his face. “So, did I keep my promise?”

 

“Totally,” confirmed Darcy with her own grin, one of her hands coming up to stroke the hair out of his face. “Sorry about how weird today was by the way. Honestly, I didn't mean for any of you guys to ever find out about that shit.”

 

Clint nodded slowly, turning on his side so he could tuck her against his chest. “Why? I mean Thor and Loki run around flaunting their power, so why hide yours?”

 

She shrugged lightly and burrowed further into him. “It's just kinda standard operating procedure. Lopt and I have always avoided using our magic when in mortal form, mostly because if we're in mortal form its usually because we're dodging punishment.”

 

“Punishment?” asked Clint worriedly. “You aren't in trouble, right?”

 

“Not this time,” assured Darcy. “We've been hanging out on Earth trying to find the Cube for the better part of the last four to five centuries, ever since the Crusaders stole it from us during an attack. That's why we were in Jerusalem that one time. We've been trying to find the Cube so we can actually _return_ it for years.”

 

Clint nodded slowly, one of his arms tightening around her body. “Don't kill me for asking this, but how old are you?”

 

“1200 years, give or take a few decades,” replied Darcy easily, a yawn escaping her throat. “And no offense taken. Its a valid question.”

 

“Good to know,” muttered Clint who was starting to sound a little dazed again. “I do have one other question: what do you look like in your non-mortal body?”

 

“The same,” assured Darcy. “Well, mostly. I'm a little more in shape and rock a slightly smaller rack. Also, my eyes bleed red sometimes when I'm pissed. And I turned blue once. Otherwise though, I'm pretty much the same person but with a license to use magic and a twin who helps me get into trouble. Or drags me into trouble. Really, its happened both ways.”

 

“Right,” murmured Clint as one hand came to rest on her stomach. “Are you a goddess? Officially I mean. I know that _I_ consider you a goddess.”

 

Darcy chuckled and licked his collar bone, causing him to shiver. “Yeah, no, definitely not a goddess. My mom was transformed from a human into something that's still undefined and even though my dad is a god, the most I could be is a demigoddess. Which I'm not.”

 

“Well, technically you are,” corrected Clint with a shutter before he rolled Darcy under him again. “ _Tease_. You are a fucking tease.”

 

“Yep,” chirped Darcy with a smile. “Mostly when I want more lovin'. Which you're required to give me buddy.”

 

Clint replied with his own chuckle and a twist of his hips against certain places that made Darcy want to keen. “Yes ma'am.” Dropping his lips to her ear, he added: “Those are definitely orders I can get behind.”


	2. Explanations are Offered, a Few Brains are Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony goads Darcy into answering a few questions about herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you who are still with me, here's more insanity. Not as funny as the last, but hopefully still entertaining.

The sound of Clint sighing heavily behind her drew Darcy into consciousness, though she wasn't sure why. Banging registered next, followed by drunken shouting that sounded distinctly like Stark. Great. It was gonna be one of those nights. Really, she suspected he just wanted to tease her and Clint. Her background and family were probably nothing compared to Tony realizing that they were dating, or whatever it was called.

Unfortunately, that meant getting out of bed and she was pretty sure her legs were still jelly from earlier. Seriously, Clint had some untapped talents, even if they weren't superpowers. More than once, Darcy had toyed with the idea of using her own magic in the bedroom but she knew that, somehow, that would end up being a no-no by her mothers standards. And a lecture from the Lady of Time, Walker of the Stream, Seer of the World Conscious, whatever you wanted her call her mother, was always a terrifying fate to meet. 

Seriously, her mother had the world's scariest glare. Even her Aunt Rohan couldn't glare like that and the woman was a hit-woman and wolf in human clothing. Literally. It was hilarious to watch her freak people out with that little transformation. Both Darcy and Derek/Lopt suspected Aunt Rohan was solely responsible for every werewolf myth or legend in existence. Every last one. Not that they'd ever tell her that of course.

The banging continued, drawing Darcy back to the dark bedroom and the fact that Clint wasn't next to her anymore. Instead, he was pulling on pants and tromping to the door into his room. Though she couldn't say for sure, she's pretty sure Clint actually growled at Tony when he threw the door open. “What do you want Tony? Its fucking late.”

Tony grinned stupidly, a direct result of his drunken state, and actually tried to stumble into the room. Clint stopped him with a well placed hand. “What's got your boxers in a bunch Barton? I just came up to drag you and your little girlfriend downstairs for drinks and story time. We gave you the chance to fuck like rabbits, so now its time to par-ty!”

Darcy heard her own groan around the same time Clint gave his. Seriously, Tony could be such a pain sometimes. “Buzz off Tony, we're not coming down.” Yeah, her voice was a growl and she was a little afraid her bones might be shifting a little (transformation wasn't just for Aunt Rohan) but could anyone really blame her? All she wanted to do was curl back up with Clint, go for another round of jelly-leg-inducing sex, and sleep off the rest of the night. Without people demanding answers or stories.

“Ah, come on Lewis!” exclaimed Tony. “Where's your sense of adventure? Where's your sense of personal pride? You're the daughter of a goddess, woman!”

Giving up, Darcy rose from the bed completely naked with no regard for Tony standing right there because, frankly, she didn't care. Reaching for her robe, she wrapped it around her body and stalked to the door. Tony was staring at her, slack jawed and drooling, while Clint was smirking cockily. Really, the man knew how lucky he was and knew how much Tony pissed her off. It wasn't like there was a risk of her leaving him for Tony after all. “First off Stark, my mother isn't a goddess. She's got a lot of different names but goddess isn't one of them. Second, I'm plenty proud of where I come from. I'm a granddaughter to the Morrigan for fucks sake. Its kinda hard not to be proud of that. But for me, pride and bragging are not synonymous. So stories? Those are a no go.”

Clint was clearly trying not to laugh his ass off at her little speech and the gob-smacked look which still graced Tony's face. It took a few minutes before Tony could get his mouth to work again. “Well, how about a little Q & A session? Seriously Lewis, you're leaving us all high and dry! We're your buddies, and we want to know!”

Darcy drew in a slow, frustrated breath and glanced at Clint. He looked back at her with a shrug, indicating whatever she chose was good with him. Unfortunately, it was looking more and more like they'd have to go along with Tony unless she wanted to A) use her magic again or B) knock him out physically and hope Pepper didn't kill her. No one else would care. Hell, Pepper might honestly not care. Drunken Tony had to be one of the most obnoxious beings on the planet. 

For a moment she actually considered knocking the drunken man out, but she figured there had been enough trouble today. With a heavy sigh, Darcy nodded her head, relenting to Tony's insistent requests. “Fine, but if things get out of line I'm leaving. Also, everyone gets one question. No make-ups or do-overs if you don't like the answer or change your mind about the question. And the way I choose to answer the question can't be deemed invalid. Clear?”

“Crystal!” grinned Tony. “Now lets go.”

Darcy rolled her eyes and grabbed some clothes off the ground. “Geez, let me dress first.”

Tony smirked as he leaned against the door frame casually. “You certainly didn't seem shy when you were climbing naked out of the bed.”

“True,” agreed Darcy as she ducked into the bathroom and partway closed the door. “But unless you can get Clint to go downstairs naked, I'm getting dressed. No, I'm not ashamed of my body but it's considered courteous to wear clothing when around others that you aren't fucking. Personally, I don't get why but, yeah, I was kinda raised with different rules.”

Though she couldn't see him, based on Clint's snorting laugh Tony had to have a priceless look on his face. Glancing through the crack in the door, Darcy confirmed her suspicions and had to work hard to keep from laughing. The man seriously looked ready to pass out or like he could die happy.

“Any way I can guarantee a place where you live when I die?” asked Tony pleadingly. “I'm willing to convert!”

“No!” exclaimed Darcy with a laugh. “I've already got a spot reserved for a human spirit, no way in Hel's realm will Mom let me have another. Sorry.”

Tony was giving her a curious look when she emerged less than a moment later in one of Clint's t-shirts and her jeans. “And who might that be, hmmm?” His eyes darted to Clint for a moment before returning to Darcy. “A certain archer perhaps?”

Darcy merely rolled her eyes and pushed Tony out of the doorway, Clint hot on her heels and still sans shirt. At her raised eyebrow he just shot her a suggestive grin and she just knew if she asked he'd say something about fewer articles of clothing to remove later. Course, that same line of thinking was precisely why she wasn't currently wearing underwear. At all.

Ahead of them, Tony was calling to the others about something or another. She caught the words “goddess in the house!” and rolled her eyes. Men. It took less than five minutes for her and Clint to reach the room everyone else was gathered in. No one except perhaps Dr. Banner looked sober. He was sipping tea as calmly as he could, though his hand shook a little when Darcy appeared in the doorway. Everyone else just turned to stare at her. Great. This was why she didn't usually tell people about her heritage.

With a roll of her eyes, she descended the stairs with Clint behind her and flopped onto an open space on the couch. Clint sat beside her, after retrieving a beer for each of them. She popped off the top, then threw it at Tony. “Okay, you know the terms. Lets get this over with.”

“Terms?” repeated Jane in concern. “Darcy, you don't have to do anything if you don't want to. No one is forcing you to be here.”

Darcy snorted. “Yeah, I know. And technically if I really cared I could just drop Stark into another dimension for the night or until he sobered up enough to leave us alone. But this needs to get done, so lets get it done. Anyone who wants to ask a question gets one, I reserve the right to answer that question to the extent I choose, and however I interpret the question is how it gets answered. No take backs or do-overs if you don't like it. Mostly, this applies to Tony.”

“Hey!” exclaimed Tony. “How come I get special rules?”

Clint snickered some as Darcy shot back with a roll of her eyes: “Because you're that special Tony. Just think of it as 'special Stark privileges'.”

Tony took another sip of his drink and snorted. “You're just afraid of what I'll ask.”

“Damn right,” growled Darcy. “Those are the terms, anyone who doesn't like them can bow out. Now, who's first?”

Thor stood up quickly. “I will ask fir-”

“Me!” exclaimed Tony. “I have the only important question that really needs to be asked. H-”

Darcy rolled her eyes and sighed. “1200, give or take a decade.” Tony stopped mid sentence and everyone just turned to stare at her. She responded with a raised eyebrow. “What? He was gonna ask how old I am.”

Jane's eyes nearly bugged out. “You-you're 1200 years old?”

“Give or take a decade,” repeated Darcy. “We stopped officially keeping track almost two hundred years ago. It just wasn't important anymore.”

Tony's jaw was moving up and down but no sound was coming out. Natasha smacked the back of his head to restart his brain. “Shit Barton, and we thought you were a cradle robber!”

“Hey!” snapped back Clint. “I'll have you know, she approached me.”

“Because you were staring at her incessantly,” reminded Natasha with a smirk. “Also, I seem to recall that you were pushed a little when she did...”

Clint glared at Natasha, causing the Russian woman to chuckle a little.

Thor cleared his throat. “I would like to ask a question.”

Darcy nodded at him casually. “Go ahead big guy.”

For a moment, the God of Thunder looked a little confused before her meaning dawned on him and he was quick to agree. “I must know one thing before I ask my question, if this is acceptable?” A raised eyebrow from Darcy prompted him to continue. “It pertains to what I may call you.”

“Darcy,” replied Darcy calmly. “Until I'm immortal again, call me Darcy.”

Thor nodded. “Very well. Lady Darcy, I wish to know, as a good Uncle must, are you married?”

Darcy spit out her beer. “What?!?”

The Thunder God looked completely unfazed by her suddenly propelled drink, which landed right in Tony's face, much to Clint, Pepper, and Natasha's amusement. Even Steve was attempting to suppress a small smile. “Are you wed? Is there a husband with whom I should speak and ensure, even in retrospect, that you shall be treated well?”

She was still choking a little, with Clint rubbing her back softly. His face, however, had gone a little steely. Apparently, he hadn't even considered she might be married when the information about who she was came out. “Darce?”

“Fine,” she squeaked as the beer was finally evacuated from her lungs enough for her to draw breath. “Just fine, and no Thor, I'm not married. Definitely not married.”

One of Natasha's eyebrows rose steadily. “So vehement. You truly object to such unions?”

Darcy cleared her throat once and shook her head. “Nah, its not that. Members of the Morrigan's house just don't marry. Never have.”

“So it's tradition rather than disapproval,” muttered Natasha with a nod. “I can accept this.”

“Well I can't,” commented Steve. “What do you do when the right partner comes along and your family forbids you to dance? It just ain't right. A fella should be able to let the woman he's with know he loves her by marrying her. Its the right thing to do.”

Darcy smiled slightly. “In your culture Steve. And it's not forbidden. If Mom hadn't been banned from Asgard, her and Dad probably would have been married. We don't marry out of choice, not force. Its not like Grandmother will exile us for marrying someone we love.”

Steve nodded in understanding. “Have you ever been with someone you wanted to marry?”

Natasha snickered and corrected: “I think he wants to know if you've had a lover.”

The red which crossed Steve's cheeks could have been used to paint fire engines. Clint looked both curious and uneasy, but his arm was still behind the couch where he'd laid it after her coughing fit. Tony looked somewhere between giddy and like he was kicking himself for not thinking of that question to begin with.

“That counts for both of your questions,” pointed out Darcy with a sigh as she leaned back against Clint. “As a mortal, I've been married. It was usually necessary to stay hidden unless I wanted to shape-shift into a guy which is about as comfortable for me as being put in a dress was for Thor.” Tony raised both eyebrows at the God of Thunder who sputtered helplessly much as Darcy had before. Satisfied with her revenge, she considered just leaving her answer at that but knew that her immortal love life would come up at some point too. With a fortifying sigh, she continued. “In my immortal life, I've had exactly one lover and it was a long ass time ago.” She glanced around uneasily, but Clint's hand squeezing her shoulder encouraged her to continue. “I wanted to marry him but he died before I could.”

Thor looked on at her in concern. “May I ask how or is that considered breaking the rules?”

“Technically it breaks the rules but I'll allow it,” sighed Darcy, shifting even closer to Clint that before, laying her head on his shoulder. “He died in a fight...” her voice caught a little as she remembered seeing him on the ground laying in his own blood. Gruesome wasn't new to her, her Grandmother was the goddess of war, strife, and fertility for fucks sake. But seeing her lover like that had been hard.

Silently, Clint wrapped both his arms around her body and pulled until she lay against his chest. She wasn't crying; it had been several centuries since she'd shed tears for the man. Still, the memory was painful and usually one avoided at all costs. As his hand stroked her hair, the memory's familiar ache faded and Rohan's words took the place of the pain. The whispered reassurance calmed her.

“Darcy, are you alright?” whispered Jane, who was kneeling before her and Clint now. Apparently the whole room was worried because everyone looked uneasy.

“Yeah,” muttered Darcy as she straightened a little, remaining against Clint's chest. “I'm good. Just...bad memory.”

“Clearly,” sighed Natasha. “Still, you must have loved him dearly.”

Darcy nodded again and glanced around the room to check off who had yet to go. Jane, Pepper, and Dr. Banner were pretty much the only ones left. “So, who wants to go next? Its down to Jane, Pepper, and Banner.”

“Hey, what about me?” asked Clint with a pout, apparently attempting to ease the mood.

Darcy rolled her eyes, shooting him a 'really?' look but nodded none the less. “Fine Clint, you too if you want. But you do know you can ask me questions any time, right? Long as they're not obnoxious?”

Clint grinned. “I know, but it makes me feel like part of the group.”

“Right,” muttered Darcy with a shake of her head. “So, Clint, Jane, Pepper, and Banner, who's next?”

Jane raised her hand much like a student in school. It was almost cute. “I have a question. Well, I have a million of them, but I do need to know one thing before I choose one.”

“Sure, shoot,” replied Darcy. “And this won't count as your question.”

“Can I quiz you tomorrow on how you got here?” asked Jane pleadingly. 

Darcy just gave her the Jane-you're-nuts look. “Uh, duh. I was kinda expecting it. You know, what with the whole astrophysics thing you do...”

“So you are from another planet!” exclaimed Tony as if he'd just discovered the alchemical secret to turning lead into gold.

“Duh,” repeated Darcy with a roll of her eyes. “Alright, shoot Janey. What's your question?”

Jane took a moment to consider her options, chewing her lip before leaning forward carefully. Uh-oh. Jane looking cautious was never good. “You mentioned a lover.” She paused for a moment, carefully observing Darcy's face. “I won't ask how he died, we don't need to know that.” An 'I do!' came from Stark's general direction but Pepper shoved what looked like a balled up napkin in his mouth. Jane continued unfazed. “But I do feel the need to ask how you met him, if its not too painful. If it is, I can ask something else...”

Darcy laughed softly and shook her head. “That story isn't painful. Its actually kinda funny, in a twisted sort of way. 

“I was running through this forest playing tag with Lopt, er, Derek. It was forbidden to enter or something according to the people who lived there so we could use it all we wanted without having to deal with people. We weren't that old, maybe four hundred?” Darcy paused to consider this then shrugged. “It was before the mess with the Cube. 

“Anyway, the Celts still controlled Ireland at that point and they made people stay away from part of the forest 'cause they thought it was cursed. Lo-Derek and I played there a lot and we knew the boundaries pretty well, which is why Cadeyrn, that was the guy's name, surprised me in the woods and managed to chase me down.” A smile touched her lips at the next part, followed by a little chuckle. “It ended in him pointing an arrow at me while I was ready to throw one of my knives at his face. We literally stayed that way for several seconds before he blinked and lowered his bow with a simple 'you're a girl' comment.” Laughter was evident in her voice by now. “I almost beat the shit out of him at that exact moment, but had to give him props for having the balls to make that statement.” A full-blown grin now rested on her face, touched with a hit of sadness, as one of her hands came up to intertwine with Clint's. “Things just kinda happened after that.”

Everyone was blinking at her as if she were crazy.

“Let me get this straight,” insisted Tony. “The man chases you through the woods, threatens to shoot you with an arrow, which we are so going to come back to, and you two end up doing the horizontal mambo? You have a seriously messed up set of standards Darce.”

Darcy growled a little. “He had the balls to stand up to me and he wasn't freaked out that I might be some kinda fey or something. That was rare back then. Can't blame a girl...”

Natasha chuckled. “So, the young goddess has a love for archers. You may wish to guard your place Clint, should she trade you in for a younger model.”

Clint just smirked and leaned against the couch. “Come on 'Tasha, you know she couldn't replace me. You still haven't.”

“What of this man's soul?” broke in Thor, heading off any bantering. Sadly. “Can Rohan not track him through his rebirth so you might be reunited?”

Darcy shifted uneasily against Clint, eyes dropping to her hands. “Of course she can. Aunt Rohan's awesome like that. And she has, a few times. I've just never had the nerve to go after him again.”

Jane sniffled a little and drew Darcy into a tight hug which she released Clint to return. “Why Darce? I mean, clearly you love him.”

Clint was shifting uneasily again and Darcy reached out to retake his hand, even though Jane was still hugging her. “Yeah, I do but I've always kinda been afraid of loosing him again. The man doesn't know how not to be a warrior. And, well, loosing him again...it was hard enough the first time.”

Jane's arms tightened around Darcy while everyone else gave Clint sympathetic looks. It was hard to know your girlfriend loved someone else. Especially a dead-but-reincarnated ex-lover. Is it an ex-lover when you were separated by death but could still get back together in the next life?

Uneasily, Clint cleared his throat. He felt his heart slowly tearing itself apart. “Darcy, why didn't you ever mention this?” 

One look at Clint as she pulled away from Jane and Darcy knew exactly where his thoughts were headed. Well, that needed correcting. “Clint, no! That so isn't what's going on.” The confused and skeptical look, furrowed eyebrows with one raised slightly higher than the other, had Darcy wrapping herself around him again and forcing his head down so their eyes could meet. “Clint, listen to me. I love you. That's not a lie.” Taking a deep breath, she settled her nerves and pushed on forward. “That guy I mentioned? He's kinda you. Well, your soul is the same anyway.”

Clint felt his mouth moving mindlessly up and down without producing sound. Darcy continued, careful to maintain eye contact. “I thought about approaching you six different times since we first met. Well, six different lives. But I always chickened out 'cause you've never not been a warrior archer and I don't wanna loose you again. The first time was bad enough. Then, I finally ended up face-to-face with you in this life and thought 'what the hell, he doesn't know I've pretty much been stalking him through incarnations so its not like he'll freak' and jumped you.” She paused to take a breath for a moment but continued before Clint could get a word in. “Was that a bad idea?”

The tight pull of Clint's arms as he tugged her into his lap with a relieved sigh told her that, no, it was a perfectly good idea. He held her tightly, not really caring anymore what the rest of the team knew. Before, anything he did could have counted as friendly comfort or support. This was just blatant boyfriend cuddling. One of her own hands came up to stroke his hair as she let him hold her possessively. It was a few moments before anyone broke the silence.

And of course, it had to be Clint. “So, did I really pin you with an arrow?”

Darcy smirked slightly and kissed the top of his head. “Yeah, though I could have disappeared before you could hit me if I wanted.”

“Not fair,” pouted Clint, finally leaning back. “Using magic against us mortals when we can't retaliate. Did you enchant me too?”

“Hardly,” snorted Darcy. “'Course, you tried to make that claim, but it failed miserably.”

“I'd imagine,” muttered Clint as he leaned over to kiss her quickly. “Can I go next?”

Darcy shrugged. “Shoot.”

Clint's grin widened a little momentarily before softening. “Can you're family travel here from wherever they are?”

“Sure,” shrugged Darcy. “Aunt Rohan and Mom can use the between paths in Death or Time and Grandmother has always been able to get down here somehow. Why?”

“Um, I don't want to get murdered for sleeping with you?” tried Clint uneasily.

The laughter Darcy gave in response dissipated any tension left in the room. “Oh god, Clint! That so isn't gonna happen. No one in my family save Lopt cares who I fuck. Seriously, no one. And he only cares because it gets really awkward when you accidentally project thoughts and images related to your sexcapades to your brother. Well, and vice versa.”

Clint looked relieved. “So no-one's going to kick my ass?”

“No one except maybe Loki,” assured Darcy. “And even then, I think you'd have to hurt me first.”

He snorted. “I'm more afraid of what you'd do to me if I hurt you than what Loki'd do.”

She returned his comment with a toothy smile. “Why, Mr. Barton, I think that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.”

“If that's the nicest thing he's ever said to you, clearly he's not doing his job,” objected Tony mildly. Darcy rolled her eyes and contemplated sticking her tongue out at the billionaire.

Pepper interrupted their antics before things got out of hand. “Tony, try to behave. Darcy, may I ask next?”

“Whatever you'd like Pepper,” assured Darcy with a grin. “Seriously, order of questions and all that? Completely up to you guys.”

“Right,” agreed Pepper. “Well, I'm just curious, what are you the goddess of?”

Darcy raised an eyebrow as everyone turned towards her. “Uh, nothing? I'm not a goddess.”

Thor looked more than a little confused. “That is impossible. Lady Darcy, you are the daughter of my brother, Loki, the God of Mischief, and the goddess Kith'ka of the Stream of Time. You are indeed a goddess.”

“No, I'm not,” corrected Darcy with a bit of a huff. “Mom isn't a goddess. She was created by Grandmother twisting a mortal soul into an immortal one. That doesn't make Mom a goddess.” When Thor opened his mouth to continue arguing, she continued quickly. “Look Thor, Mom isn't a goddess but Dad is a god. I'll give you that. And by that calculation I could be considered a demi-goddess. But that's the most I could be. And even if I was a goddess, I'm not the goddess of anything except maybe mischief, magic, or trouble. But to be a goddess of one of those, I'd need to be declared such and that ain't gonna happen.”

Thor crossed his arms as he stared at Darcy. “It should have already been done. You are a goddess by birth, the blood of a god runs in your veins!”

Darcy shook her head, again. “You know what Thor? Even if someone were crazy enough to want to declare me a goddess, I wouldn't want them to. Being a goddess is a hell of a lot of hard work and I'm perfectly happy living mortal lives, training with Grandmother as a warrior, and helping when Mom or Aunt Rohan needs it. I don't need to be a goddess in my own right.”

Tony was staring at her as if she'd just informed him that all his wealth were completely worthless. “Why the hell wouldn't you want to be a goddess? Having people worship you and all that? Come on!”

Behind her, Clint nodded. “I've gotta agree Darcy, that does sound like a pretty good deal to turn down.”

She sighed heavily and shook her head. “There's a hell of a lot more to it than what everyone makes it out to be in my family. Mom and Aunt Rohan aren't goddesses but they're bound up in Time and Death individually, which keeps them constantly busy. Mom's always checking to make sure the time stream hasn't gotten out of whack and Aunt Rohan is constantly trying to keep the dead under control and the whole world balanced. If I allowed myself to be declared a goddess then I'd have to do those same kinds of things. Mom and Rohan never wanted to be goddesses, and I don't either. Neither does Derek. We're happy with our lives, changing the status quo would be stupid.”

Tony looked ready to argue again but Pepper shoved another napkin in his mouth and nodded. “I can understand that. Dr. Banner, would you like to ask anything?”

Banner shook his head calmly. “I'll pass. There is little more I'd care to know. Besides, both Darcy and Clint look as if they'd rather return to their room.”

“So true,” muttered Darcy as she stood quickly and grabbed Clint's hand, hauling him up without a second thought. Of course, the strength behind it surprised him enough that he stumbled forward. Darcy winced when he landed against the coffee table. “Sorry.”

Everyone was blinking at her in shock again. Great.

“What?” she asked with a sigh, already knowing the answer but praying no one would actually say anything.

“You're super strong too???” exclaimed Tony, some envy leaking in.

Nope, no such luck on the no saying anything front. Her sigh was beyond exasperated. “I'm not super strong. But I am trained as a warrior, and as I told Clint earlier the body I'm in right now is basically my immortal body without the immortality bit attached. At least, I think that's how it works. Never been completely sure.” Shaking her head to regain her point, she plowed forward. “Look, the point is that I am strong, but showing off that strength isn't part of my mortal act. When you're a girl my size who can flip someone Thor's size over her shoulder, well, it spawns questions which aren't always fun to answer.”

Thor was blinking at her in surprise. “You believe yourself capable of flipping one such as myself?”

“Dude, I know I can flip you,” snorted Darcy. “I did it once, you just don't remember it.”

Thor still looked confused, but now Tony was giving her a skeptical look. “Really Darce? I'm pretty damn sure Thor would remember if you flipped him.”

Darcy rolled her eyes and shrugged. “It happened when Derek and I swiped the Odin Cube for our prank. Thor accidentally stumbled across us so I flipped him, knocked him out, then transported him elsewhere and wiped his memory. Its not hard to do when you know the right spells.”

Again, everyone was staring at her like she'd grown a second head. Except now the head was apparently a dragon because there was fear in their eyes too. Sighing, she plowed on. “Look, I don't do stuff like that anymore. Besides, I wouldn't do it to any of you anyway. The whole reason I even bothered that other time was because Derek and I were still being hidden away. And being caught in Asgard, where we were never supposed to even go, well, we freaked. Making Thor forget he'd ever seen us was the best plan we could come up with.”

Jane nodded slowly. “So you did that once, and all because you were trying to maintain your unknown status?”

“Yeah,” sighed Darcy. “Mom didn't want us going to Asgard, and we disobeyed her. Getting lectured by our mom, well...you wouldn't think it just looking at her, but Mom can be really freakin' scary when she's pissed.”

“I would imagine,” agreed Thor. “The Lady Kith'ka, when I did meet her the first time, nearly curled into her cloak out of fear. Once she was comfortable with our presence though, her true power began to shine through. I still maintain that my brother's attraction to her came somewhat from her powerful abilities.”

Darcy snorted. “Actually, its more because Mom put up with him. She told us about her time on Asgard and how boring it woulda been without Loki around. Well, that and how some jackass guard tried to force himself on her and Loki ended up nearly eviscerating the guy. Go Dad.”

Thor nodded grimly. “I do remember that incident. Loki was very displeased and it was only with monumental force that the Warriors Three, myself, and Sif dislodged him from the guard.”

A smirk darted across Darcy's face. “And then you left the guard alone with Aunt Rohan. Real smooth.”

Thor just shrugged with a massive grin. “It was within her right to defend her sister's honor. I was merely giving her the opportunity to exercise that right.”

His grin coupled with his reasoning sent Darcy in a fit of laughter. “Right dude. Anyway, enough surprises for tonight. Clint and I are goin' back upstairs to continue with the sexy fun times.” With a grin, she grabbed Clint's hand, careful not to send him careening again, and started for the stairs. “Night!”

“Darcy!” called Natasha from her place on the couch. The Widow's words were softly spoken, but attention grabbing none the less.

Darcy paused and half turned towards the woman with a raised eyebrow. “'Sup?”

The Russian assassin shot her back a smirk. “Tomorrow, you should join us for sparring practice. It would be nice to see exactly what you can do.”

A grin was given in return for the smirk. “I'll think about it. A girl's gotta keep some secrets after all.”

Natasha nodded in understanding and Darcy turned to finish pulling Clint back up the stairs. Well, really, once he got his feet back under him, he was the one pulling her but semantics weren't important. They were going to spend the rest of the night having sexy-style fun and tomorrow, hopefully, she could put all of this behind her and continue with her mortal life as it had been.

Too bad fate wasn't feeling charitable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up: Enter Odin and Frigga. Oh boy.


	3. Meeting the Grandparents

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enter Odin and Frigga. This can not end well for Fury.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And yet more insanity.

It was several weeks before the events of the day which Darcy now simply refers to as The Roof Incident (yes, she even uses capitals) resurfaces. With a vengeance. Leaving Darcy wanting to run for the Himalaya’s. Or Jotunheim. Whichever is easier to hide in, which is probably Jotunheim.

Thor had been gone for almost a week, away on a family visit to Asgard. Of course, Darcy hadn't considered any of the potential ramifications of this little trip or the fact that Thor apparently couldn't keep his mouth shut. Nope, none of that had crossed her mind. So when Thor came bursting into the gym where the rest of the Avengers were trying to convince Darcy that sparing with them was a wonderful idea (for getting them killed maybe; she was a member of the Morrigan's house after all) shouting that his parents were coming for a damn visit, well, Darcy should have seen it coming. 

At first, she wasn't worried. After all it wasn't hard to disappear for a week and there was no reason why either Asgardian royal would want anything to do with her. Then Thor had to sweep her up in his arms and promptly informed her that his parents couldn't wait to meet their first granddaughter. He was really lucky she wasn't armed with her taser at that exact moment. As things stood, it had taken a lot of effort not to drop his ass into another dimension for a few minutes. Really, it wasn't that hard to do. Maybe something with giant snakes....

The sensation of crunching bones brought her back to reality and one of her hands came up to smack Thor on the back of the head. It didn't hurt him, after all she wasn't at full strength at the moment, but it did surprise him enough that he dropped her quickly. And hard. She definitely needed to talk to him about the right way to put someone down.

“Fuckin' hell Thor!” snapped Darcy as she stood, anger rolling off her in strong enough waves that the walls actually started to bend a little. That was the problem with being a powerful magic user: when you got mad things started unraveling at the molecular level. “WHY would you ever think it was a GOOD idea to TELL YOUR PARENTS Lopt and I EXIST? If we wanted them to know that, we would have already told them!”

Thor was just standing there blinking at her cluelessly with an expression that resembled an injured puppy. “I don't understand. Are you not happy my parents have been alerted of your existence? They will surely take you and your brother to court in Asgard where you may live in opulence and grandeur as a member of the royal family!”

Darcy groaned and forced her anger back into the little box she kept it locked away in. Really, distorting physical reality wasn't something she needed to be doing at the moment. “Thor, I grew up on Niflheim, primarily in the barrow-lands, bog lands, and the Longhouse of the Morrigan. I like it there, dead people and all. What makes you think I'd ever want to live on Asgard?”

Behind her, she could hear Tony sputter a little even as Clint made an odd kind of gagging noise. The others were silent, but she guessed it was out of shock because the walls were still looking deformed and she wasn't sure how to stop that now without focusing on the problem. Or maybe the deformities were from when they started to physically melt earlier. Either way....

“You live in hell?!?” exclaimed Tony, loudly.

Darcy shot Tony a 'wtf' look, momentarily glancing back at the others who are staring at her in various states of shock. Tracing back through what she'd just said, she remembered that the little bit about living in the land of the dead had been left out up until now. Huh, well that explained the hell comment. Human concepts of the dead were always really weird to her, but whatever. When in Rome and all that...well, actually her and Lopt had never acted like Romans when they were in Rome. The actions of the Roman people had always struck them as obnoxious and more than a little depraved. Except in the one city filled with people who called themselves Goths. Her and Lopt had totally fit in there. Digressing.

“Its not really Hell, so much as an area we share with the dead,” explained Darcy in the most dismissive way she could. Trying to explain all this was going to take way too much effort. “And its not like we lived with the dead. They were in an area below where we lived. Besides, with Aunt Rohan there its more like living in a really weird kingdom than a place where dead people go. Plus, the dead are only there for so long before they get reincarnated and go back to whatever realm they're originally from as new people, so we never have to deal with them for long.”

Her words didn't appear to offer any comfort. What. So. Ever. 

“So, you don't wish to come live on Asgard?” questioned Thor uneasily.

“No!” snapped Darcy angrily. “Beyond the glint and general attitude of the population there's also what you're parents did to Dad, which I never agreed with before I even knew he was my father! Plus, they exiled Mother for telling the truth and banned Aunt Rohan by association. Why would I ever want to live in a place with people like that?”

Thor sighed and looked properly chastised. “I thought to tell my family because I believed they would want to know. You are their granddaughter, and your brother their grandson. My mother has long wished Loki and I would have children. She once even said that a vision had come to her of two young children, a boy and girl with great resemblance to Loki. My brother never believed her words until, perhaps, the day he met you.”

Darcy was silent for a long moment before she began to speak softly. “Look, I know you didn't mean any harm Thor. But you've gotta understand that Derek and I have worked really hard to not to be found out about. We don't want your parents to know about us because we knew there was always the chance of a fight.”

“Why would there be a fight?” asked Clint, one of his arms coming up to wrap around her shoulders. “Wouldn't it just be a 'oh, by the way, my daughter had your son's kids' comment?”

“You don't know much about Asgardians, do you?” asked Jane with a shake of her head. She'd heard the stories and knew exactly what Darcy was afraid of. “Odin and Frigga are likely to fight for the right to have both Darcy and Derek come live on Asgard, even if neither one wants to. Its a matter of honor for them: the twins are their kin, regardless of if their parents were married when they were born. Neither one will just let them go, not without trying to have some influence on their lives.”

Darcy nodded, her head coming back to rest on Clint's shoulder. “The worst part is that Grandmother and Odin have a pact. So, basically, if Grandmother needs help, Odin has to help her and vice-versa. If Grandmother refuses to give in to Odin's demands concerning Derek and I, he could void the pact. Which could be very bad.”

“Why wouldn't she just tell you to suck it up and deal?” asked Tony.

“It's what a good soldier would do,” agreed Steve uneasily.

Darcy raised an eyebrow at both men. “You haven't been paying attention, have you? My grandmother is the goddess of war, strife, and fertility. She's all about female strength and won't force anyone to do anything they don't want to, much less her own granddaughter and grandson. For our whole lives she has allowed mother to raise us, no matter how much she disagreed with mother's choices. As far as she's concerned, its not her place to interfere in our lives, especially if its something like this.”

Jane nodded slowly, moving to stand with Thor and rubbing her hand softly up and down his arm. “So, she won't make you do anything you don't want to.”

“Nope,” confirmed Darcy. “She never has before and I don't see her doing so now.”

Thor sighed heavily. “So you will refuse an audience with Mother and Father?”

Darcy sighed and shook her head slowly. “No, I won't refuse to see them. If there's gonna be a political rift over this matter, I'm not gonna cause it.” Thor started to grin again but she stopped him with a raised hand. “However, I won't put up with them disrespecting Mother or Aunt Rohan and there is no way I will let them have any influence on my life. It belongs to me and no one else has any right to criticize my choices or control my actions.”

“That's reasonable,” pointed out Clint. “I mean, its not like they knew about you or anything before now. Besides, what can they say? You're our granddaughter, do as we say?”

\---------------------------------------------------------------  
Clint didn't know how close his words came to matching her exact fears. In fact, as Darcy watched Odin and Frigga stroll into the training room with Thor where she was currently taking a break from her earlier sparing with Natasha, her stomach practically dropped out. No, this was a horrible idea and she wished now that she'd run instead.

Odin looked as proud as she had expected he would, single eye examining everything around him with the exacting precision of a military man. Beside him, Frigga looked like the mother goddess that she was, feminine in her floating gown of gold and delicate hair-do. It made Darcy feel grimy by comparison (which she was from working out, but still).

When both royal's eyes landed on her, all she wanted to do was open a portal and disappear. She could feel the judgment in their eyes. Here she was, an immortal choosing to live as a mortal and training in the art of battle. Yeah, Sif had revolutionized a lot of things but women warriors still weren't popular on Asgard. Well, not full time warriors. She damn well knew that Frigga could defend both her home and herself if the need arose.

“Father, Mother, this is Lady Rowena,” introduced Thor, who was practically bouncing up and down in his excitement. “She is Loki's daughter and twin to Lopt.”

Odin looked Darcy up and down as best he could given she was sitting on the floor with one leg bent towards her body while the other was stretched out. Her back was pressed against the wall and though she knew standing would be polite, right now it really wasn't appealing. Still, she didn't really want to start an inter-realm debate because her legs were a little tired.

With all the grace of a raven, she slid to her feet and stepped forward, though she didn't offer her hand. Sweaty handshakes weren't polite, no matter what mortal politicians said. It was disgusting. “Allfather, it's a pleasure to meet you.”

His eyes swept over her again now that she was standing, attempting to make her self-conscious perhaps. It was hard to say. Beside him, Frigga was looking her over as well, though with far more glee.

“You're my granddaughter then?” questioned Odin, voice carefully neutral.

Darcy nodded slightly. “So it would seem. Though, it surprised me as much as it probably did you.”

Odin started to respond but Frigga stepped in front of him, drawing Darcy's attention. The older woman looked her up and down, circling Darcy in a way that made her incredibly uneasy. When Frigga came to stand in front of her again, there was a grin on her lips. “Oh Rowena, it's wonderful to meet you!”

Suddenly, and much to Darcy's unease, she was swept up rather rapidly into a tight hug. “I always wished for grandchildren but neither your father or Uncle ever seemed willing to produce any!”

Thor blushed horribly and started to sputter something that sounded like it could have been an excuse, but Frigga continued unabashed, releasing Darcy again. Her hands rested on Darcy's shoulders as she looked her over again. “Oh darling, you're beautiful! Just as I envisioned any grandchildren of mine would be!” Leaning forward, she dropped her voice a little as if speaking a secret. “You will be well coveted on Asgard.”

“I'm sure I would be,” muttered Darcy as she pulled away from Frigga gently. Frigga frowned. “But, Lady Frigga, as I'm sure Thor has told you, I have no intention of coming to Asgard. Besides, I have a man already.” Much to Clint's horror, Darcy grabbed his arm and dragged him to her side without a second thought.

Odin's eye slide to Clint, looking him over with the same scrutiny that he'd shown Darcy. That same eye narrowed, somewhat unhappily. “He's a mortal.”

Darcy shrugged and gripped his arm tighter when he tried to subtly pull it away. “Yeah. I've been with him before though. Hell, we were almost married I think. It was fun until he died a bloody death.”

Clint stopped moving to shot her a pained look. “Thanks Darce, that makes everything sound so much better.”

Again, she shrugged. “Hey, at least you died in battle.” Looking back at Odin, she was careful to catch his eye before continuing in a far more serious voice. “Clint's a archer, Allfather. A warrior by nature. He works with Thor to hunt down the baddies who want us all dead and kicks their asses to the moon. Honorable, noble, and brave. Three things we respect in the Morrigan's house and the three that you respect in your own.” Her words were pointed: my family approves, butt out.

Odin nodded slowly as her message sunk in, eyes returning to Clint where he stood with his best military expression in place. “The Morrigan approves of him?”

“He'll be brought to her realm to spend an eternity with our family if he so chooses,” confirmed Darcy mildly. “That's pretty much the best go-ahead that you can get from her.”

A smile twitched at the edge of Odin's lips as he nodded. “I can accept this, then. Though, do understand young warrior that you will be entering a chaotic household. The Morrigan's realm has never been calm nor will it ever be with her brood present.”

Clint gave his best cocky smirk and looked to Darcy, who was trying not to giggle. Chaotic was being kind when describing her family. “Bring it.”

Darcy grinned up at him, cocking an eyebrow slightly in his direciton. “Even if Loki's gonna be your father-in-law?”

“That will take some getting used to,” admitted Clint with a wince. His previous cocky grin was replaced by a soft smile, his eyes focusing on her with all the adoration that he could muster. “Doesn't matter though. Your worth it.”

Frigga huffed a little, shaking her head sadly but there was a touch of a smile on her lips. Apparently, even she could agree with this. It probably helped that sappy Clint appealed to her romantic side. Though, how she still had one of those after being married to Odin for who knew how long Darcy wasn't sure. The man seemed to have a good sense of humor (if not a bit demented, but what god didn't have one of those?), but she guessed he was lacking in the romantic department. “I still believe you would find an excellent match on Asgard, but it seems your preferences have been made known. You choose well, regardless. Perhaps your brother will be more willing to search our halls for a mate. Speaking of him, where is this brother you have?”

Darcy glanced at her watch, ignoring the comment about her brother. She wasn't about to be the one to tell her grandmother that she was pretty sure he favored guys. “Court.”

Odin looked impressed. “Your brother rules?”

“Yeah,” confirmed Darcy with a roll of her eyes. “He rules at kicking legal ass. The man graduated from Columbia with honors. Now he works for the Attorney General as a prosecutor for the state. Basically, he's part of the legal system.”

Clint gave her a slack-jawed look of wide-eyed shock. “Your brother got into Columbia?”

“My brother set the standards for his year,” snorted Darcy with a shake of her head. “We're Loki's kids. He's not stupid. Neither is our mother. Plus, we've got roughly 1200 years of life/death/immortal experience behind us. I could have done the same as him but political science sounded more interesting.”

Tony snorted. “How the hell is political science more interesting than, well, anything else? Its not even a real science!”

“Eh,” shrugged Darcy. “I blame Machiavelli. Spent too much time hanging out with him during the late-14-early-15 hundreds.”

“You knew Machiavelli?” questioned Natasha, her face as impassive as possible given the conversation.

Clint smirked. “So, you were literally inspired by Machiavelli?”

“Pretty much,” confirmed Darcy as she glanced at her watch again then stepped back, dragging Clint with her. “Court's done.”

The words were barely out of her mouth before a crack and flash lit up the room much as had happened the first time Derek had showed up out of nowhere. The light was gone almost before people could register it and Darcy's twin was standing there looking irritated. In a full suit with a briefcase in hand.

“Are they actually here yet or can I change?” asked Derek curiously, eyes focused on Darcy.

Darcy gestured to Odin and Frigga. “They're here but go change. Seriously, no rush.”

“Sweet,” replied Derek before he disappeared in another flash of light.

It was just after he'd vanished that Fury came storming into the gym with Agents Coulson and Hill on his tail. Fury looked pissed. “Does anyone want to explain to me why there are random Asgardians in my motherfucking base?”

Darcy pointed at Thor. “Blame Thor.”

Fury cocked an eyebrow at her. “Somehow, I suspect you have more to do with this.”

“Hardly,” snorted Darcy. “This was not my idea. Like I said, blame Thor.”

“My parents are hardly 'random Asgardians', as you put it,” objected Thor before Fury could continue his back and forth with Darcy.

Fury opened his mouth to respond but another bright flash of light cut through the room, leaving Derek standing there in jeans and a t-shirt. “That's better. Though I love beating defense lawyers into the ground with a good verbal backhand, I wish the suits were optional.”

“You chose it,” pointed out Darcy mildly as she glanced at her watch. “Wanna grab dinner?”

“Sure,” shrugged Derek. “Where from?”

Darcy screwed up her forehead in concentration for all of two seconds. “That Mexican place with the salsa dance floor?”

“I think its Guatemalan,” corrected Derek. “But sure, always fun.”

“Sick, anyone else wanna come?” asked Darcy with a cocked head as she turned to look at the rest of the room. Everyone looked a little uneasy except Odin who was looking at her expectantly. “Oh right, introductions. Sorry, dinner came up.” Clearing her throat, she turned to face both Asgardians. “Allfather, Lady Frigga, this is Lopt, my twin brother. Lopt, Odin and Frigga.” She even accompanied the introductions with the proper hand gestures. “So intro's done, lets get dinner.”

Lopt nodded happily. “Agreed. Maybe we can get some of those round things we got last time.”

“Oh, those were good,” agreed Darcy as she grabbed Clint's arm and headed for the exit with him in tow and Lopt beside her. “What were those called?”

Fury cut in just as Lopt opened his mouth, halting all other conversations. “As interesting as I'm sure this conversation is, Miss Lewis who is this man?”

Lopt blinked in surprise. “You don't know me? Wow. That's kinda surprising given you're head of a government agency. I'm Derek Malkolm, Attorney for the state of New York and candidate for Attorney General.”

“Seriously?” asked Darcy with a raised eyebrow. “Just candidate? I'd think after you dunked the Warren case last year you'd be good.”

“Yeah, well, there is another candidate,” explained Derek with a shrug. “Remember Matt Merdock?”

Darcy grinned. “The blind guy? Dude, he's awesome.”

“He's up too.” Derek leaned down to mutter to his sister. “Personally, I hope he gets it. He's been at this longer than me and he's a kick-ass attorney.”

“At least if you loose its to a good man,” pointed out Darcy. “And the state doesn't loose either way, because you'd both be good.”

“Exactly,” confirmed Derek before he turned back to Fury. “So, I'm an attorney for the state and her immortal brother. Can we go now?”

Another crack echoed behind them suddenly, causing Clint to spin violently towards the sound while the twins just causally turned their heads. Loki was left standing in the middle of the gym sans armor with a dark-haired woman in a green dress embroidered with Celtic knot work. She smiled when her eyes landed on the twins who quickly changed direction and practically ran towards the woman.

“Mom!” their unified explanation echoed through the room as they threw their arms around the woman. “What are you doing here?”

The woman hummed slightly, hugging both of her children tightly. “Loki said you two were up to no good.”

“Always,” confirmed the twins with identical mischievous grins. “Trouble is best when it comes in pairs.”

Loki laughed even as the woman shook her head in disbelief. “So you say. See what you missed Loki? All the lovely adventures your children got mixed up in.”

“Ah but Kith'ka, if I'd been there they would have gotten into more trouble,” pointed out Loki with a grin of his own. One of his arms wrapped around the woman as the twins released her. “Of course, there is always time for that now.”

The woman, Kith'ka, groaned and pressed a hand to the side of her face but her grin was still visible. “Mother always warned me about the mischievous ones.”

“So did Rohan,” pointed out Loki.

Kith'ka raised an eyebrow at him as her hand dropped away. “You gist. Rohan encouraged me. She always did like you. Thor, no. But she had a soft spot for you.”

“How does anyone not like Thor?” wondered Tony out loud. “The man's a puppy in hu-er-Asgardian skin.”

“He was an ass when we arrived on Asgard,” explained Kith'ka. “He didn't like that Rohan would not bow to him and that neither of us seemed to 'understand the proper way to greet a prince'.”

Loki shook his head. “That never did make sense to me. You were both newly made immortals. What could be expected of you?”

Kith'ka shrugged and turned back towards the twins. “Now, what were you two up to before we arrived?”

“Dinner,” replied the twins. “Wanna join us?”

“Sounds wonderful,” agreed Loki, his arm returning to Kith'ka's waist. His eyes drifted to Odin and Frigga for a moment but a simple nod seemed to carry all messages between them. Namely: I'll be civil if you will. Odin's return nod implied agreement, which eased Darcy's mind a fraction of a stress-bar. Honestly, her father and Odin fighting had been the least of her concerns that night.

“Was anyone else coming?” asked Kithka curiously, bring Darcy out of her thoughts.

Darcy shrugged and stepped back, hands sliding into the pockets of her training pants. “I'm dragging Clint along.”

“The most recent incarnation of your love,” nodded Kith'ka as her eyes strayed to Clint, who was standing uneasily next to Fury. “I have always wanted to meet this man.”

Clint choked a little. Fury apparently took pity on him because he pounded him lightly on the back. Coulson looked as if he was trying not to laugh, along with Natasha who'd wondered over to him during the commotion. 

Darcy's brows furrowed lightly as she considered something. “I thought you did 700 years ago.”

“No, that was Rohan,” corrected Kith'ka. “I was walking the stream that time.”

“Oh,” muttered Darcy before she turned to look at Derek. “You've met him, right?”

Derek snorted. “I almost took his head off about 800 years ago, around the time you two first met.”

Darcy shot Derek a 'really?' look but the memory seemed to come back quickly because she snapped her fingers suddenly. “Right, I almost kicked your ass for that one.”

“Something like that,” confirmed Derek uneasily (read: Darcy totally kicked his ass but he doesn't want to recall getting his ass beat by his sister). “Anyway, dinner?”

“Yeah, dinner,” agreed Darcy as she walked back over to Clint and grabbed his hand again. “Anyone else wanna come along?”

Odin and Frigga exchanged glances but nodded none the less. Thor grinned and practically bound past Fury and his grim gang of agents like a hyper puppy. “Please, allow me to collect my fair Jane and then we will gladly join you!”

“Whatever floats your boat dude,” shrugged Darcy as she looked back around the room. “Anyone else?”

Fury bristled a little. “Miss Lewis, I must object-”

“Lewis?” questioned Frigga in surprise. “What is this Lewis non-sense? Your last name is Lokisana.”

“Actually, my last name is Morrigana but that's not really relevant here,” corrected Darcy as she focused on Fury. “What's to object to? It'll be a family outing, plus two. Or, you know, five if the rest of the Avengers decide to tag along.” Turning, she grinned at the others. “What do you guys think?”

Tony shrugged. “Guatemalan food and probable entertainment? I'm in. Let me call Pep and she can meet us there.”

Steve looked uneasy but nodded none the less. Darcy was willing to bet his agreement had more to do with believing they needed someone to supervise them than any actual interest in joining their shenanigans. She knew his presence would reduce the chance of Fury blowing a gasket though.

Beside Darcy, Clint sent Natasha a pleading look that clearly said 'please come? I need someone to help me'. Natasha, for her part, rolled her eyes but nodded. “I'm in as well.”

“Think we need a reservation with twelve of us?” wondered Derek mildly.

“Nah, we'll be fine,” shrugged Darcy. “Worst case, we wait a few minutes.” Glancing back at Fury, she gave him a wide grin. “Wanna come too, boss?”

“What I want is for random Asgardians to stop appearing in my motherfucking base,” grumbled Fury with a sigh. “Look, Lewis, you can't just take a group of alien gods out into the city on a whim.”

Darcy shrugged. “Why not? We do it with Thor all the time. Plus, by your logic I'm a 'random alien god' too and I go out on a whim almost nightly.”

“You were also raised on Earth,” pointed out Fury as patiently as he could. “Miss Lewis, I can't allow you to take them out of the base unsupervised. I'm sorry.”

Derek cocked an eyebrow at Fury. “You do know she can freeze time, right? And that if anything started to happen we could sorta stop it? Well,” he looked at Darcy with a furrowed brow, “could we?”

“I had a meeting with Gaia the other day. She cleared us to use magic freely to solve, and I quote, 'any dispute directly involving any member of our immediate family which is relevant to us',” explained Darcy. “In other words, if Dad, Mom, Grandfather, Grandmother, or anyone else we're related to starts a fight, we can get involved without worrying about retaliation.”

“Sweet,” clapped Derek. “So, family conflicts aren't a concern. Any other issues?”

Fury groaned. “That isn't the issue. This breaks every protocol and regulation we have in place!”

“Well, what would make it follow protocol?” asked Darcy. She raised one hand, ticking off points as she went. “We aren't going out unsupervised, the entire Avengers team will be there. They'll be escorted around by people who can handle anything that happens, i.e. Derek and I. No one will be able to recognize them, so that isn't an issue.” Odin made a sound like he wanted to object but Darcy ignored that. “I've seen the depictions of both Odin and Frigga, and they don't look anything like the real-deal. Furthermore, Mom never made it into human legend so that's not a concern. Most people probably won't recognize Dad because, well, no one's really gotten a good look at him in any of the news footage. And Thor goes out all the time with Jane, so if there was gonna be an issue it would have already happened. The only issue I can foresee is us having to wait for a table. Anything I missed?”

“Security checks,” commented Coulson mildly as he glanced through a pile of papers he'd produced from seemingly nowhere. She swore the man was magic himself. Or his clothes were the wearable equivalent of a Mary Poppins bag.

Darcy shrugged. “For the restaurant or the Asgardians? Because Derek and I have been to that place before and we didn't see or hear anything questionable. Plus, JARVIS could probably run a background check before we could blink. Right JARVIS?”

“Absolutely Miss Lewis,” confirmed the disembodied British voice that was JARVIS. “Would you like me to do so?”

“Yes please,” confirmed Darcy.

Behind her Odin had a sword in hand rather suddenly. “What magic is this?”

“Technology,” supplied Darcy with only half a glance back at the Allfather. “And put that thing away, you're making Steve nervous.”

True to her word, Steve looked more than a little uneasy. Everyone stared at the super-soldier for a moment, making the man blush. “He pulled it out of almost nowhere...”

“There's a scabbard on his belt,” explained Derek with a shrug. To Darcy he added: “We should make them leave all weapons here.”

“Good idea,” agreed Darcy. “Alright all Asgardian's, please deposit all weapons into the bin that has magically appeared by the door.”

Said bin popped into existence rather suddenly and directly next to the door as advertised. It was big, blue, labeled 'Weapons Go Here' and looked identical to a recycling bin if a recycling bin was large enough to dump a small munitions factory in. It was also floating with little glittery spots around it. And a giant arrow with the words 'Please Leave All Weapons Here Before Exiting the Gym/Landing Pad' hovering above it.

“I object!” exclaimed Odin unhappily. “I am a warrior and will not easily hand over my armaments!”

Darcy shrugged mildly. “Then you can stay here or go back to Asgard. You're not the king of this planet. Different rules apply. 'Sides, it'd be bad if you caused an inter-realm incident 'cause you accidentally skewered someone.”

Odin scowled. “Again, I refuse to hand over my arms.”

“Hey, you can keep those. All we want are your weapons,” joked Clint uneasily.

Darcy blinked at him for a moment before what was said actually registered. It took a lot of will power to suppress her laughter. Derek looked to be struggling too. A smirk was on his face and he kept doing the snort thing he did when he was suppressing his laughter.

Apparently, Odin didn't understand because he scowled at Clint but Frigga broke in before an actual fight could start. “Odin, stop being difficult and hand over your weapons. I won't have you ruin a chance to get to know our grandchildren because you're too bullheaded to follow the rules. I can understand their concerns. You make visitors disarm before entering your realm, they're merely asking you to do the same.”

The grumbling didn't stop but Odin did proceed to dump his sword into the bin along with a wicked looking knife that he'd had in his boot. “Happy?”

“Exceptionally,” confirmed Frigga as she retook his arm after depositing her own knife in the bin. “Now, shall we go?”

“Yeah,” confirmed Darcy who was still trying to restrain her laughter. “Lets get out of here. Unless you still object, Director Fury?”

Fury sighed unhappily, one hand coming up to rub his forehead. “Agent Coulson, Agent Hill, grab your coats. We're going along on this little trip down insanity lane.”

“Yes, sir,” replied both Hill and Coulson as they turned and left the room. Darcy could have sworn she saw Coulson and Hill exchange a subtle high-five before the door shut behind them, but she could have been wrong. Probably not though.

Grinning, Darcy linked arms with Clint and started towards the doors herself. “Right, this way people! Guatemalan food and dancing await!”

================================================

Darcy and Derek would later maintain that everything went off without a hitch. Fury would disagree. The photographic evidence that would later emerge curtsey of Stark didn't help matters either. Everyone emerged relatively unscathed and alive though, which really was all that mattered. At least, that was the stance Darcy was taking and she was sticking to it. Even when she semi-died two weeks later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I do have another chapter planned. Maybe. If I ever get around to doing it. And one more beyond that too (if I don't just do one long one). Anything anyone wants to see more about?


	4. Death, Life, and Surpises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Darcy dies...and comes back again. Insanity ensues, as usual.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, third to final chapter I think. Unless something strikes me upside the head. Which may or may not happen. Anyway, I apologize in advance for anything too crazy with this chapter. I started and stopped on it several times before finishing it last night. Also, these past few weeks have been...hellish might be a bit strong, but yeah. If I didn't know better, I'd say someone was trying to kill me. Anyway, one with the story. Also, please see the end notes before making any comments on the chapter. I've got a few things to say there that I can't say here.
> 
> Enjoy,  
> Illusinia

_This is really bad,_ thought Darcy as she dodged behind a over-turned cafe table just as an explosion struck the wall directly behind her. Without thinking, she covered her head.  _Really, really bad._

 

Almost two weeks after Odin and Frigga's visit, things had just about returned to normal. There hadn't been any major disturbances or issues that required the Avengers assistance, so everyone was training or relaxing. Or trying to find out more about her and Derek, though that was mostly Tony's doing. That had ended that afternoon while she was out getting some coffee.

 

She hadn't been happy when she stepped out of the coffee shop to find small, magic-run robot spiders running a muck through the city. Those were the biggest pain in the ass to catch. Her temper was further pricked when a few of the devices decided to attack her, forcing her to drop the coffee she'd been holding in favor of freezing a few of the monsters in ice and taking cover behind the aforementioned table.

 

Sadly, her magic was too weak in this form for her to do much more. Attempting to freeze all of the robots in time might result in the Avengers being frozen as well. Plus, there were simply too many and freezing an entire city seemed like a bad idea anyway.

 

Peeking over the top of the table, she noted arrows raining down on the battle from above courtesy of Clint. A few robots went flying into walls near by, probably from Steve tossing them around like rag dolls. Several more exploded not far away.

 

At first, she thought Tony had pulled out the big guns but quickly realized Natasha had apparently hit something explosive that managed to create a miniature crater in the middle of the street. The city was going to love that one.

 

Tony was currently zooming around overhead, picking off the small robots while attempting to fend off the advances of several larger bots as well. One of which fired a bolt of lightning at the genius that sent him crashing to the ground beside Darcy's makeshift shield. His suit made a really nasty cracking sound as it hit the cement not far away, then the brick of the building.

 

Without much thought, she fired off the time-freeze spell at the larger enemy and ran to where Tony was laying on the ground. “Tony? Dude, get up! Come on!” She picked up his upper body, shaking it slightly in an attempt to rouse the man. When she still got no response, she started trying to find the emergency release.

 

Inside the suit, Darcy could hear a voice echoing from the built-in comms. “Tony! Are you there? Tony!” Steve's voice sounded a little frantic, not that Darcy could blame him. It was always worrisome when anyone didn't give a comm response.

 

“Steve!” shouted Darcy, attempting to be heard through the armor. “Steve, can you hear me?” Apparently Steve couldn't, because he shouted for Thor to look for Tony while he continued to take down the smaller bots.

 

She managed to finally find the emergency release and open the armor, just as a  _really freaking bad sound_ echoed from behind her. Slowly, eyes wide, Darcy turned towards the sound. And nearly dropped the chest plate from Tony's armor on his head, which he so didn't need. More brain damage wouldn't help the genius. Then again, neither would getting crushed. Which was what was about to happen. Potentially.

 

The really freaking bad sound had come from a giant version of the smaller bots. One that was nearly the size of a small sky scraper. And round. With spider-like legs and a giant spinning crystal inside a transparent dome on top of its head. Well, at least now she knew what the damn thing was. Unfortunately, no one else would. And she had no way to contact them. Double damn.

 

Glancing back at Tony, she made a quick decision and hoisted him up, moving him inside the shop while abandoning his armor outside. He'd be pissed when he woke up, but at least this way his chances of getting crushed like an aluminum can were reduced.

 

Slightly.

 

Dodging back outside, she managed to slip into the shadows and sneak the rest of the way to where the giant spider-bot was attempting to crush Thor with a pair of claws that had extended out of freaking no where.  _Thank god it's not one of the ones with an electric sword._ Those had absolutely sucked the one time she'd had to take one down with Derek.  _Too bad Frankenstein's research didn't remain buried with her._

 

If anyone asked, she'd deny to this day that the book Frankenstein was based on reality. Even though it really was. The joys of being an immortal: you learned shit you never wanted to learn in your life. Like how to bring the dead back to life.  _I'm very glad those days are over._ _Life is so much easier when mortals don't play with magic. Especially necromancy._

 

Without making too much noise, she managed to port herself up on top of the creature's dome. Step one was complete at least. In front of her, Thor suddenly crashed into the dome backwards, attempting to avoid one of the creature's claws.

 

“Thor!” shouted Darcy, drawing the God of Thunder's attention towards her.

 

Thor blinked up at her twice, apparently surprised to see her. “Lady Darcy, why are you riding atop this beast?”

 

“'Cause I've seen one before,” replied Darcy. “And know how to take it down, but I need you to break this glass. The bastard who built it magic-proofed it as well.”

 

For a moment, she thought Thor would refuse to assist her. The sound of the Hulk shouting out from down below though seemed to change his mind. Without a word, he slammed Mjolnir into the glass, sending a crack across the top. Which the creature retaliated against by slamming its claw into it's own dome a few inches from Thor. Watching the God of Thunder loose his balance and slide off the side of a domed magic-driven robot is a sight. One that would be funnier if the aforementioned claw wasn't rising back to make a second strike. Thankfully, the first hit managed to break a hole in the glass.

 

Darcy didn't waste any time slipping through the newly made hole in the dome, inadvertently courtesy of Thor, and dropping to the floor just as the second claw hit. Inside, the dome itself was filled with pipes and wires, even though the device was driven primarily by magic. Namely, by the giant freaking crystal in the middle of the room.

 

“Never saw Shelly build one that big,” muttered Darcy as she carefully started to pace the edge of the room. The runes across the floor lit up as she passed and yet again Darcy cursed her tendency to not learn random runic languages. Seriously, where was Derek when she needed him? Sighing, she stopped in front of a symbol she did recognize as meaning the equivalent of 'start' and took a deep breath. “Well, here goes nothing.”

 

And she promptly ran straight at the crystal.

 

Runes began to explode across the floor, attempting to halt her forward progress. Luckily, her time-freeze spell worked on the explosions, allowing her to stop the blasts before they could get to her. A few came up near her feet, which she had to port through, but otherwise she was alright. Until one caught her heel and sent her pitching forward towards the crystal. Luckily, she stopped just short of hitting it by grabbing a railing which circled the crystal. Unfortunately, her glasses went flying off her face and clattered away somewhere out of sight.

 

“Damnit!” cursed Darcy as she stumbled to her feet and uttered the spell she could use to improve her vision. It wasn't as good as a pair of glasses and no where near permanent but it worked in a jam. “Those were expensive too.”

 

Shaking her head with a sigh, she looked up at the massive crystal. It wasn't smooth, not at all. In fact, it looked as if it had been pulled out of the stone without refinement. A good way to do things when working with magic. No one would probably believe her, mainly because it just didn't look pretty, but unprocessed materials were better for working magic. Especially necromagic, which was exactly how this monstrosity was operating.

 

“Okay Darce, you're in this thing,” muttered Darcy contemplatively. “Now how do I destroy that crystal?”

 

In retrospect, she realized she hadn't really thought this one through. Destroying a magical artifact was often tricky and required some kind of specialized knowledge. Of course, she knew what she was looking at and knew what it would take to destroy the crystal. The hard part was finding a way to do that right  _now_ without the use of the massive volcano that her and Derek had previously utilized when faced with this problem. Which was probably good given said volcano had formerly erupted and destroyed a small island, thankfully uninhabited. It hadn't been their finest moment.

 

“So, no volcano's,” muttered Darcy as she slowly paced around the crystal. “What then.” She knew extreme heat would do the job, but wasn't sure where she could get it at this point. There was no way she had enough power to produce that sort of heat on her right now and the closest heat source she could think of was probably the Earth's core which, well, see former statement about volcano use in the past. “Okay, heat is out. No source. What else then? The physical form needs to be shattered to release the energy trapped inside. And it's a giant piece of crystal. All crystal's have a weak spot you can hit and they shatter...”

 

Slowly, Darcy walked around crystal, eyes tracing over its shape and looking for a weakness. Nothing was popping out though. How frustrating.

 

A sudden jolt sent the machine stumbling and Darcy crashing into the rail around the crystal. Luckily, the crystal was suspended by magic, so it didn't fall on her. Looking up, she noted that Thor had apparently crashed into the dome like an insect on a windshield. He blinked at her through his slightly smashed face. Huh. It was kinda funny in a way. She whipped out her phone and snapped a photo as Thor lay blinking against the glass before the claw threw him off to the side somewhere again and another large shift in the machine's balance knocked her sideways. Outside, something large hit the ground. Or hit the machine. Darcy wasn't really sure which.

 

Either way, it was bad.

 

Her eyes fell back on the crystal and it only took her a split second to make a decision. Placing both hands on the crystal, she closed her eyes and concentrated on the energy humming through the structure, following those paths to the center. When she could feel the pulse of the core echoing from the center of the crystal, she forcefully rerouted the energy coming off the crystal back to its center with some of her own in there for good measure. Don't try this at home kids, its not actually safe.

 

Though Darcy didn't have access to the same amount of energy to do magic with that she normally would, the quantity she could access was nothing to sneeze at. And more than enough to trigger an overload of the crystal. Devices like the crystal could only hold so much energy before the physical structure of the device became compromised. Lucky for New York.

 

Darcy allowed her hands to slip away from the crystal and dropped to her knees, panting. Doing this kind of magic took way too much effort as a human. She took quick stock of her energy levels, noting that she did still have some energy left, and looked up at the crystal. Which was now glowing like it was about to explode. Great.

 

“I really hope breaking the dome took away the magic-proofing,” muttered Darcy before she closed her eyes and willed herself to teleport back to the ground. She managed to escape just as the crystal exploded.

 

She appeared on the ground less than a second later, still kneeling and panting like she'd run a marathon. Above her, the main body of the spider-bot exploded in a fantastic blast that send shrapnel flying every which way and produced a billowing column of smoke as the legs of the machine gave out and it began to topple over. Right towards her.

 

Darcy barely had time to mutter out a 'fuck' as she realized the device was falling towards her and she was too exhausted to move. Thankfully, Steve was nearby and feeling heroic that day (when was he not?). Being grabbed out of danger by Captain America was always fun, even if she did have a preference for being rescued by her own archer. Gods, she was becoming soft.

 

Steve didn't think about it as he wrapped himself around her as best he could to protect her from flying rubble. Thus, she didn't see the device crash to the ground. But she sure as hell heard it.

 

“Darcy, are you alright?” asked Steve in concern, prompting her to open eyes she hadn't realized she'd shut.

 

“I'll let you know when I know,” replied Darcy uneasily. Why was everything spinning and why did breathing feel difficult? One of her hands slipped to rest on her abdomen and sent a massive shock of pain through her body. The kind that made the world go black at the edges. She could hear a voice shouting at her from near by, recognized it as Clint's on some level, and noted the apparent panic in his tone. That couldn't be good. 

 

Steve was setting her down carefully now and everyone was gathering closer to her, but not too close. Being laid on the ground allowed Darcy a chance to look down her body. And realize there was a massive chunk of crystal sticking out of her side, now only visible because she was laying down. There was a lot of blood too. Huh, well that might explain the panic on Clint's face. And in his voice.

 

Her eyes rose from her body to find him staring at her with some cross between fear and despair. She just gave him a weak smile. “Well, this isn't how I was expecting today to go.” Her breath was shaky as she drew another one in. Damn that hurt. It wasn't hard to figure out the crystal shard had probably fragmented when it hit her body either. “Damn Frankenstein.” Another painful breath. “We so should have burned her place to the ground.”

 

“Frankenstein?” asked Natasha with a cocked eyebrow. 

 

The look Clint shot Natasha could have frozen over hell. His eyes quickly darted back to Darcy though as he dropped beside her. One of his hands grabbed hers tightly, eyes wild with fear. “Darce, you need to not talk. Please, don't talk. Just...just hang on, alright? We'll get you taken care of. Medical will be here quickly, just hang in there.” His other hand shook as it slid to her side, seemingly unable to decide if it should apply pressure or not. Not like it mattered. Darcy was pretty sure she'd lost too much blood already to last

 

Darcy gave him the best smile she could and tugged gently so he was closer to her. It made her side flare with pain, but the action was worth it to have his body closer to hers.  _Damn, I don't remember death hurting this much._

 

“It'll be alright.” Wow, breathing was becoming really hard. “Gimmie a week. Month tops. I'll be on my feet again by then.” Another smile spread across her lips, offering him comfort even as she closed her eyes and let out her last breath.

 

\----------------------

 

Clint groaned as he awoke with a pounding head, dry mouth, and blurry vision. The same way he'd woken up pretty much every day for the last three weeks, courtesy of the numerous beers from the previous night. Well, unless they had been out on a mission. Not that S.H.I.E.L.D seemed particularly inclined to send him out right now. Even he knew he'd been a wreck since the spider-bots went rampaging through the city and killed Darcy in the process. His drinking had definitely increased exponentially.

 

Beside him on the night stand, he noted the glass of water and pain killers that hadn't been there the night before, or any other morning for that matter. Vaguely, he recalled someone coming into his room the previous night and muttering softly at him while helping him into bed. The only clear memory he had was the feel of smooth leather against his cheek and soft lips brushing across his forehead, a female voice commanding him to sleep.  _Must have been Natasha or Jane. Probably Natasha._ The Russian assassin might be dangerous, but she did occasionally show him some compassion. Recently more so than ever before. Without a second though, he downed the water and pain killers.

 

Rolling out of bed, he managed to stumble to the bathroom without falling over. As he was washing his hands a moment later, he caught sight of his reflection and actually grimaced. At this point he had a full-blown beard going on like he hadn't had since special ops survival training and his eyes were blood-shot from lack of sleep or too much alcohol. Possibly both. There were bags under his eyes too. Every inch of his face looked beyond exhausted.

 

Bruises were blooming across his arms and chest where Natasha had caught him during sparring yesterday. He honestly should have been able to block more of her punches, given how much he'd been training recently. Training during the day and getting drunk at night. It wasn't really a good way to handle grief and he knew it, but somehow he couldn't bring himself to attend the S.H.I.E.L.D mandated grief-counseling that he'd been signed up for. Coulson had stopped trying to talk him into going about a week and a half ago, most likely courtesy of Natasha. He was pretty sure she'd talked Coulson into canceling the appointments until further notice.

 

“Damn it Barton, snap out of it,” he muttered to himself. Like he had every morning for that past week. It didn't do anything to lift the pain in his chest though. Or alleviate the vice-like feeling around his ribs. A heavy sigh escaped his mouth as one of his hands slide down his face and scraped against his facial hair. “Least I can do is shave.” 

 

The shave helped a little, if only to make him feel less like a zombie when he finally exited his room and made his way towards the kitchen. He knew he'd most likely be the only person up at this hour. The mood over the whole team had been pretty somber in the last three weeks and most people weren't feeling particularly social at this point. Which really just meant the kitchen wasn't inhabited by stragglers much like it had once been. Nor was the living room, but that was largely because Darcy had been the one to mostly hang around that space.

 

A lump started to form in his throat at the thought of his deceased brunette girlfriend and it was almost enough to send him fleeing back to his room or the range. The only thing that kept him moving towards the kitchen was the need for coffee. And something with some degree of caloric value in his stomach not related to alcohol.

 

When Clint reached the hall that emptied into the kitchen, he paused for a moment. There was a light on in the room and he could hear someone moving around inside. Most mornings he was gone before anyone was even awake and he usually avoided spending time with anyone save Natasha, but that was mostly because she'd kick his ass for avoiding her if he wasn't careful. Again, he almost turned away, but the need for both caffeine and food over-rode his instinct to avoid people.

 

Stepping into the kitchen, he expected to see Tony or maybe Natasha wondering around. Possibly Steve if he'd had a bad night. So when his eyes fell on a short woman with wavy brownish black hair hanging halfway down her back who appeared to be humming a classic rock song and dancing a little as she fiddled with what was probably a cup of coffee, Clint couldn't suppress the choked sound of surprise. He'd know those hips and body anywhere, even from behind.

 

Said woman glanced at him over her shoulder, half turning and half bending backwards to see him completely. “Hey Clint.” Darcy's blue eyes stared back at him from behind her usual black-rimmed glasses. She offered him a grin as she straightened again and pulled a second cup from the cupboard. “Coffee?”

 

Darcy couldn't help the surprised cry that left her throat as Clint jumped the island which separated them and pinned her against his body, one hand diving into her hair as he crushed their lips together. Of course, she wasn't about to pass up the opportunity to kiss him after not having seen him for nearly three weeks. Which is why when everyone else, plus Coulson minus Pepper, came crashing into the kitchen in search of the source of the shout, they were greeted by the sight of Clint practically pinning Darcy to the counter and holding onto her like he wasn't going to let her go ever again. Which he was seriously considering a viable plan

 

“Darcy?!” The near-unanimous cry drew both Darcy and Clint's attention to the crowd who had formed in the doorway.

 

Darcy waved in response and managed to maneuver herself so she could see everyone clearly. “Hey guys, whats up?”

 

“What- but- how?” sputtered Steve, eyes wide as saucers. 

 

Tony shook his head as if he was trying to clear away an illusion. “You're dead. We buried you. Well, technically the graveyard people buried you, but we were there. And you were dead.”

 

Jane just forced her way into the kitchen and pulled Darcy into a bone-breaking hug, which resulted in the other woman patting the older scientist on the head as she cried. “Darcy, you are  _never_ allowed to do that again.”

 

Darcy shot Jane a confused look. “Uh, do what?”

 

“Die!” exclaimed Jane, pulling back just enough to look at her former intern. The scientist's brow furrowed as she took in the other girl. “Did you dye your hair?”

 

“Nope,” replied Darcy. “It's the same color it was before.”

 

Jane's brow furrowed further. “Then what's different?”  
  


“Smaller boobs,” explained Darcy, pointing to her chest. “By at least half a cup size. I now rock a slightly smaller rack than I did before. Better for beating the crap outta people.”

 

Her explanation drew Clint's attention to her body. His brow furrowed as he actually took in her appearance, finally seeming to register something besides her presence. “Darce, what are you wearing?”

 

Darcy cocked an eyebrow at him and looked down at the clothing currently wrapped around her body. She was clad in a pair of leather pants and a shirt that laced in the front. Leather armor hugged her torso over the top of the shirt, covering her upper body but leaving her arms bare. “Oh, right. I completely forgot to change. Sorry about that.” With a snap of her fingers, the leather was gone, replaced by jeans and a soft looking sweater. “Better?”  
  


Jane had jumped back when Darcy's clothing changed, eyes going as wide as everyone else's save Thor's. Well, and Coulson's, but Darcy was pretty sure he already knew that spell. Seriously, the man could change clothes in under a second.

 

“I will assume my brother finally released you from your home?” questioned Thor with a cocked eyebrow, drawing Darcy's attention. He had been the only individual not saddened by Darcy's death, instead insisting she'd be back when she was ready to return.

 

Darcy sighed and nodded, a hand running through her hair. “Yeah. Who would have guessed he'd be so...fatherly.”

 

Thor nodded knowingly. “Though he may not seem so, Loki is incredibly protective of those he values.”

 

“Tell me about it,” muttered Darcy darkly. “He almost didn't let me go last night. Took Mom reminding him that I've done this before for him to leave it be. Well, and a solid ass-kicking from Aunt Rohan.”

 

Clint's mind was finally coming back online a little more as his shock faded with the realization that this whole thing wasn't a demented dream. One of his hands reached out to tug her back into his arms. “You're back to stay though, right?”

 

“Yeah,” assured Darcy gently, one of her hands reaching up to slide through his hair. “I would have been back two weeks ago if Loki hadn't decided to take up acting like a father.”

 

Thor chuckled heartily, nodding. “I had wondered what was taking you so long. Well then, I shall simply welcome you back Rowena.”

 

Clint pulled away a little, brow furrowing. “Rowena?”

 

Darcy nodded with a soft sigh, sliding her hands down to rest on his shoulders. “Clint, I died. Er, well, my physical body died.”

 

“Wait, then how are you standing in my kitchen?” asked Tony, eyes narrowing at her suspiciously. “Are you a ghost?”

 

Clint rolled his eyes and shot Tony a glare. “I can touch her Tony, she's not a ghost.”

 

“No, I'm an immortal again,” explained Darcy.

 

Steve scratched his head a little in confusion. “A what?”

 

“Immortal,” repeated Coulson. “She referred to herself as an immortal. Is it safe to assume that you can't died again, if this is the case?”  


“More or less,” confirmed Darcy. “It's a bit more complicated than that though. Basically, I'm more like Loki or Thor now without the whole 'being a god' bit.”

 

Clint looked a little dazed, but nodded none the less. “So, your magic...”

 

“Completely back,” finished Darcy with a grin. “Which is awesome I might add. Check this out.”

 

She snapped her fingers again and suddenly the group was standing in the middle of a foreign living room. It was mostly decorated with modern furniture in varying shades of green. Some abstract art hung on the walls, depicting sketchy or distorted images of trees and stone structures interspersed with photographs of ancient ruins from Western Europe. A few pieces of metal bent into the shape of Celtic and Norse knots hung on the walls with the photographs and paintings.

 

“What the fuck!” exclaimed Clint as he spun around the room.

 

Natasha looked just as freaked out, her eyes darting around like something was about to jump her as a knife appeared in her hand. Beside her, Coulson had drawn his service weapon and was keeping it low as his eyes scanned the room. Thor and Steve were standing back to back, eyes darting around wildly as they tried to figure out where they were. Tony was the only one not completely freaked out. Instead, he just stood there blinking rapidly as if he couldn't quite believe his eyes.

 

“Huh, cool trick,” commented Tony mildly just as a guy in only a pair of boxers came stumbling into the room, rubbing his eyes.

 

“Damn it Ro, can't you give me some warning before you start teleporting people randomly into my apartment?” whined the guy just as everyone currently holding a weapon leveled said weapons on him. To his credit, he didn't flinch. “And put those things away. Gods know, they won't work on me anyway.”

 

Darcy turned to look at everyone else and noted the weapons they'd pulled. “What the fuck guys, put your weapons away. It's only Derek.”

 

Coulson cocked an eyebrow but re-holstered his gun none the less, one hand coming out to rest on Natasha's. The Russian assassin slid her weapon away as well in turn as the rest of the group relaxed. Well, as relaxed as a group of freaked out people who've just been teleported into an unfamiliar living room could be.

 

“'Ro'?” asked Natasha with a cocked eyebrow as her knife disappeared again.

 

Darcy shrugged. “Short for 'Rowena'. We usually try to call each other by whatever our proper name is for the body we're in. Makes it a little easier to keep track of who we are at the moment.”

 

“Uh, wanna try that one again?” requested Clint uneasily.

 

Derek snorted and explained. “We've lived multiple human lives, but our immortal bodies are always safely tucked away in a barrow at home while we're down here in unfamiliar bodies. But being born as mortals means we're given new names that aren't Rowena and Lopt, so we try to use the name that goes with the body we're currently in to reduce the confusion for others and for ourselves.”

 

“Right...” muttered Clint. He still looked confused, but it was more the look he got when he'd given up trying to understand something and decided to just go with it than the 'you need to explain that again' look. “So, why are we in your brother's living room?”

 

“I needed to let him know I got back,” replied Darcy with a shrug.

 

“Uh, we have phones in the Tower you know,” pointed out Tony with a cocked eyebrow.

 

Darcy rolled her eyes. “Yeah, I know. But your security system won't let a dead person dial out.”

 

“And you didn't check in with him before now because...?” questioned Coulson with his usual bland expression.

 

“He had company,” supplied Darcy. “I ported in last night but there were sounds coming from his bedroom that I never wanted to hear from my brother. Ever.”

 

Derek snorted. “Serves you right for popping in unannounced. Think of it as pay-back for that little telepathic exchange the first time you fucked your archer.”

 

Clint felt himself actually blushing, something he'd thought had been beaten out of him in the army. Natasha shot him a smirk that said he wasn't going to live it down. “What exchange?”

 

Darcy rolled her eyes, leveling a glare at her brother who was glaring right back at her. “I might have sent a few images to Derek  _by accident_ the first time we fucked.”

 

“Oh god,” muttered Clint, one hand coming up to cover his eyes. “Do I want to know what images?”

 

“No,” supplied both Derek and Darcy simultaneously.

 

Clint groaned again as Tony and Natasha exchanged a look that said he was definitely never living this down. Even Coulson had a touch of a smile on his face. Great, amused Coulson was as dangerous as Natasha or Tony in terms of how badly he could embarrass you.

 

Darcy plowed forward as if none of that had happened. “So, breakfast? Or has last night's fling not left yet?”

 

Derek shook his head. “He left last night. One night stand. Let me grab a shirt. Where were you thinking?”

 

“That diner place down the street with the amazing pancakes,” replied Darcy as she moved to lean against the wall beside the open door to her brother's bedroom.

 

“The one with the hot waiter?” questioned Derek, voice perking up a little.

 

The grin that broke across Darcy's face was completely filthy. “That's the one.”

 

“I'm in,” confirmed Derek as he stepped back into the room, this time with a shirt on but still sans pants.

 

Darcy giggled a little. “I don't think you'll get any tail if you walk in only half dressed.”

 

Derek glanced down and shrugged before ducking back into his room. “Plus it looks bad when a district attorney gets arrested for public indecency.”

 

“That too,” agreed Darcy. “Oh, who won the election for Attorney General? Sorry for missing that, by the way.”

 

“It's fine, not your fault,” assured Derek. “And Murdock won. But he named me his second-in-command so to speak, so I can't complain too much.”

 

Darcy rolled her eyes. “I think we all saw that one coming. The man's blind and even he can see how you rock the courthouse.”

 

“Uh, Darcy?” cut in Jane uneasily. Darcy's eyes shifted to where Jane was standing beside Thor. “Um, we can't really go out like we are. None of us are, well, dressed.”

It was true. Natasha was in what looked like a guy's shirt and nothing else, Jane's nightgown was flimsy at best, and all of the guys save Tony and Clint were lacking in the shirt department. Which wasn't bad per say, but not something that they wouldn't potentially get in trouble for either. A quick head check confirmed for Darcy that Bruce was missing from the group too. Huh. She'd have to go back and get him apparently. Well, assuming he was Bruce and not the Hulk. Pepper too, if the woman was home.

 

“Right,” muttered Darcy, mind still distracted by who was and wasn't present. “Sorry about that.” Without a second though, she snapped her fingers again. As suddenly as the group had found themselves in her brother's apartment, they found themselves in their normal, everyday attire.

 

“That's awesome,” commented Tony with a grin. “I need to build something that can do that.”

 

Steve looked a little freaked out. “That isn't right.”

 

Everyone else was nodding with Steve except Thor, who looked completely non-pulsed.

 

“It is not so strange of an occurrence,” pointed out Thor mildly. “I often observed Loki using such a spell to transform his own cloths or those of individuals who had irritated him.”

 

“We're humans Thor, most people can't snap their fingers and change you clothing for you,” pointed out Clint, who was perhaps the least upset looking of the group. “Though Darce? A little warning next time.”

 

Darcy smiled sheepishly, one hand coming up to rub the back of her neck. “Yeah, sorry. I forgot none of you would be familiar with that spell.”

 

Steve shook his head slowly, looking confused. “You were human up until three weeks ago, how do you forget something like that?”

 

“'Cause we never forget our magic,” supplied Derek as he emerged from his bedroom completely dressed. “It's a part of our very souls, so we can't forget about it. Plus, when we revert back, it takes about a week for us to wake up because all our memories are compiling into a single cohesive time line. Even after that though, we still have holes. It takes a while for our brains to catch up with everything that has happened.”

 

Darcy nodded. “Hence my saying to give me at least a week to come back. I was counting on spending the first week asleep and possibly another week getting my head on straight. Figuratively of course.”

 

“Wait, you were telling us how long it would take you to come back?” asked Clint, eyes widening a little.

 

“Uh, yeah,” replied Darcy, brow furrowing. “You didn't get that bit?”

 

“I thought you meant that's how long it would take for you to get better!” exclaimed Clint unhappily.

 

“Oh,” muttered Darcy. “No, I knew I was dead. I'd lost too much blood to live at that point. On a side note, I don't remember dieing hurting that much.”

 

Derek snorted. “I'm pretty sure you've never died from impalement either.”

 

“Point,” agreed Darcy. “But no, I was giving you a time frame for when I'd come back.”

 

Clint nodded slowly. “And everything suddenly makes more sense.”

 

“Mhm,” hummed Darcy as she wrapped her arm around his elbow. “Now, breakfast?”  


\-----------------------

 

“So, you can't die any more, right?” asked Tony, a fork full of pancake pointing at Darcy.

 

Darcy nodded, her mouth filled with her own pancakes which prevented her from talking.

 

“And you have all your magic back,” stated Coulson, who was neatly working on a plate of eggs.

 

Again, Darcy nodded and swallowed her food. “Right. This is my actual body, the one I was born into 1200 years ago. I'm pretty sure I can't die in this one. At least, not from anything we're going to see here on Earth.”

 

“Good,” said Natasha with a smirk. “That means Clint can stop his binge drinking and get back to work.”

 

Clint had the good sense to look more than a little abashed, his eyes averted from the group. Beside him, one of Darcy's hands came up to rest on his shoulder. He looked over at her, smiling faintly and covering her hand with his own.

 

“Yeah, he can,” assured Darcy. 

 

Clint allowed a small smirk to quirk the edge of his lips. “'Tasha just doesn't want to help me to bed again.”

 

One of Natasha's eyebrows rose in concern. “I never helped move your lazy drunken ass anywhere.”

 

“Uh, what?” asked Clint, head snapping in her direction as his brows furrowed in confusion. “Wait, if that wasn't you last night, then who was it?”

 

“Me,” replied Darcy as she cut another piece of pancake. “I ported into your room last night to apologize for things taking so long and found you half-passed out in a chair. So, I moved you to your bed and left to check in with Derek.”

 

Clint groaned and rubbed his eyes a little. “That makes a lot more sense in retrospect.”

 

“Plus, Natasha was busy last night,” added Darcy before taking her bite. She didn't elaborate, but the way that both Coulson and Natasha were looking at her with a 'how did you know that' look gave them away. Apparently, they didn't care much though. Darcy just smiled and swallowed her food. “Mom and Aunt Rohan have a spiritual sight that lets them recognize the individual markers that can be used to identify a soul. Derek and I do too.”  


“And it's not blocked by walls,” added Derek before he took another sip of coffee.

 

“Good to know,” muttered Bruce, who Darcy had ported back to the Tower to retrieve. “Can we get a full list of stuff you two can do? Just in case something, you know, strange happens?”

 

“Like someone deciding to play with necromagic courtesy of Shelly Frankenstein?” replied Darcy with a smirk. “I think we can arrange something. Derek can't do much right now though, fair warning. His magic is gonna be limited until he dies again.” Derek nodded in confirmation, a tad wistfully. “As for me, that's a long ass list. Too long to really make up on the spot. I can try to get you something when we get back though.”

 

Coulson nodded in approval. “That would be acceptable. We also need an explanation of who this 'Frankenstein' person you've mentioned multiple times is too.”

 

“She's dead,” assured Darcy before taking a bite.

 

Derek spoke up in her place. “Shelly Frankenstein was a necromancer who lived about three centuries ago and her work is the basis for the book 'Frankenstein'. We thought her research had been destroyed, but apparently someone found a copy.”

 

“Well look into destroying it tomorrow,” added Darcy. “That information is too dangerous for human hands.”

 

“So does this mean you're going to work for S.H.I.E.L.D again?” asked Tony curiously just as Steve stood with a muttered 'I'll be right back' and headed for the restrooms. “We might be able to add you to the roster for the Avengers.”

 

Thor nodded happily in agreement. “Indeed. You felled a great spider just prior to your death. Such actions are more than suitable proof of your skills as a warrior.”

 

A voice cut in from behind them before anyone could respond to Thor's comment. “Maybe if she hadn't gotten stabbed escaping it would have been a great example of prowess, but the whole getting herself killed part kind of eliminates any validity to the kill.”

 

Every head at the table swiveled to face the owner of the new voice, which had caused both Darcy and Derek to practically spring to their feet in excitement. Both spoke simultaneously as they stood. “Aunt Rohan! What are you doing here?”

 

“Seriously?” asked Tony in disbelief, his upper body turned to face the new woman. “She's your aunt?” 

 

The woman they were all looking at definitely didn't look like she could be the twins aunt. She didn't look old enough to be  _anyone's_ aunt. Brown, wavy hair framed the young face that couldn't have been older than 15. Brown eyes examined everyone at the table, never requiring the girl's head to move. Her body was thin and she couldn't have been taller than 5'3”. Her clothes were equally young looking, with a hole in one knee of her jeans and a tank top with a jacket thrown over top covering her upper body. There was no way this was the twin's aunt. And yet, both twins moved to embrace the shorter woman.

 

“What are you doing here Aunt Rohan?” repeated the twins, their voices melding to practically one as they spoke.

 

Rohan smiled and motioned for them to sit again. “I'm just passing through. Kith'ka sent me out here to check on someone who's worrying us a little on the magic spectrum, so I figured I'd drop in and check to make sure Rowena actually made it back while I was at it and that Derek was still alive.”

 

“Explains the clothes,” nodded Derek as he bit into his food as Rohan dropped into Steve's empty chair.

 

Thor was eying Rohan speculatively. “You do not appear as you once did, Warrior Rohan. Why have you changed so?”

 

Rohan cocked her eyebrow and motioned for a cup of coffee, which the waiter brought her promptly. “To blend in. It would be kinda conspicuous to walk around in a cloak with armor and a weapon at my side. Or yellow eyes. People tend to get a little freaked out about those.”

 

“But why the high school look?” asked Derek around a bite of food. “You definitely don't normally look this young.”

 

Rohan shrugged easily. “It's easier to sneak around. And don't look so surprised, you both know I can change my appearance any number of ways. It's part of the shape shifter thing.”

 

“So, this isn't what you look like?” confirmed Tony with a raised eyebrow.

 

“Bingo genius,” replied Rohan with a sideways glance at him. “Who are you anyway?”

 

Tony choked. He actually choked. Along with most of the table, save Darcy and Derek who didn't look the least bit surprised by her question. And Coulson who looked like he might want to hug their aunt, or at least shake her hand. Possibly both.

 

“That's Tony Stark,” introduced Darcy.

 

Derek picked up for his sister. “He's a genius billionaire playboy philanthropist.”

 

Rohan nodded slowly. “Any relation to Howard Stark?”

 

“His son,” confirmed the twins.

 

The icy blue eyes slide over Tony slowly, apparently attempting to reconcile some piece of information or another. When she did speak, it was slowly. “I think I see it. Howard was such a brillant man though, it's hard to imagine this Tony being related to him. Then again, he didn't make any off-color jokes at me which could be badly misinterpreted, so that could be a part of it too.”

 

“Did his father?” asked Darcy curiously.

 

Rohan snorted. “What do you think?”

 

Derek let a smirk slide over his face. “I think you got hit on by one Howard Stark and probably punched him.”

 

The smirk the slid over Rohan's face said there was more to the matter than that. “I was a little occupied at the time to punch him, but suffice to say the man could be a chauvinistic pig when he wanted to be.”

 

“Hey!” exclaimed Tony unhappily. “That's my father your talking about!”

 

“Yeah,” confirmed Rohan. “And all that stopped when he met your mother. Or was redirected at her. Most likely it was the second.” A strange furrow suddenly drew across Rohan's face and for a moment she closed her eyes in concentration. Then opened them suddenly and slanted her eyes to the corner of the room where the restrooms were before looking back at Darcy. “Rowena, this is going to sound odd, but do you know if there is a man here by the name of Steve Rogers?”

 

Derek and Darcy both blinked at their aunt for a moment before nodding. Darcy pointed back towards the restrooms. “Yeah, he went to the bathroom just before you arrived. Why?”

 

“Shit,” muttered Rohan as she stood suddenly. “I have to get out of here. It's good to know you got back safe Rowena, I'll stop in to see you later.”

 

Darcy blinked hard, then narrowed her eyes at her aunt suspiciously. “Aunt Rohan, what's wrong.”

 

Rohan looked a little sheepish, eyes glued to the back of the restaurant. “You aren't the only one to have meddled in human affairs, Rowena. Or fooled around with mortals.”

 

“This has to do with whatever you were doing during World War II doesn't it,” accused Derek.

 

“Slightly,” replied Rohan, who stiffened suddenly. “I'll see you two later.” Then she was gone. Literally, she more or less just vanished in front of everyone. 

 

While everyone else was gaping at the now empty air and Derek looked like he was trying to puzzle through a riddle, Darcy spun in her seat to look back at the bathrooms. Steve was blinking a little shakily he stared at the spot where Rohan had been just a minute ago. “Yo, Steve!”

 

He snapped out of his dazed state upon hearing his name and made his way back to the table. When he reached them, Steve was very white. As if he'd seen a ghost. Which Darcy was starting to think is exactly what he thought he saw. “Uh, did anyone else see a dark-haired woman standing here just a moment ago?”

 

“Yeah, our Aunt Rohan,” replied Derek, picking up on the same tension his sister had. “She popped in to make sure Rowena got safely back here and she didn't need to kick Dad's ass again. Why?”

 

Steve shook his head slowly, as if he were trying to dispel cobwebs from his mind. “Er, well. Um, this is going to sound silly, but I could have sworn I saw Peggy standing right here just seconds ago. Then, she was just gone.”

 

Darcy groaned and let her head drop against the table. Derek did the same thing simultaneously with his sister. It would have probably been amusing if they didn't look so deeply disturbed.

 

“Of course, Aunt Rohan would have had to break the heart of Captain America,” grumbled Darcy.

 

Derek sighed and lifted his head a little. “We could be wrong you know. We've never really known what Aunt Rohan was doing during World War II. She could have been patrolling the Black Forest for all we know. Maybe it's just coincidence and she happens to look like this Peggy person?”

 

Steve shook his head slowly, still a bit dazed as he pulled a watch from his pocket and flipped it open before sliding it before the twins. “That's Peggy, if it helps.”

 

Again, the twins dropped their heads to the table and groaned.

 

“That's Aunt Rohan,” confirmed Derek with a sigh.

 

“Only Aunt Rohan could break the heart of a man who looks like a kicked puppy when hurt,” groaned Darcy. “I swear she doesn't have a heart.”

 

Steve looked decidedly uneasy as he started speaking again. “Actually, I was kinda the one who broke our date.” The admission brought the eyes of everyone at the table to Steve. “I crashed a plane into the Arctic Ocean. I was supposed to go dancing with Peggy that night. It, well, it didn't happen.”

 

Darcy screwed up her lips a little. “Well, that explains Aunt Rohan's sour mood recently.”

 

“And by recently we mean for the past few decades,” elaborated Derek. “She came back to the barrow lands after the war ended and wouldn't talk about what went down.”

 

“She's a warrior at heart, a soldier by blood, so we knew she fought,” added Darcy unhappily. “We just never knew how or for which side. Especially because women weren't allowed in the military and to our knowledge Aunt Rohan never pretended to be a boy.”

 

Derek shrugged, apparently deciding to drop the subject. “Well, that explains that. So what's everyone's day looking like?”

 

Steve's mouth was hanging open and moved more than a little helplessly as he tried to formulate some response to Derek's rapid topic change. Everyone else looked like they were suffering from whiplash as well, save Darcy who just shrugged. Even Coulson appeared a little dazed.

 

“Figured I'd catch up with Clint if I could get him to take the day off,” replied Darcy easily, one of her hands reaching under the table to grab Clint's.

 

The contact brought Clint back and he squeezed her hand gently in return, a soft smile sliding over his features. “I can do a day. What are you thinking? Walk in the park? Dinner and a movie?”

 

“Something a little more physical which we can't do in any public place without getting arrested,” suggested Darcy with a rather dirty grin. “I know it's only been three weeks, but I missed you a hell of a lot.” Derek made a mild gagging sound in his throat, which he turned into a cough when Darcy turned a glare on him. 

 

The antics drew a small laugh from Bruce, who seemed to be recovering better from the entire crazy morning than everyone else was. “Things will never be boring with you two around, will they?”  
  


“Nope,” confirmed the twins as Derek waved the waitress down to ask for the check which Tony snatched before it even reached Derek. 

 

Darcy smiled and shrugged cheerfully. “But look at it this way, you will never go a day without some form of crazy entertainment either.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, yeah, the bit about Rohan being Peggy was completely unplanned. Until I realized I wrote it. Then it seemed like a good source of potential fun. Especially at the expense of Rohan, who I love as a character but am willing to admit I wrote to be a bit of a bitch no matter how much ass she kicks. Also, unless I get a lot of screams of 'NOOOOOOOO', I do want to do one more bit with that, just as a note on the end of a chapter for the hell of it. Don't know when the last two are going to be done, don't ask. Just know they are coming.


	5. Nazi Zombies, Knives, and Steve Gets a Second Chance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No, Darcy is not playing Call of Duty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't ask where this came from. Seriously. Don't ask.
> 
> So, I don't think this one is as funny as the previous ones, but...yeah, life hasn't lent itself to humor recently for me. Anyway, hopefully this doesn't suck badly either. Its shorter than the other one too because I really wasn't sure where I was going with this. It didn't have a solid direction. Also, there will be at least one more chapter which will be the memory of how Darcy met the Clint's former self. I've had a few requests for that, so it seems prudent to actually do it.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy everyone.

“Rowena, I need your help.”

Darcy was completely unsurprised when her Aunt's voice cut through the room, waking her with the same power as a clap of lightning. Not that she really needed to sleep. Really, it was for the cuddles. A glance at the clock told her it was 1 am. “With what?”

Beside her, Clint shot up in bed and grabbed the knife he kept under his pillow. It left his fingers a moment later heading towards Rohan, who promptly snatched from the air and turned the blade over in her hands curiously. Then proceeded to toss it in the air a few times before throwing it off to the side and watching it embed itself in the wall. “The weight is off on your blade. It's front heavy.”

Clint blinked hard, confusion sliding over his features. “Uh...”

“Don't throw knives at Aunt Rohan,” advised Darcy as she propped herself up on her elbows and turned to look at their visitor over her shoulder. “She's a master with them. What's up Aunt Rohan?”

“I require your assistance,” repeated Rohan as she strode forward, straddling a chair near the end of their bed in a way that Darcy was pretty sure immortals as old as her aunt weren't supposed to. Then again, it was Aunt Rohan they were talking about. The woman had become quick friends with Loki and trained with Thor in combat. She wasn't exactly the poster child for normal.

Grabbing her glasses, Darcy sat all the way up despite the fact that she was naked and turned to fully face her aunt. Which was about the time she realized her aunt looked like, well, her aunt rather than the high school student the woman had been masquerading as the last time Darcy saw her. “You dropped the disguise.”

Rohan nodded, the heavy waves in her long hair making it bounce against her shoulders. “It stopped being useful.” Instead of looking like a 15 year old student, her aunt now looked more like the image of Peggy that Steve carried around with him. With darker hair, yellow eyes, and a deadly air added to the mix. And no make-up.

Beside Darcy, Clint managed to blink enough of the sleep out of his eyes that he could take in their visitor. One of his eyebrows rose in surprise. “Is it safe to assume this is what you actually look like?”

“More or less,” confirmed Rohan mildly. “Rowena, I'd rather not repeat myself again.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” muttered Darcy with a stretch that drew Clint's eyes to her chest, even though he tried to look away just as quickly. Rohan just raised an eyebrow, waiting for Darcy to continue. “What do you need help with?”

Rohan leaned against the back of the chair, her arms folding over the top. “There's a necromancer your mother wants me to take care of, but I'd rather not go in without some form of back-up.”

“Its a necromancer,” pointed out Darcy mildly. “They raise dead things. Dead things like you.”

“Death likes me,” corrected Rohan with a dismissive wave. “Dead people aren't always as happy to see me. Plus, these are the dead reanimated and controlled by a necromancer. Being friends with Death won't help except to get me requested to deal with these situations.”

Darcy considered her aunts words for a moment, eyes narrowed suspiciously. “You don't need help dealing with a necromancer. I've seen you do it before without any assistance.”

“Correct,” confirmed Rohan unhappily. “But this is a particularly nasty necromancer who's been around over a hundred years and I'd simply prefer to have some back-up in case things go sideways.”

“How do you even know words like that?” asked Darcy with a shake of her head. “You're too old to know that kind of language. Steve doesn't know that language.”

“Steve has also been asleep for the past 70 years, not running around killing people at his mother's command,” pointed out Rohan, eyes diverting towards the window in their room.

Interesting, thought Darcy with a touch of a devious smile. “Alright, I'll come run back-up IF you talk to Steve.”

The groan that came from Rohan definitely shouldn't have come from the throat of a fearsome warrior. “You too? Derek said the same thing.” She sighed heavily. “Why do you two want me to talk to Steve?”

Darcy's eyebrows shot up to her hairline, even as she stared at her aunt over the rims of her lenses. “Well, I want you to talk to him because he's been in a weird funk since the diner three weeks ago and I'm sick of it. Plus, you know you want to.”

“Do not,” denied Rohan with a snort as she stood from the chair. “Look Rowena, will you assist me or not?”

“Will you talk to Steve?” pushed Darcy, folding her arms in front of her chest.

Rohan sighed and pushed her hair back with one hand but nodded. “Fine, I'll speak with him upon our return. Now, can we go please?”

“Yep,” assured Darcy as she slid out of bed and snapped her fingers to dress. She leaned back to kiss Clint on the lips with a smile. “I'm going out to hunt necromancers, want me to bring you back a limb?”

Clint looked a bit disturbed still, but managed to come back with, “A hand would be great.”

Darcy nodded and snapped her fingers, the leather armor from her arrival appearing on her body again. “You swear you'll talk to Steve, Aunt Rohan?”

“Yes,” repeated Rohan with a roll of her eyes. “You can even have him waiting here for our return. Now, can we please go? I'd like to get this dealt with before he manages to raise the graveyard he's currently housing himself in.”

“Ready when you are,” replied Darcy as she grabbed the knife from the wall. She tossed it once in the air, then paused and tossed it again before turning back to Clint. “She's right, these knives are weighted wrong. Might wanna fix that, otherwise your aim is going to be off. Oh, and have Steve waiting.”

“I'll try,” muttered Clint as Rohan reached for Darcy's shoulder. “Er, when are you guys gonna be back?”

“I'll have her back by this afternoon,” replied Rohan before teleporting them out of the room.

\----------------------- 

Most of the household was gathered in the kitchen when Darcy popped back in around 10 am, clad in full armor and a hooded cloak.

Steve and Tony, who'd been in a heated debate involving Tony's most recent experiment which had exploded and managed to coat the entire lab level in something resembling gum, nearly jumped out of their skins when Darcy suddenly appeared. Well, Steve jumped. Tony just kinda blinked like he suspected he was hallucinating. Which, depending on how much sleep he'd had recently, might be the case.

Clint, who had been sitting at the counter with Natasha and Coulson observing the argument, was on his feet in a moment out of habit and brought one of his knives up in case of trouble. The action resulted in his coffee landing in Coulson's lap, to the man's chagrin. Natasha's own knife was in her hands and poised for launch, but a quick hand courtesy of Coulson stopped her from following through on the action.

“Miss Lewis,” greeted Coulson dryly, eying Darcy as she practically stumbled to the coffee machine, “good trip?”

“Nazi zombies suck,” muttered Darcy as she poured herself a cup of coffee.

Clint's brow furrowed as he slid behind her to wrap his arms around her waist, knife safely tucked away again. “I thought you and your aunt were fighting a necromancer, not playing Call of Duty.”

“We were,” confirmed Darcy as she closed her eyes and took a sip of coffee.

Steve blinked at her cluelessly, scratching his head a little in confusion. “I'm sorry, what?”

“How the hell did you end up fighting Nazi zombies?” asked Tony with a raised eyebrow. He didn't seem surprised so much as curious, a testament to the level of strange in their lives. The fact that Darcy facing Nazi zombies was even considered possible outside a video game emphasized the weird factor.

Another voice broke in, responding so Darcy didn't have to. “Said necromancer took up residency in a Nazi graveyard.” Everyone turned to find Rohan standing in the middle of the room, looking no worse for wear than she did that morning. “Which is exactly why I asked for back-up. Alright Rowena, I'm here as promised.”

“And Steve is right there next to Tony,” pointed out Darcy, who finally opened her eyes to look over at her aunt. 

Rohan looked a little twitchy, one of her hands moving about as if she wasn't sure what to do with it. By comparison, Steve looked gob-smacked, eyes wide as he took in Rohan. Yeah, they needed to talk. It was a way over-due conversation.

Darcy had seen the photos Steve had of Peggy; he'd been more than happy to talk about her and show off his photos of her when they'd returned from breakfast that morning. The eyes had been wrong, but that wasn't really a surprise given yellow wasn't a normal eye color. Between Steve's stories, her facial build and dark hair, and the personality described to them, neither Derek nor Darcy had any doubt that this woman was their aunt.

“Steven,” greeted Rohan at last, apparently opting to start the conversation rather than wait for Steve to take the first step. There was a touch of a British accent when she said Steve's name. “It's been a while. You look...good. Alive is a good look for you.”

Steve nodded like a bobble head, his mouth opening and closing once before he swallowed and managed to spill some words from his mouth. Jumbled as the sentence was. “Peggy, your swell. Er, you look swell. Um, really swell. And young. Alive. Uh...”

Rohan giggled a little, actually giggled, to Darcy's mild amusement and partial horror. “Alive is a bit relative of a term, but still semi-applicable. Your as young as ever it would seem. And still just as shy around women.”

“Just pretty dames,” assured Steve quickly, eyes going wide as he realized what he said and quickly adjusting. “I mean women. Beautiful women. Ladies. Beautiful ladies.”

His stuttering was apparently somehow enduring because Rohan stepped forward and gently tilted his red face so she could look him in the eyes. “Steve, relax. It's not the 1940's any more and I'm not going to be offended if you don't refer to me as a lady. Really, there are a lot of people who would debate that label with you anyway.”

Steve opened his mouth to speak again, but Darcy cut in before he could. “Alright, enough. Go be gooey, mushy, sappy lovebird types somewhere else. Seeing Rohan display this much compassion for someone who isn't family is starting to freak me out.”

Rohan rolled her eyes but nodded as she took in the looks everyone else was giving her. “Right, that might be best.” Taking Steve's hand, she quickly ported them out of the room and off to some unknown place. 

Darcy sighed in relief. “Thank the gods.”

“What, you didn't want to see their reunion?” asked Tony mockingly. “It looked so promising too.”

“I'll pass,” snorted Darcy as she gulped down the rest of her coffee and moved back to the coffee maker for a refill. “Oh, by the way, Clint.” The archer looked up at her and she tossed a severed hand onto the counter in front of him from behind her back where she'd tied it earlier. “Happy birthday.”

Clint jumped away from the counter at first, blinking at the severed appendage. “Darce, why the hell did you bring me a severed hand?”

“'Cause you asked for one,” replied Darcy as she refilled her coffee cup. On the counter, the hand twitched and suddenly started running around on the counter top, much to the horror of the rest of the room. 

Tony let out a shout, even as Clint, Natasha, and Coulson jumped away from the counter. All four individuals stared at the hand as it ran in circles on the tips of its fingers. Clint was vaguely reminded of the Adam's Family's butler hand, Thing.

“Darce, your hand is moving,” informed Clint as calmly as he could. Which was kinda hard to do when a severed hand from a Nazi zombie was running around the counter in the kitchen.

Darcy glanced over her shoulder, noting the hand's movement, and shrugged before slamming her fist down on top of the hand when it tried to run past her. The hand stopped moving at that point, dropping onto the counter top to twitch instead. “Yeah, it does that. Damn thing goosed me a few times on the way back. Just slam your fist on it once and it stops for a while.”

“Yeah, no, this is so not okay,” insisted Tony at last. “Get that thing out of here. I don't want a biohazard in my kitchen.”

The eye roll Darcy offered was massive, but she snapped her fingers and the hand disappeared none the less. Clint breathed a sigh of relief, before noting the slight curl of Darcy's lips behind the rim of her cup. His eyes narrowed at her, even as Tony started going off about cleaning the kitchen with fire.

“That wasn't a real hand, was it Darce,” accused Clint, his own smirk just barely under control.

Darcy's lips broke into a full-blown smirk, even as she asked in a calm but teasing voice: “What makes you think I'll ever tell you, Barton?”

Clint broke into laughter at that point, able to appreciate the joke now for what it was: a joke. “Nice one Darce.”

Darcy hummed in response, giving him a wide grin. “Glad you enjoyed it.”

Tony had managed to stop ranting about cleansing via fire by that point, instead starting up a rant about the children of chaotic gods and formulating a list of house rules. Natasha chose that moment to point out that rules weren't likely to actually stop anyone from pulling pranks, which sent Tony into another rant about building anti-prank devices. Darcy tuned him out at that point, turning towards the door and waving over her shoulder with a comment about getting some more sleep.

\--------------- 

Darcy stumbled out of the bedroom she shared with Clint around dusk, rubbing her eyes and muttering about middle-of-the-night missions and a lack of sleep. Not that she really needed it, but Darcy had discovered that she actually enjoyed sleeping when she got to do it. Especially when that sleep time included cuddles from Clint.

Her feet carried her blindly into the living room, the sight within making her pause. And almost break down into hysterical laughter. 

Rohan was standing in the middle of the room, clad in a nice mid-shin dress and make-up straight out of the 1940's, looking so uncomfortable it was almost pitiful. Darcy opted for a smirk instead of hyena-like laughter as she wondered over to lean against the wall by the hallway door. “You've got a date with Captain America, don't you.”

Rohan sighed and spun to face her niece, still looking incredibly uncomfortable. “His puppy dog eyes are pitiful. And irresistible. And really just down-right painful. I swear the man could defeat an army with those eyes.”

“Yeah, that's Steve,” confirmed Darcy with a laugh. “At least promise you'll try to have fun.” The look Rohan shot her said that wasn't likely. The smirk dropped away from Darcy's face, a furrow developing on her brow instead. “Aunt Rohan, do you really not want to go out with Steve?”

Rohan sighed again and shook her head. “It isn't that. I like Steve just fine and would have probably enjoyed going out with him before. Maybe even hung around after the war if he'd still been alive instead of faking my own death in an explosion. But...things are different now and I'm worried for him. Worried about him. He needs to let go of the past in order to move forward with his life, and this doesn't feel like him letting go.”

“Except you aren't just in the past,” pointed out Darcy. “That's like saying that Cadeyrn doesn't exist any more. Clint was still Cadeyrn at one point in time and they have the same spirit. Spiritually speaking, him and Cadyrn are the same person, even if they exist in different times. The same applies to you. You've always been Rohan, no matter what name you go by. You and Peggy are the same person, with one of you just existing now and the other having existed before. Besides, given you weren't actually born a mortal, you were always Rohan even when you were 'Peggy'.”

Rohan reached up to rub her forehead with a sigh. “Your logic is convoluted but accurate, as always.”

“Yep, I'm gifted like that,” stated Darcy with a grin. “Now, go have fun with the good Captain and try to bring him back in one piece.”

“Please, he wouldn't make a move like the one you're suggesting,” insisted Rohan, the British accent coming back full-force with her next words. “He's too much of a gentleman for that.”

Darcy shrugged. “Never said he had to be the one to make the move.” The glare that Rohan leveled at her had cowed many a human. Thankfully, Darcy was used to the look and just plowed on as if her aunt had never spoken. “Seriously Aunt Rohan, have fun tonight. You've been short with everyone since World War II and clearly part of that came from the way you lost Steve. You've been given another chance, enjoy it.”

Rohan still looked unhappy but nodded none the less. “I'll do my best.”

“You'll have fun,” insisted Darcy. “You've convinced yourself that you wouldn't have because you never got the chance before. But, this is that rain check he promised you. You're getting your chance, so take it.”

“I am,” assured Rohan, a faint smile tugging at the corner of her lips. “Plus, if I know Steve, whatever he has planned should be...interesting at the very least. He never was one to attempt to woo through flashy displays, a refreshing change from the norm, both before and now.”

“And he'd never assume you were weaker than him,” added Darcy with as smirk. She knew how much being underestimated irritated Rohan, even though she used it to her advantage frequently.

The smile grew a little more and softened into something more like longing. “That is true. Steve never has been inclined to assume anything about anyone.”

“No, he isn't,” agreed Darcy, eyes darting to the door into the hallway as Steve stepped into the living room with them. His cheeks were stained a little red, meaning he'd probably heard part of their conversation, but the way his mouth dropped open a little and his eyes took in Rohan with something akin to amazement told Darcy that he wouldn't cancel their date for anything.

“Peggy, you- you look swell,” greeted Steve a little breathlessly.

Rohan's cheeks reddened slightly. Darcy felt her eyebrow rise. She'd never seen Rohan look embarrassed once in all her immortal or mortal years. Even when guys were shouting really obscene comments at her, Rohan always looked composed. Yet, one comment from Steve and her cheeks were turning the color of the horizon at dusk.

“Thank you Steven, you look very nice yourself,” returned Rohan as Steve took her hand to kiss it, then offered her his arm. “So, can I know where we're going tonight?”

Steve gave her a clever smile and shook his head. “It's a surprise.”

Darcy felt her mouth drop open a little as Rohan sighed but nodded in agreement and proceeded to follow Steve out the door. Her aunt, the control freak who hated surprises and never went anywhere with anyone without knowing where she was going or why, was blindly following Steve out the door.

Yeah, thought Darcy with a shake of her head as she disappeared back down the hallway to find Clint and drag him to bed for some sexy fun, Rohan needs this. I just hope Steve's up to the task, because that is going to be one wild ride.


	6. Story Time and Marriage Announcements

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is the last chapter for this story. At least, it's the last that I've planned. I wanted to end it on a happy note and post the story of how Darcy met the former-Clint hundreds of years ago. Then decided to through in a touch of banter, some good news about Loki and Kith'ka, and implications for the future. Hopefully this meets everyone's standards.

_Fallen leaves shifted beneath her feet, crinkling but not breaking under her soft footfalls. One of the many things she she was grateful for in her life was her aunt's insistence she learn to run silently. Though the forest was forbidden and supposedly haunted, it was still nice to know no-one would be able to hear her easily. Except perhaps her brother, who was hiding somewhere in the forest. Hide and seek was usually considered a children's game by humans; they saw it as training in hunting._

 

_Her cloak rustled slightly in the scant wind which flowed through the trees, wrapping it around her legs and catching it on the cloth of her pants. She pushed it back behind her again, sweeping it back over her shoulders and hoping it wouldn't catch under her feet. Normally, she would have worn a cloak closer to her size, but in the forest this one provided her with more cover and helped hide that fact that she was a woman. It wasn't safe to be a woman alone in their time; not with the men who presently ruled the land about._

 

_Slipping between the trees, her eyes darted around rapidly in search of her 'prey'. No matter how many times they played this game, her brother always managed to elude her for a good amount of time. Eventually she caught him of course, but it was usually days after they began the game. The fact that they even played for days no matter who was hiding probably said a lot about their skills though._

 

_A shiver ran down her spine, sharp and sudden, causing her to quickly duck behind a near by tree for cover. Something wasn't right; she was being watched. Reaching out with her magic towards the energy net which flowed across the entire forest, she tried to find the source of her unease. When it was Lopt watching her, the sensation was different. Familiar. This had been unfamiliar, predatory in a way her brother's stare never was._

 

_She found the intruder almost immediately and felt fear begin to squeeze her chest. The man was a warrior, of that she was sure; the way his energy vibrated through him, a strong current reflecting determination, discipline, and loyalty, was identical to that of a warrior. What confused her was the presence of only one individual. Guards traveled in groups, so why did this one roam alone?_

 

_Still, she wasn't going to stick around and find out. Though they looked human, both she and her brother were far from it which could lead to some unpleasant repercussions if either of them were caught. Sure, they could both escape, but neither wanted to face the consequences of even having to do that to begin with. Their aunt was very strict at times._

 

_A familiar whisper of sound cut through her thoughts. It was soft, barely audible, but very dangerous all the same. The soft twang of a bow string being drawn; the gentle creak of a bow bending with the pull of it's string; a faint echo of leather against wood._

 

 _Without a second thought, she bolted from the tree and took off into the woods just as an arrow struck the tree beside her in the same place where her head had been. Of course, she had to be found by a_ good _archer. Most of the men who practiced archery weren't particularly talented at it beyond that they could hit a target; clearly, this man surpassed them._

 

 _More thumps echoed behind her in a rhythmic pattern in tune with the other sounds of the draw and release. Dammit, the man could apparently shoot_ and _run. Meaning he was likely a hunter or a scout. Which was why he was traveling alone._ Of course, I'm the one who has to find a scout. _Really, it was just her luck. It always seemed like, if someone was going to get caught, it was her._

 

_Leaping a rock, she skidded on the ground and changed direction, hoping the sudden shift would throw the man from her trail. Instead, she heard a thump and the trees above her head shook violently in tune with the sound of running footsteps. Apparently, the man knew how to climb trees. And how to run through them. Seriously, was she being chased by a damn squirrel with a bow? This was ridiculous._

 

_Skidding again, she rolled behind an outcropping of rocks for cover and took off down a slope towards the river. It didn't offer the most cover, but he couldn't track her through the water. If she could cross and make it to the other side, she might have a chance to escape._

 

_Her pace picked up as another arrow struck the ground near her feet, pushing her to run faster. She could hear the water running ahead but knew he was very close behind her as well. The sound of his boots striking dirt and rock echoed through her ears along with her pulse. Even if she made it to the river, he would cut her down before she could make it across. But she did have another option: there was a waterfall ahead. It wasn't particularly large, but it was noisy and if she could get close enough the sound might cover her movement. Plus, she knew there was a cavern behind the waterfall she could hide in if she could reach it. They would crest the top of the falls, but the pool beneath was deep enough for her to jump into without hurting herself. She could swim up into the pool from there._

 

_All hopes of an easy escape were dashed, however, when a sharp whistle echoed close to her ear and a counter force to her own suddenly sent her tumbling to the ground. She rolled as she struck dirt, allowing her to return to her knees and grab one of the knives hidden inside her cloak. It wasn't ideal and she hated when she had to hurt people, but this wasn't a situation where she had much of a choice. Her cloak was pinned firmly into the ground._

 

_The sound of approaching footsteps sent her whipping sharply around, knife in hand, to face her attacker. Her pinned cloak kept her from standing, forcing her to look up her pursuer stepped into view. His bow was drawn, an arrow knocked and pointed straight at her. She didn't flinch, just turned her head to meet the man's eyes._

 

_He wasn't particularly tall, which explained his agility in the trees, nor was he big like many guards were. His built indicated he spent a great deal of time on the move, reinforcing her earlier assessment that he was a hunter or scout. The fact that he was wearing the crest of a local lord enforced the idea that he was a scout. His face was smudged with dirt and he had a decent length beard, meaning he'd probably been in the forest for a while. However, his eyes were a very clear blue-gray color, sharp and focused like those of a hawk. It made her freeze in place, slightly in shock._

 

_For several seconds, neither one made any sort of a move. Both were breathing hard, gulping in much needed air. A furrow drew across his brow, causing her fingers to tighten on the knife gripped between her index and middle fingers, just waiting to be thrown._

 

_Then, to her surprise, his stance relaxed, his arm easing the tension in his bow. “You're a girl.”  
_

_It was the strangest thing anyone had ever said to her. And that was saying a lot given she regularly dealt with some very strange people. His tone, slightly dismissive as it was, also sent her blood boiling. Did he really believe her sex determined how dangerous she was? Still, she had to give him props for having the balls to actually say that. Which is why, instead of beating the crap out of him, she opted to make sure she heard correctly. “I'm sorry?”_

 

“ _You're a girl,” he repeated. “I thought you were a man hunting in the forest.”_

 

“ _Um, alright?” At this point, she could admit to being more confused than angry. Yes, she was a girl but wasn't it his job to keep people out of the forest, regardless of their status as hunters or their sex? “What does it matter that I'm a woman?”_

 

“ _Because you're not a hunter,” explained the man with a shrug, one of his hands sliding the previously knocked arrow back into his quiver. The motion drew attention to his arms, which she instantly decided were absolutely incredible. Seriously, she wanted to touch those arms. “Plus, I'm not going to shoot a woman. Even if they are dressed as a man.”_

 

_His voice brought her attention back to the matter at hand. Snorting slightly, she tugged at the arrow pushed through her cloak, using the guise of freeing herself to slip the knife back into its hiding place. “First, my sex does not limit me from hunting. Second, if it weren't dangerous to be a woman, I might not have to dress this way.”_

 

“ _And if you were traveling with a man, it might not be an issue,” countered the scout, his eyebrow cocking slightly. “Besides, this forest is dangerous.”_

 

_Shaking her head, she stood to face the man completely, his arrow in her hands. “Hardly. I've run through this forest for years without incident. Besides, my brother is here, somewhere. I was looking for him when you happened upon me.”_

 

_One of the man's eyebrows rose in surprise. “Your bother is foolish enough to leave you alone in the forest?”_

 

“ _We were hunting one another.” Her voice comes out harsh, tense. Really, this man's implications are beginning to rub her the wrong way. “Besides, I clearly gave you a run for your money.”_

 

_He shrugged slightly, resting the bow across his back. “I won't deny that. You are very fast for a woman.” His eyes passed over her, assessing. If another man had preformed the same act, she would have felt violated. But her pursuer's gaze was clinical and a touch impressed. Seemingly satisfied with what he sees, he offers her a hand. “My name is Cadeyrn and I am a scout for Lord Laugh.”_

 

_Her eyes fell to his hand, suspicion clearly written across her face. Still, she took the offered hand in the type of shake she'd seen others perform. Well, at least the men. “Rowena.”_

 

_A grin slipped across his lips as he released her hand. “It's a pleasure to meet you, Rowena. Normally, I don't meet women who can outrun me as you did.”_

 

“ _And it's rare I can find a man who can shoot as you do.” Her lips pursed a little, her mind drawn between attempting to get away and staying to speak with the man. She had to admit, now that he wasn't attempting to shoot her, Cadeyrn seemed like an interesting individual. “May I ask where you learned?”_

 

_The grin slipped into more of an easy smile as he moved towards the river, presumably to wash. “You may, if you tell me where you learned to evade pursuit as you do.”_

 

_For a moment, she weighed the wisdom of telling him that story before following after him towards the river. “Deal.”_

 

0000000000

 

“And that's what happened,” finished Darcy with a sigh, one eyebrow raised at the group in front of her.

 

The Avengers just stared back at her, slightly slack-jawed. What? It wasn't _that_ weird of a story. Behind them, she watched Rohan shake her head from where she was standing in the shadows. She'd appeared earlier, unnoticed, when Jane and Tony were tag-teaming her to actually tell the full story of how she'd met Cadeyrn. Apparently they hadn't believed her when she said the man chased her through the forest, then pinned her with an arrow.

 

Stepping out of the shadows, Rohan moved to lean against the back of the couch beside Steve's head. “You know, it's probably a good thing you didn't introduce him to anyone sooner. I might have hurt him.”

 

“Might have?” asked Darcy with a raised eyebrow as everyone jumped, startled by her Aunt's sudden appearance. “I thought Lopt was going to kill him when he found out.”

 

Rohan nodded a little, a thoughtful look on her face. “I could see it. Which reminds me, I need to check in with Anubis and see if he needs any help.”

 

Darcy just shook her head. “Do I want to know how Lopt killing someone reminded you to talk to Anubis?”

 

“Probably not,” replied Rohan with a shrug as she straightened.

 

Steve looked back as she moved, offering her boyish smile. “How are you, Peg-er, Rohan?” His brow furrowed as he tried to figure out what he should call her. Apparently, they hadn't decided that the night before.

 

“Either works,” assured Rohan. “Though Rohan is actually my name, you can call me Peggy if you're more comfortable with that.”

 

For a moment, Steve seemed to deliberate before offering her another smile. “I think I'd like to call you Rohan. It's your actual name and I'd like the chance to learn who you really are.”

 

The smile Rohan gave him was soft, even as she ruffled his hair a little. “Whatever floats your boat, Steve.”

 

“Okay, can you stop with the modern terminology?” requested Darcy with a groan. “It's disturbing.”

 

Rohan rolled her eyes, leveling a look of 'really?' at her niece. “Rowena, you do know I didn't start off speaking the way you grew up hearing me speak, correct?”

 

“I know, you spoke a completely different language that humanoid vocal cords can't recreate,” replied Darcy with a shake of her head. “But you sound like _me._ It's weird to have an aunt you _know_ is thousands of years older than you talk like a teenager.”

 

With another shake of her head, Rohan changed the topic easily. “So, why exactly were you retelling that particular story?”

 

“Because they were bugging me,” explained Darcy, a thumb jerking towards Tony and Jane. “Plus, I was trying to keep Steve from being bombarded with questions about your date.”

 

Rohan shrugged, arms crossing over her chest. “Fair enough. I'm here to tell you that Grandmother is requesting your presence at home along with your brothers for Kith'ka and Loki's binding.”

 

Both of Darcy's eyebrows rose and she immediately perked up. “They're finally getting married?”

 

“Yep,” confirmed Rohan with a smirk. “Loki bit the proverbial bullet and asked her last night while I was out. She told me this morning.”

 

A grin curled across Darcy's face that bordered on predatory. “You didn't get home until _this morning_? Is Steve's virtue still intact?”

 

“Yes,” growled Rohan. “I told you yesterday that I wasn't going there. The poor man can barely keep from blushing at the mention of sex. Like I'm going to be the one responsible for jumping him. I've probably damaged him enough as is.”

 

Steve gulped a little but managed to keep from turning completely red. “I wouldn't say that. I hurt you more than you've ever done to me.”

 

Cocking an eyebrow, Rohan turned to look at Steve like he was crazy. “Steve, I shot at you. In Stark's lab. Because a secretary threw herself at you. I'm pretty sure that would scar most guys.”

 

“Maybe,” admitted Steve with a small grin. “But I gotta admit, you looked beautiful firing that gun. Even if it was at me.”

 

For a moment, Rohan stared at him with a cross of shock and concern painted across her face. “That's kinda worrisome, Steve. Most guys would be scared if a girl took a shot at them.”  
  


“Well, yeah, but I'd hurt you,” explained Steve. “It was kinda deserved.”

 

Darcy groaned across the room, leaning her head against Clint's shoulder. “See what I mean when I say the man is like a puppy?”

 

“I already knew that part, Rowena,” reminds Rohan with a roll of her eyes. “I was working with him before they gave him the serum.”

 

“Which you are so going to tell me about later,” insisted Darcy with a grin. “And don't say you won't, I can annoy you until you do.”

 

Groaning, Rohan raised one of her hands to rub at her eyes. “And these are the times when I see Loki reflected in your personality. Fine, but later. Much later.” Checking her watch, she cursed quietly and refocused on Darcy. “I need to run. There's a necromancer causing problems over in Norway. Need anything while I'm there?”

 

“Nothing comes to mind,” dismissed Darcy with a grin. “Have fun beating the dead back into the ground.”

 

“Loads,” was Rohan's sarcastic reply before she disappeared.

 

Shaking her head, Darcy stood and stretched, offering Clint a hand up. “Well, looks like I'm going home for a bit.”

 

“This is wondrous news!” exclaimed Thor happily. “My brother is to be wed!”

 

“That poor man,” sighed Darcy with a grin. “Oh well, it should at least be entertaining. There's no way Mom and Dad will pass up an opportunity to cause trouble. I need to go make a bet with Derek, see you guys.” With that, Darcy disappeared, leaving the others starting at the spot where she's been.

 

Clint just shook his head with a sigh, rubbing a hand through his hair. “So, would asking her to marry me tonight seem suspicious?”

 

“Yes,” replied Natasha and Pepper automatically. Jane just stared at him.

 

“Do it after the wedding,” advised Pepper.

  
Natasha nodded in agreement. “I know you've been waiting a while to ask Clint, but it would be best to wait. Otherwise, it seems as if you are trying to compete or prove something.”

 

“Right,” sighed Clint, slipping a small velvet box from his pocket. He turned it carefully in his hands, staring sadly at it. “So, can you hold onto this again, 'Tasha?”

 

“Of course,” confirmed Natasha as she took the ring from him. “You will get your chance to ask soon, Clint. Don't look so put out.”

 

“I know,” replied Clint as he stood. “I'm going to call the restaurant and change the reservation a little. We probably don't need champagne if I'm not asking tonight.”

 

“Probably not,” agreed Pepper with a smile as she watched the archer wonder from the room. Sighing, she turned back to look at Natasha and Jane. “Well, at least we know she loves him.”

 

“And will probably say yes,” stated Natasha with a touch of a smirk. Her eyes moved to Steve, glinting with mischief. “So, Steven, how was _your_ date last night?”


	7. Star Wars is Discussed, A Courthouse is Rescued, and Everyone Learns Too Much About the Twins Lives

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure where this came from. And for that, I apologize.

“By Grandmother's spear, are you serious?” asked Darcy through her laughter.

 

Rohan took a sip of the tea in front of her and shook her head. “Completely. I couldn't believe Stark had said that either. I wanted to strike him and probably would have if he hadn't been flying the plane we were in.”

 

“Eh, you could have probably survived the jump,” pointed out Darcy with a shrug. Her aunt had finally, after years and years of refusing, agreed to talk about the war. Apparently, Steve's disappearance really had been the reason for her refusal to discuss anything about WWII. Darcy would have made a comment about 'young love', but she wasn't sure the word 'young' could be applied in any way, shape, or form to either Steve or Aunt Rohan.

 

“If I broke cover, sure,” agreed Rohan. “But it was the war and we were low on supplies. Plus, Hitler was a bastard and I wanted to see him burn as much as everyone else, so that meant making sure we didn't loose our equipment for stupid reasons.”

 

“Didn't loose what equipment where?” asked Clint curiously as he walked into the room, heading to the coffee machine for his own cup of caffeinated goodness. Steve followed him into the room along with Natasha, both of whom looked like they had been working out.

 

“A military plane in the war,” replied Rohan with a shrug. “I was telling Rowena about sneaking Steve out to the Hydra base where we thought Barns and the others were being held.”

 

Darcy nodded, watching Clint as he moved around the room. She never got tired of watching him, though she preferred it when he was naked and walking around. But that just had a lot to do with the fact his pants never showed off his ass to her satisfaction. His arms, on the other hand, were just fine. “Apparently the Stark she knew was just as bad about the whole flirting thing as Tony is, except he had worse timing.”

 

Rohan hummed in agreement. “Waiting until you're over an active enemy base to ask someone out isn't the brightest move.”

 

“So you finally got her to talk about the war, huh?” teased Clint as he wrapped an arm around Darcy's waist and kissed her forehead. “Thought you said she was really tight-lipped about that whole experience.”

 

“Apparently finding Steve helped loosen her reservations,” replied Darcy with a grin. “The man does wonders for her.”

 

“Watch it, Rowena,” warned Rohan with a warning look. “I may be speaking to you as a friend, but I'm still your aunt and significantly older than you.”

 

Natasha tilted her head slightly in consideration. “You know, Darcy told us how old _she_ is, but I don't think you've ever mentioned how old you are.”

 

“Old enough,” replied Rohan with a shrug. “It's not really important.”

 

“Sure it is,” countered Clint with a smirk. “We're trying to figure out who's robbing the cradle here.”

 

“That would be Rowena and I,” informed Rohan as she poured more hot water into her mug of tea. “Well, at least I am. Rowena is closer to your age in the spiritual realm, so she isn't exactly robbing any cradles.”

 

Steve's brow furrowed slightly as he took a seat across from where Rohan was leaning. “You only look 27; you can't be that old.”

 

“Steven, you were frozen for nearly 70 years,” reminded Rohan gently. “And I still look just like I did before you were frozen. If my appearance can remain unaltered for 67 years, what's to say I couldn't still look the same after 6700 years?”

 

“But you trained with Thor,” pointed out Darcy with a furrowed brow. She remembered that part distinctly, mostly because Rohan and Kith'ka's time in Asgard was the whole reason she and Derek existed. “Thor was an adult and you were a newly made immortal and all of that was 1400 years ago. Plus you told Derek and I that you're only 1600 years old.”

 

Rohan raised an eyebrow at Darcy, her look clearly saying her niece was completely off track. “I've had a _human_ form for 1600 years. That isn't how old I am, that's how long I've had this particular body for.”

 

“So wait, then how old are you?” asked Darcy, brow still furrowed. Yeah, her aunt had been a wolf before she was a human, but she'd made it sound brief. Which meant she couldn't be much older than 1600.

 

Taking a sip of her tea, Rohan shook her head slowly and shot Darcy a warning look. “It's not important, Rowena.”

 

The furrow between Steve's eyes deepened. “Why won't you tell us, Rohan? I'm not gonna leave or anything.” Eyes widening, he quickly added: “If that's what you're worried about, I mean.. I- I already know you're older than me.” His assurances only earned him a weary glance from Rohan. “Seriously Rohan, I want to know.”

 

Rohan sighed, shaking her head. “Why does it matter, Steven?”

 

“Because you know how old I am,” explained Steve with a sigh. “You know so much about me and I know almost nothing about you. Just the stuff you told me during the war, which wasn't much to begin with.”

 

For a moment, Rohan was silent as she stared at Steve before her eyes dropped to her tea. “Over 15,000.”

 

“What?” choked out Clint, nearly spitting coffee across the counter. Gently, Darcy patted him on the back to help clear his throat.

 

Sighing again, Rohan explained. “I'm over 15,000 years old. We didn't have a concept of time back then, so I can't say how old I actually am in human years. I just know I'm more than 15,000 years old.”

 

Steve blinked, clearly trying to process the number. His eyes were wide and he looked a little paler than normal. It caused Rohan's brow to furrow a little more and, for a second, she looked ready to bolt from the room.

 

Darcy spoke up quickly, knowing that if her aunt bolted then no one would see her for a while. “'We didn't have a concept of time'?”

 

“The other guardians and I,” explained Rohan with a shrug. “I used to be one of Gaia's guardians. Still am, technically.”

 

“Which is why you aren't always available to do things,” muttered Darcy, the reason for her aunts various disappearances over the years suddenly making sense. “I always wondered about that.”

 

“When Gaia calls, we go to her,” explained Rohan. “It doesn't matter what we're doing.”

 

“Even if you're trying to track a mad necromancer,” muttered Darcy darkly. She still hadn't forgiven her aunt for that and neither had Derek. “Derek and I still haven't forgotten that Frankenstein incident.”

 

Rohan winced. “I've apologized multiple times. There isn't much more I can do.”

 

“Speaking of Frankenstein,” cut in Clint, “did you and Derek ever find his research?”

 

“Her,” corrected Darcy automatically. “Shelly Frankenstein was a girl.”

 

“Her research resurfaced?” questioned Rohan worriedly. “I thought you got destroyed all of it all in the 1700's.”

 

“Given it's what killed me, clearly not,” replied Darcy with a shrug. “Derek and I tried to track it down, but we didn't have any luck. There haven't been any more incidents though, so we're hoping that something happened to whoever had it.”

 

“I wouldn't count on that,” stated Rohan with a shake of her head. “Research like that always manages to resurface, no matter what you do.”

 

Steve seemed to finally manage to come out of his shocked state, his eyes focused on Rohan again. “You don't think that's the last time we'll see something resulting from this research?”

 

“Probably not,” confirmed Rohan with a shrug. “You don't really want to know how often my job involves going after someone with dangerous research and making sure it gets destroyed. Why do you think I was in the army during World War II?”

 

“The hot men?” guessed Darcy. “Or maybe the chance to try and puzzle out humans again?”

 

“Hardly,” dismissed Rohan with a snort. “I was there to ensure some information Hitler managed to obtain was destroyed. Of course, it turned out Hydra had the information instead, but we managed to find it regardless.”

 

“So, you just destroy information that you don't think humans should have?” asked Clint, brow furrowed and a slight frown on his face.

 

Rohan nodded. “Exactly.” Glancing at Clint, who's features had darkened with her response, she rolled her eyes and explained. “Would you really like everyone in the world to know how to reanimate the dead? Or be able to spread a plague with a snap of their fingers? Better question: would you really want an army of low-powered Loki's running a muck across the planet? Because I know I wouldn't want to deal with that, and it's pretty much my job to take care of people who are exactly like that.”

 

Darcy made a bit of a face. “I'm not sure it would be _that_ bad...”

 

The look Rohan gave her niece clearly said it would be. “Rowena, if everyone had access to Frankenstein's notes, plus Bathory's lovely journals, plus Jack's experiment results, _plus_ Vlad's journals, that's pretty much what we'd have.”

 

Steve looked more than a little lost. “Um, I know the first one but who are the other three?”  
  


Rohan sighed and began ticking people off on her fingers. “Bathory is Elizabeth Bathory who practiced blood magic; Jack would be Jack the Ripper who did human reanimation experiments similar to Frankenstein's but with more of a medical component and no regard for the soul what-so-ever; and Vlad was another practitioner of blood magic but following a different vein of research from Bathory.”

 

“In other words, a group of particularly dangerous people that Rohan, and in some cases Derek and I, tracked down and killed,” finished Darcy. “And I'm not disputing that there are some dangerous and deranged people out there, but I'm not sure comparing them to Dad is really accurate.”

 

Rohan looked ready to argue, but was cut off when Derek suddenly popped into the room with his usual flash of light. “Hey Rowena, Aunt Rohan. You busy?”  
  


“We were just arguing if there was anyone like Dad in the human populous,” replied Darcy with a shrug. “What's up?”  
  


“The entire courthouse downtown is kinda being held hostage by some deranged sociopath and his army of steroid-hyped lugs,” explained Derek with a shrug. “I figured I'd see if you guys could take a moment to help me deal with it.”  
  


Darcy shrugged and looked at Rohan. “What do you think, Aunt Rohan?”

 

“Sure, I could use some exercise today,” agreed Rohan. “Doesn't sound too hard.”

 

“Eh, they're all human,” shrugged Derek. “Meet you there?”

 

“Yeah,” confirmed Darcy. “Just let us check to make sure no one else wants to join in the fun.”

 

“Fun?” sputtered Steve. “How is saving a courthouse fun?”

 

Darcy and Derek smirked and replied simultaneously. “You've never been in battle with us.”

 

“Why does that sound like it'll have the same effect as mixing two unstable and combustible chemicals with C4?” asked Tony as he more or less ran into the room. “By the way, we've got a minor issue at a courthouse. There are hostages, so Agent's wanting us down there ASAP. Anyone interested?”  
  


“We were just heading there ourselves,” replied Darcy with a shrug, jerking her thumb at Derek. “Wanna come with? We'll get there faster.”

 

Tony paused, considering this before shrugging. “I need my suit and I'm pretty sure Mr. Spangly Ass, Ms. I-Can-Kill-You-With-A-Look and Bird-man here need their costumes.” Clint and Steve leveled irritated looks at Tony, but neither bothered to say a word. It wouldn't do them much good, anyway. Natasha just smirked slightly. Tony kept going, regardless of anyone else around him. “Not that we don't need those things anyway, but if you're in a hurry-”

 

“Get your gear and get back here,” cut in Darcy with a roll of her eyes. “We'll wait.”

 

Derek nodded. “I'll fill Rowena and Aunt Rohan in on what I know while we wait.”

 

“Works for me,” stated Tony before he spun around and headed off to get his suit.

 

Clint kissed Darcy's forehead quickly. “Be back in a minute.”

 

“Same,” stated Steve, meeting Rohan's eyes for a moment before heading out of the room with Clint. Natasha had vanished sometime in the midst of the conversation, which left Rohan, Derek, and Darcy alone in the room.

 

Derek immediately turned on Rohan as soon as the others were gone. “What was that about?”

 

“What was what about?” asked Rohan, one of her eyebrows rising in response.

 

“The whole 'same' and pointed look thing from Mr. Embodiment-of-nationalism,” replied Derek. “Are things serious?”

 

“Lopt,” warned Rohan, voice containing a touch of a growl. “This isn't your business.”

 

“Sure it is,” countered Darcy. “We've gotta make sure no-one hurts our aunt. Mom would be very angry if we let someone hurt you.”

 

Rohan rolled her eyes, pointing at Derek. “Lopt, what's the situation we're going into?”  
  


Derek and Darcy shared a glance that said they'd pick this up later before he answered. “Maybe thirty guys, all of them human and apparently jacked up on steroids. Their ring-leader is some psycho in a mask, but I didn't get a good look at him.”

 

“So we're going in semi-blind,” stated Darcy with a shrug. “We've done worse.”  
  


“True,” agreed Rohan. “Necromancers can reanimate what bodies are around them. I actually got attacked by zombie squirrels once.”

 

Darcy shook her head. “I can top that: zombie mackerel.”

 

“What about a zombie mackerel?” asked Clint as he hurried back into the room, pulling his vest shut.

 

“I've been attacked by one,” replied Darcy. “It was...weird.”

 

Clint paused for a moment, just blinking at his girlfriend. “Um...right...”

 

“Aunt Rohan was just saying she was attacked by zombie squirrels once,” explained Derek. “Apparently Rowena was attacked by a zombie mackerel.”

 

Darcy nodded, reaching out to finish zipping up Clint's jacket and shooting him a look that she knew would make parts of him stand at attention. “So what's your weirdest Derek?”

 

“Do vampires count or are we just doing zombies?” asked Derek.

 

“Zombies only,” replied Darcy. “We can do vampires next.”

 

Steve looked startled as he reentered the room. “What about vampires?”

 

“We're going to talk about our weirdest vampire encounters next,” explained Darcy. “Go, Derek.”

 

“Zombie chinchilla,” replied Derek. “Got a great hat out of it, though.”

 

“There was enough of the hide left to make a hat?” questioned Rohan in surprise. “That's impressive.”

 

Derek shrugged. “That's what counter-magic is for.”

 

“What are we using counter-magic for?” asked Tony as he walked into the room with Natasha, suit settling into place. “And why do we need counter-magic?”  
  


“We don't,” replied Darcy. “Derek used it to take out a zombie chinchilla once so he could make a hat from it's hide. Everyone ready?”

 

Tony blinked cluelessly at the former lab intern. “I think I'm missing something.”

 

“No, pretty sure you're not missing a damn thing,” muttered Steve, rubbing his forehead like he didn't know what to make of anything he'd just heard. Which, well, he probably didn't if Darcy had to guess. “We should probably head over.”

 

“Right,” stated Derek, clapping his hands together. “So, how do we want to do this? Everyone port to the same place or different places?”

 

“Same place,” replied Rohan. “We can determine if we need to split up once we're inside.”

 

“My office?” asked Derek.

 

Darcy shrugged. “It's as good a place as any. Aunt Rohan, have you been there?”

 

“I'm not worried about it, Rowena,” stated Rohan. “Now, let's get this job underway. Steven, Natasha, would you prefer to come with me, Rowena, or Lopt?”

 

“You,” replied both Steve and Natasha.

 

Derek grinned. “I'll take Stark if no one objects.”

 

“Just don't molest the guy,” warned Darcy mildly. “Guess that leaves you stuck with me, Clint.”

 

“Oh no, whatever will I do?” wondered Clint sarcastically.

 

Rohan smirked a little. “I believe he's as sarcastic as you, Rowena.”

 

“And you're surprised by this...why?” asked Darcy, even as she grabbed Clint's hand. “He's still no where near as bad as you can be.”

 

“I'm not sarcastic unless I'm dealing with Odin,” countered Rohan, one of her hands reaching out to take Steve's while she offered the other to Natasha. The former assassin carefully took the offered hand. “Or Loki. Or Thor when he's being dense.”

 

“Speaking of Uncle Thor, should we have invited him?” asked Derek. “I mean, I don't particularly relish the idea of the courthouse getting leveled, but it's a little rude to leave him out of the fun.”

 

“Trust me, inviting Thor along on something like this isn't his idea of fun,” assured Rohan. “I would know, I used to hunt with him. Now, let's go.” With that, Rohan disappeared from sight along with Steve and Natasha.

 

Tony jumped a little, whistling as they disappeared without so much as a flicker. One minute they were there, the next minute they were gone. “Where was the flash of light? Or is that only on the other end?”

 

“Aunt Rohan is a bit more skilled at teleporting than myself and Derek,” explained Darcy. “She's learned how to do this through other channels. Now, take Derek's hand and let's go.”

 

Just like Rohan had, Darcy teleported both herself and Clint from the room. The space around them literally changed in less than a second: one minute they were in the kitchen of the tower, the next they were in a cluttered law office. The only sound was the snapping of her fingers as she teleported them.

 

Glancing around, she noted that Steve and Natasha were already in the room with Rohan, who was leaning against Derek's desk like she was waiting for an appointment. There was tension in her form though, belying her nerves. And Darcy knew why: Steve had never seen Rohan in a fight like the one that was about to occur. Magic would be used, and that alone worried her aunt.

 

No matter what Rohan said, Darcy knew the older woman was afraid Steve would be offended or frightened off by something she did. Not that Darcy blamed her; 16,000 plus years old and the woman had never been married. To Darcy's knowledge, she'd never so much as dated except for Steve. Which meant Steve was her aunt's first boyfriend/lover. Being afraid of loosing Steve was understandable.

 

A faint echo of a snap cut through the room, the energy from the shift catching Darcy's attention and refocusing her on the room as a whole. Glancing to her right, she noted that Derek and Tony were now in the room as well. Derek looked the same as before, possibly even a little bored. But Tony- he looked beyond excited.

 

“I have really got to invent a teleporter,” stated Tony firmly. “JARVIS, remind me to build a teleporter later. We can use it in the tower instead of elevators.”

 

Derek shot Darcy a raised eyebrow. “Is he always like this?”

 

“Pretty much,” confirmed Darcy. “Sometimes he's worse. Depends on how much alcohol and caffeine he's had, when he last slept, and what he's seen recently. Letting him watch Star Wars while drunk and going on 48 hours without sleep is forbidden by Pepper now.”

 

Blinking at his sister, Derek looked a little concerned. “Do I want to know why?”

 

“Because last time he did that, we found a working version of the Millenium Falcon in the Tower's hanger,” explained Darcy with a shrug. Beside her, Clint was snickering hard at the memory. Tony just rolled his eyes and muttered: 'At least it worked'.

 

Rohan and Steve both looked confused, asking the same question simultaneously. “What's Star Wars?”

 

Darcy felt a little disturbed hearing both her aunts voice and Steve's speak the same words at the same time. Their voices were of different pitches, but there was a quality to them that was the same. “It's a series of movies about a galactic conflict between the presiding abusive government and a rebel group trying to take control.”

 

“It has space ships, light sabers, and a power known as 'the force',” added Derek easily.

 

“So, it's a documentary?” asked Rohan with furrowed brows.

 

“Uh...not really?” replied Darcy uncertainly. “It's the same generic story of a power struggle, but it takes place in space, spanning an entire galaxy.”

 

Rohan nodded. “So it's a documentary.”

 

Derek and Darcy exchanged confused looks while everyone else stared at Rohan like she'd grown another head. “Uh...”

 

“Who produced it?” asked Rohan, switching tactics a little.

 

“George Lucas,” answered Derek.

 

“Then it's a documentary of sorts,” stated Rohan with a shake of her head.

 

Darcy blinked at her aunt like the woman had grown another head. “What does the series being produced by George Lucas have to do with anything?”

 

“Because he's a Halangian descendent,” explained Rohan with a shrug. “It makes sense he'd produce a movie about his own people's history.”

 

Everyone just stared at Rohan like she'd grown another head, except for Steve who just looked confused. She cocked an eyebrow in return.

 

“What's a Halangian?” asked Steve suddenly.

 

“They're a race of people who began developing several million years before humans did,” explained Rohan. “Their galaxy was filled with a variety of life forms and it's one of the few galaxies I know of to contain that many different sentient species. The whole area was taken over by a rogue Halangian maybe three hundred years ago, bringing forward an abusive regime that was toppled less than fifty years after it's establishment in a galactic rebellion.”

 

Tony was looking at Rohan like she'd just told him Santa was real after all and the man was bringing him every single toy he'd ever wanted in his life but hadn't gotten. “So Han Solo and the Millennium Falcon are real?”

 

Rohan's brow furrowed again. “Han Solo? Was this man a smuggler?”

 

“Yeah,” confirmed Derek. “He's roguishly handsome, too.”

 

“Then yes, that character does exist in a sense,” confirmed Rohan. “Different name, but same role. There was a smuggler famous for allying himself with the alliance after one of their key leaders was imprisoned and the man helped save her. He married the woman much later, to general approval. Of course, the man turned out to be a fallen lord's son, so it made everything easier ultimately.”

 

“I can't believe Star Wars is real,” muttered Clint in awe.

 

“Wait, I'm confused,” stated Darcy. “I thought you were Earth bound. What were you doing in an entirely different galaxy?”

 

“Helping a friend,” replied Rohan. “Do you remember when I left suddenly about four hundred years ago?”

 

Darcy and Derek both nodded. “Yeah, we remember. Frankenstein.”

 

“A friend posted in that galaxy asked for my help tracking a rogue creature,” explained Rohan. “So, I went to help her.”

 

“Which is what took you so long,” stated Derek. “That makes sense.”

 

The sound of gunfire outside the door brought everyone back to the situation at hand. No screams of pain followed, just fear, so Darcy figured no one was hit. They needed to deal with this situation now though. Discussions of galactic rebellions could wait until later.

 

“Can we table this discussion for now and handle the matter at hand?” requested Rohan. “Just for the sake of the people in this building.”

 

“Agreed,” muttered Clint. “It's on the list right under 'weirdest vampire encounter'.”

 

Darcy cocked an eyebrow at her boyfriend. “Really dude?”

 

The archer just shrugged, offering her a grin. “What can I say? I wanna know what you're weirdest vampire encounter was.”

 

“Rabbits,” replied Derek suddenly. “Vampire rabbits. The men are scattered through the building. It would probably be safest to lure them into one place and pounce from there. Any ideas on how to do that?”

 

“Seriously? Vampire rabbits?” asked Tony. “Isn't that a little contradictory?”

 

Natasha, who Darcy knew had been silently observing the chaos that was the incredibly strange family in front of her, shot Tony a look. “Focus, Tony.”

 

“Yeah, we don't have your meds with us right now so you're just going to have to be good on your own will power,” joked Clint. “We could use a centralized explosion.”

 

“Orca whale,” replied Darcy. “Vampire orca whale. And our best bet would probably be stealth-”

 

“Did you just say 'orca whale'?” asked Clint. Apparently, he and Tony were sharing an attention span today.

 

“Yes, I did,” confirmed Darcy. “If Tony can do something to distract them, that should lure most of the men away from the hostages and put us in a position to take out the few remaining men silently while the rest of the group deals with the rest.”

 

Derek blinked at his sister like she was insane. “You've had a lot of trouble with undead fish, haven't you?”

 

“More than you want to know about,” muttered Darcy with a sigh. “Aunt Rohan, what do you think about this?”

 

“I think this will work,” agreed Rohan. “The basis is simple, but I have one suggestion: let me lure the men into one place.”

 

“Go for it,” agreed Darcy. “Do we have a map of this place?”  
  


“I have something,” confirmed Derek as he started shuffling around his office. “So Aunt Rohan, what was your strangest vampire encounter?”

 

“Vlad,” stated Rohan without hesitation.

 

“Vlad the Impaler?” repeated Darcy and Derek, both twins looking at her in surprise.

 

“Yes,” confirmed Rohan.

 

Steve shook his head slowly, rubbing it slightly. “I thought you said he did magic?”

 

“No, that was Vlad the Monk,” corrected Rohan. “Vlad the Impaler was a vampire and the older brother to Vlad the Monk.”

 

“Isn't Vlad the Impaler the reason Vlad the Monk got involved in blood magic?” added Derek, attention mostly returned to digging for something in his office. “Also, Aunt Rohan, you did silence the room, right?”

 

“Yes, he was the reason, and if I hadn't silenced the room, we would have already been shot at,” replied Rohan. “Three men have passed the door since we arrived.”

 

Natasha nodded, her body leaning against the wall beside the door. “Impressive. No one else had even noticed.”  
  


Rohan shrugged. “They smell different.”

 

“Wait, go back to the whole 'Vlad' thing again,” insisted Darcy. “You've been attacked by a vampire _goat_. So how is Vlad is the strangest vampire you've come across?”  
  


 

“He propositioned me,” stated Rohan flatly. “He asked if I would have sex with him before I killed him.”

 

One of Tony's eyebrows rose in confusion. “Um, not to make Steve uncomfortable or anything, but I would too. I mean, if you're gonna die, you might as well give it a try.”

 

“He wasn't the first human to proposition her when she showed up to kill them,” informed Darcy. “I can name at least ten others, men and women, who did that. What made this one so different?”

 

“I was still recovering from the spear that Turkish man shoved in my side,” replied Rohan.

 

Darcy winced. Outright winced. “And that is more than I _ever_ wanted to know about his kinks.”

 

Clint cocked an eyebrow at her, clearly confused. “I think we're missing something.”

 

“Aunt Rohan wasn't human at that time,” explained Derek, pulling a rolled up piece of paper from a pile of books and bringing it to his desk. “So basically, Vlad propositioned a wolf.”

 

“Which says a lot about Vlad,” muttered Darcy with a shake of her head. “So, did you sleep with him?”

 

One of Rohan's eyebrows rose in disbelief. “Would you have?”

 

“Yes,” replied the twins immediately, causing both of Rohan's eyebrows to rise in surprise.

 

“We saw what he looked like in reality,” explained Darcy with a shrug.

 

Derek smirked. “And he was hot. I would have jumped him any day.”

 

“Hell, if he was into twins, I would have joined them,” added Darcy with her own grin.

 

Rohan groaned, dropping her head against her hand. “Now that you two have reinforced my previous concerns you have an incestuous relationship, can we please take care of this current problem before it gets worse?”

 

“But you didn't say if you'd slept with Vlad or not,” pointed out Derek with a smirk, hands easily unrolling the piece of paper he'd retrieved.

 

“I didn't,” stated Rohan firmly. “Vlad wasn't my type and I wasn't about to let a human male mount me while in that form. Now, can we please move on?” The sound of Steve choking distracted Rohan from her irritation. Gently, she patted him on the back. “Sorry Steven, I shouldn't have been so crude about the matter.”

 

“It's alright,” assured Steve. “Er, let's just get these hostages free.”

 

“Right,” muttered Derek, fingers pinning the sides of the scroll down. “Map of the Wanderer, show us the place in which we stand.”

 

Slowly, lines began to flicker across the paper from the point where Derek's fingers touched the pages. Ink flowed from here to there, slowly outlining the entire floor they were standing on. Moving dots appeared on the page as well, displayed in the same black color as the lines of the walls. Markers for doors, windows, and stairwells appeared in various places, showing escape routes.

 

“Shit, that's some trick,” muttered Clint. “Where'd you get something like that?”

 

“It's an old artifact I inherited from a previous lover,” explained Derek. “The man got into trouble, a lot. Plus, he was perpetually lost. So, he made a map that could display anything around him that he needed it to.”

 

“So, wait, you dated a Marauder?” asked Tony, eyes actually going wide. “Does that kind of magic actually exist?”

 

“What kind of magic?” questioned Rohan, brow furrowed again.

 

“He means the type in Harry Potter,” replied Darcy with a shrug. “No Tony, stuff like Hogwarts doesn't exist.”

 

Tony looked far too gleeful for anyone to be safe though. “But magic does.”

 

“You aren't learning magic, Tony,” stated Darcy firmly. “I'm not going to teach you that.”

 

“But your brother could,” pointed out Tony, grin still in place as he turned to Derek. “Right?”

 

Derek shook his head. “Sorry, I only teach magic to people who agree to sleep with me.”

 

“Done,” agreed Tony, holding out his hand to Derek.

 

Turning to his sister, Derek raised an eyebrow. “Is he serious?”

 

“Probably,” sighed Darcy.

 

“Is he any good?” asked Derek, tilting his head and looking over Tony with an appraising eye.

 

Darcy shrugged, eyes focusing on the map again. “No clue, probably? He's got a lot of practice.”

 

“Eh, sure, why not?” decided Derek with a shrug, shaking Tony's hand. “It can't be that bad of an idea.”

 

Rohan just shook her head, also focusing on the map on the table. “You are responsible for his actions if you do.”

 

“I know,” assured Derek, finger swiping across the front of the map. The lines dissolved and reformed themselves into another, albeit different, layout. “Alright, this is the main floor of the court house and this,” his finger fell on a large room filled with dots, “is one of the main courtrooms. It looks like that's where they're hiding everyone.”

 

“So these are the guards,” muttered Darcy, pointing to one of the moving dots on the page. “There aren't too many of them.”

 

“Maybe thirty in all,” agreed Rohan. “Can this map show us anyone specific?”

 

Derek shook his head. “No, though I'd assume the guy who master-minded this is either with the hostages or in the basement where he thinks it's safe.”

 

“Show us the basement,” ordered Steve, leaning slightly over Rohan's shoulder. She just moved aside to allow him an unobstructed view.

 

Flicking his fingers over the paper again, the lines reformed themselves once more into yet another layout. “This is the basement.” Several dots were roaming around the area but there were no clusters. “Huh, he's not there.”

 

“What about the DA's office?” suggested Darcy. “I'd hide there if I was going to take over a courthouse again.”

 

Steve, Rohan, Clint, Natasha, and Tony all shot her worried looks. Darcy just shrugged. “You don't know everything I've done in all my 1200 years.”

 

“Clearly,” muttered Rohan, shaking her head. “I'm assuming I don't want to know about that, either.”

 

“Probably not,” agreed Derek, fingers moving over the paper in front of him. “She's a troublemaker.”

 

“You can't talk,” pointed out Darcy, scowling slightly. “Half the trouble I've gotten into you dragged me into _or_ I got into getting you _out_ of trouble.”

 

Derek just shrugged. “Never said I could comment. Here's the top floor.” His finger landed on one room with four dots in it. “That's the DA's office.”

 

“Looks like that's where they holed up,” stated Steve. “Er, each of these dots is one person, right?”

 

“Right,” confirmed Derek. “Though it has been known to show cats, too. And trolls. But if there're trolls in the office, we're in a bit more trouble than I thought.”

 

“Trolls are extra,” muttered Clint as he leaned over Darcy's shoulder to see better. “What are the chances they're holding the DA there?”

 

“Good,” replied Darcy. “I'd be surprised if they didn't.”

 

“So we've got wondering guards, three men holding the DA in his office, and a group of men holding the rest of the hostages in a court room,” summed up Natasha, leaving the door to join the group. If Darcy had to guess, she'd say the assassin had been monitoring how many people she heard outside the office. Soundproofing only meant that whatever was _inside_ the spell didn't get _out._ Sounds outside could still get in. “How are we going to play this?”

 

“Depends on if Murdock took out the men holding him hostage yet or not,” muttered Derek. “I'm assuming not. The dots keep moving.”

 

“How would an attorney take out the men holding him hostage?” asked Tony curiously. “Bore them to death?”

 

“Nah,” replied Derek. “He's a superhero named Dare Devil. Caught him coming into the window of his apartment once when I went over to copy some of his files. He doesn't know I was there.”

 

Darcy cocked an eyebrow at her brother curiously. “And you were breaking into you're boss' apartment for some files because...”

 

“He forgot to give me copies,” explained Derek. “And I was prepping for trial the next morning. It's a valid reason for committing a B&E.”

 

“You're supposed to be an attorney,” reminded Darcy mildly. “I'm pretty sure there's some kind of irony involved in you actually _committing_ a crime.”

 

“Eh, crimes are defined by the people of the time,” reminded Derek. “Besides, old habits and all that.”

 

“Anyway,” cut in Rohan, heading off the potential argument brewing, “we need to devise a plan.”

 

Clint shrugged a little. “How about 'Tasha and I break into the air vents and start taking people out?”

 

“Too much risk people will just start shooting,” muttered Steve. “We can do that once we've managed to lure most of the men away from the hostages.”  
  
“Let me handle that,” insisted Rohan. “Derek, pull up this floor again.” Once the lines had reformed, Rohan pointed to a large atrium-style space near the elevators and staircase. “Just be waiting here. And don't shoot at me when I lead the men in.”

 

“She'll be the giant white wolf running through the hallway,” added Darcy. “You won't be able to miss her.”

 

“Right,” muttered Tony. “You're all insane, you know that right?”

 

“Like I said, getting into fights with us is fun,” insisted Darcy with a smirk.

 

Rohan, for her part, had already moved to the door of the room. “Darcy, I want you and Derek to handle the hostages. Steven, could you and Tony help me take care of the assorted guards?”

 

“Yes, ma'am,” answered Steve quickly.

 

The corners of Rohan's lips kicked up a little. “You don't need to 'ma'am' me, Steven. We aren't in the military anymore.”

 

“And where do you want us?” asked Natasha curiously.

 

Rohan considered that for a moment. “You and Clint are assassins, correct? Or at least, familiar with stealth tactics?”

 

“Yeah,” confirmed Clint. “Something like that.”

 

“Clint's a bowman, Aunt Rohan,” informed Darcy. Snapping her fingers, the clothes she had been wearing were replaced with something that looked like it belonged in a ninja. Which it had; she'd stolen the clothes from a ninja almost 600 years ago. “But Natasha is basically an assassin.”

 

“Either way, could you two handle the men holding the DA hostage?” requested Rohan. “I'd prefer someone with experience in stealth handle that.”

 

One of Natasha's eyebrows rose in surprise. “Why not Darcy and Derek?”

 

Rohan shrugged slightly. “They tend to play with their targets before they kill them. Plus, despite all of their trick playing and fighting experience, neither of them have ever used stealth to take someone down. They've used other tricks, but not stealth.”

 

“That would be Aunt Rohan's specialty,” explained Derek. “We'd rather just startle everyone, set them off balance, and then take them out. Or, you know, just outright take someone down. We haven't had a lot of luck with situations where the bad guys outnumber the hostages though.”

 

“Should we be letting them handle the hostages in the main room then?” asked Steve wearily. “We don't want people getting hurt...”

 

“It'll be fine,” assured Darcy. “Those guards are spread out enough that we can take them down without too much drama. We've got knives and magic on our side. Plus, there are fewer hostage takers than hostages.”

 

“I'm not worried,” agreed Rohan. “The men holding the DA worry me more because it's a confined space and I'd prefer we not have to deal with explaining to an innocent man how he got turned into a pig. Again.”

 

Tony looked ready to open his mouth, but Darcy and Derek cut him off. “Don't ask.”

 

“That's a little worrying to hear,” muttered Steve uneasily.

 

Clint looked equally worried. “Is it bad that I'm kinda glad we're gonna be on the other side of the building?”

 

“Hey! We were only 300 years old at the time!” objected Derek.

 

Darcy nodded. “And still learning magic. We've gotten better since then.”

 

“Agreed, but I'd still rather not risk it,” stated Rohan dismissively. One of her hands reached for the doorknob. “Alright, when the guard passes by again, I'm going to slip into the hall. Derek, can you transport Tony and Steven to the space I indicated?”

 

“Got it,” confirmed Derek, reaching out to grab both Tony and Steve's hands. “Now or once you're out?”

 

“Once I've got their attention,” replied Rohan. “I'll round up as many of the guards as I can before leading them to the atrium. Darcy, when Derek gets back, I want you two to wait until you see me heading for the atrium, then free the hostages.”

 

“No sweat,” agreed Darcy. “What about Clint and Natasha?”

 

“They should head up whenever they want to,” replied Rohan. Apparently hearing something she liked, she straightened back up and turned to look at the gathered group again. “They just need to take the leader out eventually. Remember, once I've got their attention Derek.”

 

“Got it,” confirmed Derek. “Good luck, Aunt Rohan.”

 

Nodding once, Rohan silently slipped out the door.

 

“How is Derek supposed to know when she's got their attention?” asked Steve, scratching his head a little.

 

“What the hell?” shouted one voice though the door suddenly. “Is that a wolf?”

 

A scream echoed down the hall, followed by the shout of a second voice. “Oh god, it bit me!”

 

“Quick! Catch it!” ordered a third voice, followed by the sound of pounding steps running past the office door.

 

“How the fuck did a wolf get loose in the courthouse?!” exclaimed the first voice again, fainter now, just before the footsteps disappeared.

 

Steve blinked blankly at the door. “Never mind.”

 

“That's our cue,” informed Derek with a smirk, grabbing both Steve and Tony's hands. “Back in a second.” Without any warning, he disappeared in his usual flash of light with Tony and Steve.

 

Clint just shook his head. “Darce, your family is weird.”

 

“Eh, I prefer to think of us as quirky,” explained Darcy with a shrug. “It sounds nicer than institutionally insane.”

 

“I'm not sure there's an institution in the world that would take you guys,” muttered Clint.

 

“Someone would,” insisted Darcy. “They'd at least take Derek and I. Aunt Rohan might be a bit too weird, but we aren't.”

 

Derek chose that moment to flash back in, a grin spread over his face. “Am I a horrible person for pinching Steve's ass before I flashed back here?”

 

“Yes,” replied Darcy immediately. “Mostly because you did it when I wasn't around with a video camera.”

 

“We can rectify that,” pointed out Derek. “I'll do it another time when you do have a video camera.”

 

“Deal,” stated Darcy, grinning at her brother. “So, how was it?”

 

“Nice and firm,” replied Derek with his own smug grin. “Aunt Rohan had better jump him soon.”

 

Natasha cocked an eyebrow at the twins. “What makes you think she hasn't already?”

 

“A hunch,” replied both twins.

 

“She should be less tense if she's getting regular sex,” explained Derek with a glance at his sister. “At least that's our guess.”

 

Darcy nodded. “We don't actually _know_ for sure.”

 

“How does she usually act after she's gotten laid?” asked Clint with a shrug. “It should be the same.”

 

Again, the twins glanced at each other. Darcy cocked her eyebrow at her brother, asking silently if he'd ever observed what happened. Derek just shrugged in response, indicating he didn't know.

 

“We don't actually know,” admitted Darcy slowly, brow furrowing.

 

Derek's own brow did the same. “Has Aunt Rohan ever _had_ sex?”

 

“She must have,” insisted Darcy. “She's older than all of us.”

 

“Yeah, but she was a wolf for a while,” argued Derek. “And she's so busy, I'm not sure she ever has.”

 

“She must have,” repeated Darcy firmly. “I doubt Aunt Rohan is the oldest virgin in the world.”

 

“You're right,” agreed Derek. “She must have had sex before.”

 

Clint clinked his tongue at that point, drawing both twin's attention to him. “Besides the fact that I don't think 'Tasha and I need to know _any_ of this, we should probably go save the world now. Er, well, the courthouse at least.”

 

Darcy cocked her head slightly to the side, listening carefully. She could still hear the men shouting, but it was significantly fainter. Glancing down at the map, she noted the rather nice sized group of dots currently chasing a single dot that was headed straight for the atrium. Flicking her fingers over the map just as her brother had, she watched the floor plan change to the one below them.

 

“I think we're good to go, Derek,” informed Darcy. “How do you want to handle this? Each of us takes a target?”

 

“That sounds good,” agreed Derek, walking over to the map beside his sister. “How are they spreed out?”  
  


“Pretty far,” admitted Darcy, pointing to several dots around the edge of the room. “Looks like five men total. Flash and slash?”

 

“Flash and slash,” agreed Derek. “Though if we can do that without traumatizing everyone, it would be better.”

 

“I can just freeze the room,” pointed out Darcy with a shrug. “It's not as much fun though.”

 

“And takes a lot of energy,” added Derek, mouth slanting slightly in response. “I think freezing everyone in there will take too much energy. Plus, it's a large room.”

 

“Let's get in there and decide,” opted Darcy. “Is it one level or two?”

 

“Two,” replied Derek, flicking his fingers to display the second floor again. He pointed to a spot that looked like one large room with a smaller, crescent shaped one stuffed inside. “The second story is that strange space there.”

 

“So, port to just outside two and slip in from there?” asked Darcy. “I mean, we can do it the flashy way, too.”

 

“Flashy might be better,” informed Derek. “It gives us less time to assess the situation, but it'll throw everyone off guard, giving us a better chance.”

 

“Flashy it is then,” stated Darcy. “I just don't want us to get caught off guard by a bunch of men hiding in the rafters.”

 

“I only see two dots,” observed Derek, pointing to two dots on the crescent shape inside second story of the room. “Those are balconies; we occasionally need them during trials.”

 

“If we can take them out first, we'll be in the clear from above,” started Darcy.

 

Derek picked up her line of thinking quickly. “But if there's any noise, the people below could open fire.”

 

“And vice-versa,” sighed Darcy. “Top or bottom?”

 

“Top,” replied Derek. “Can you slip in without drawing attention?”

 

“Walking through walls is my specialty,” reminded Darcy without thinking.

 

“You can walk through _walls_?!” repeated Clint.

 

Glancing up, she noted the disturbed look on his face. Right, that probably wasn't information she should have given him. “With magic, yeah. Kinda. It's hard to explain. It's more like _circumventing_ the wall than walking through it.” Shaking her head, she returned her attention to the map. “I'll explain later. Derek, do you have a plan?”

 

“I was thinking I'd take out the two guys above and distract the people below while you took care of them,” replied Derek. “Sound good?”

 

“About as good as every other plan we could try,” agreed Darcy. “So, we'll both go in, you'll take out the guys above, and I'll deal with the ones below once you've distracted them?”  
  


“Yep,” confirmed Derek. “Shall we?”

 

Darcy nodded, walking over to give Clint a quick kiss. “I'll be back. Be safe and have fun taking out the guys in the office.”

 

“Be safe yourself,” countered Clint, grabbing her head to give her a proper kiss. “See you when this is done.”

 

“Yep,” confirmed Darcy, stepping away from Clint and glancing over her shoulder. “Ready?”

 

“Go,” responded Derek, disappearing.

 

Darcy didn't waste half a second teleporting herself as well, landing outside one of the doors on the bottom floor. It was harder to teleport when you didn't know what the inside of the building was, but that's what having a telepathic connection with a twin brother was for. Summoning up a cloak, which would help hide her appearance, she shot a telepathic message to her brother. _Derek, you ready?_

 

 _Ready Rowena,_ responded Derek telepathically. _Let's go._

 

Taking a deep breath, Darcy carefully opened a sub-dimensional pathway and slipped into the room. Ducking into the first dark space she could see, she quickly scanned the room to confirm the situation at hand. She wouldn't have much time before chaos broke out, meaning she needed to examine the space as rapidly as possible. Thankfully, she'd been in enough fights that she knew how to pick up key points of interest.

 

All of the hostages were kneeling in the middle of the room, huddled together like frightened children. The five men she'd seen on the map were hanging near the edges of the room, all facing towards the hostages and paying no attention to the edges of the room. Not that they had reason to suspect anyone would come through the walls; they were arranged in such a way that at least one man had a clear line of sight for each door, if the doors opened.

 

A shout from above drew everyone's attention and prompted every thug in the room to raise their weapons with a responding shout. The flash which came from the other side of the balcony above told her Derek had teleported, probably to take out the second man. Shots rang out from above, along with a sharp shout from someone who wasn't Derek. Then he appeared at the edge of the balcony and fired at one of the men. It prompted the rest to open fire.

 

Darcy didn't hesitate, grabbing the back of the neck of the man in front of her and pushing a spell into his spine. The man fell unconscious instantly. She ported then, before anyone could see her, and flashed behind the man across from the one she'd taken out already. Above, she could hear Derek continuing to fire at the men below. Her second target fell just as quickly when she touched him as his cohort had.

 

 _Two down_ , thought Darcy, glancing around the room. _Three more to go._

 

Two of the men had moved into the center of the room so they could fire upwards, making them inconvenient targets because she'd be easily spotted taking them out. Instead, she opted to pop up behind the third man against the wall and knock him out with the same ease as before.

 

The barrage of gunfire was blocking the noise of bodies hitting the floor, which was convenient for her. Every hostage in the room had scattered when the bullets started flying, most of them taking cover in the rows of seats. She just hoped no one had gotten hurt by a stray bullet. Derek was firing downward and, though every shot had hit the wall, there was always the chance of a flying bullet.

 

With just the last two men left, Darcy didn't waste any time teleporting behind them and grabbing both their necks at the same time. It was a little harder to disable two people at once, but they fell pretty easily none the less.And with that came the silence.

 

Glancing up at the balcony, she scanned for some sign of her brother before teleporting quickly out of sight and up onto the balcony above. Glancing around, she spotted Derek immediately. “Shit.”

 

Derek was lying on the ground, blood pooling around him. His head turned slightly as Darcy approached, offering her a smile. “Could you do me a favor?”

 

“Sure,” replied Darcy, kneeling next to her brother. “What's up?”

 

Coughing slightly, Derek shifted and winced. “Can you put in some vacation days for me? Just a week's worth. I think I'll be back by then.”

 

“Might want to make it two weeks, just to be safe,” suggested Darcy. “You think this is it for you?”

 

“Definitely,” replied Derek. His eyes were glazing over, which told Darcy he wasn't going to hold on for much longer. “Hey, second favor: hide my body?”

 

“I'll make sure it disappears,” assured Darcy, reaching out to squeeze her brother's shoulder. “I'll come check on you while you're recovering.”

 

“Thanks sis,” breathed Derek before his head rolled limply back.

 

Sighing, Darcy stared at her brother's former body in silence for a moment before reaching out to close his eyelids. She raised on hand and snapped her fingers while uttering a spell. The blood on the floor shifted and reformed into a plastic sheet which she pulled around Derek's body. Laying a hand on the sheet, she teleported out of the courthouse.

 

\-------------------------------

 

“Well, that was fun,” remarked Tony as he wondered into the kitchen sans armor. “We should do it again sometime.”

 

At the counter, Rohan shrugged. “It was a little boring, but I suppose that's refreshing once in a while. Though I do prefer when I can simply kill whatever is in front of me without concern.”

 

Steve shot her a glance from where he stood beside her, raising a surprised eyebrow. “Why?”

 

“Easier,” explained Rohan with a shrug. “And faster.”

 

The super-solider looked ready to comment, but Clint burst into the room looking ready to have an aneurism. “Has anyone seen Darcy? I can't find her anywhere in the tower and she wasn't at the courthouse when all the chaos died down.”

 

“Derek is missing too, Clint,” pointed out Natasha as she followed Clint into the room calmly. “They probably went out to celebrate.”

 

Rohan shook her head, holding up a note. “Actually, Rowena went to hide her brother's body and apply for him to take two weeks of vacation.” She offered the paper to Clint calmly. “She left this in his office. Apparently, Derek was shot and died.”

 

“Shit,” muttered Tony. “Is she alright?”

 

“I'm certain she is,” assured Rohan. “She is an immortal, after all. Derek will be back in a week, two if Loki becomes clingy again. It isn't a concern.”

 

“Well, when will _she_ be back?” asked Clint worriedly. “In a week?”

 

“Tonight, most likely,” replied Rohan. “It's not _that_ hard to hide a body.”

 

Tony shook his head slowly. “Why is she hiding it? He didn't hide hers.”

 

“So Derek can keep his job,” explained Rohan. “Besides, all of you witnessed her death; he died in the balcony where no one could see him, or so her note says. It gave them a chance to hide the fact that he died from the courts. This way, Derek can come back and hold his current job until he gets bored with it.”

 

“Which probably won't take very long,” remarked Darcy as she strolled into the room. Her hair was dripping wet and she looked like hell, but otherwise she was alive. Well, as alive as she could be.

 

Rohan shrugged. “He has more patience than most. Plus, he seems to truly enjoy working for the courts.”

 

“Why are you talking like that?” asked Tony suddenly, eyes narrowing at Rohan.

 

One of Rohan's eyebrows rose in response. “Talking like what?”

 

“You don't sound...normal,” replied Tony. “Your voice is almost...”

 

“Formal?” suggested Darcy.

 

Tony nodded. “Close enough.”

 

“That happens when I have been without my human body for any period of time,” explained Rohan with a shrug. “My mind shifts along with my body and human speech becomes difficult for a period of time as a direct result.”

 

Darcy smirked a little. “Don't worry, you'll get used to it. At least this time she didn't forget English.”

 

“I have never forgotten a language, Rowena,” argued Rohan. “I may have forgotten that I was not _speaking_ the correct language, but I have never forgotten _how_ to speak a language.”

 

“I'll keep that in mind the next time you start speaking Babylonian when you're trying to speak Italian,” remarked Darcy with a shake of her head.

 

“Speaking of weird shit that shouldn't probably be able to happen,” cut in Tony, “how long until your brother rises from the dead or whatever it is you guys do?”

 

Shrugging, Darcy headed towards the coffee maker. “Probably a week. Two of Dad is feeling over-protective. Why?”  
  


“Because he owes me a magic lesson,” replied Tony with a shrug.

 

Clint groaned. “Are you really going to sleep with him just so you can learn magic?”

 

“Why not?” countered Tony. “Not like I'm a virgin.”

 

“We don't need to know anything about your sexual escapades, Tony,” informed Natasha, clearly attempting to head off any attempts by Tony to over-share. “Also, I doubt Pepper will enjoy you sleeping with a random man.”

 

“I'm pretty sure Derek was joking when he made that offer,” stated Darcy with a shake of her head. “If he _was_ being serious though, at least you'll probably have fun. I've never heard any of his partners complain.”

 

Tony shot Darcy an appraising glance. “How many partners has he had, exactly?”

 

“Around thirty,” replied Darcy with a shrug. “I think he's had that many at least. More than me, that's all I really know.”

 

“I'm pretty sure your Aunt has probably had more partners than you,” pointed out Tony. “And she's not exactly the warm and welcoming type. Beautiful, yeah, but in the same way a wolf is beautiful. You want to stare at it for a long time but getting close just sounds like a really bad idea.”

 

“No, I'm pretty sure I beat her, even with the waiting several hundred years to be with the same guy bit,” insisted Darcy. “Aunt Rohan doesn't like to sleep with people.”

 

Rohan snorted. “You speak as if I have never ventured into a man's bed.”

 

“Steve doesn't count,” stated Tony with a roll of his eyes. “We already know about him.”

 

Behind Rohan, Steve choked. “What?”

 

“I haven't lain with Steven,” remarked Rohan with a roll of her eyes.

 

Darcy's brow furrowed in confusion. “Wait, if you haven't slept with Steve, then who did you sleep with? And it still counts as Steve if you slept with him during the war, so no counting that as a separate time.”

 

Rohan shook her head. “I haven't lain with Steven, period.” Sighing, she rubbed the bridge of her nose and muttered her next words. “The only other man I have lain with was Thor.”

 

“Thor?” repeated Darcy, jaw hanging open. “ _You_ slept with _Thor_? I thought you hated him.”

 

“I didn't hate him,” corrected Rohan. “He annoyed me. There is a difference. Besides, we were both intoxicated. It was the only time I have ever been inebriated to the fullest extent that I can be. The following morning was highly uncomfortable.”

 

“Derek and I don't have any cousins we should know about, right?” asked Darcy with a grin.

 

Rohan rolled her eyes. “Really Rowena, this is not as funny as you are making it out to be.”

 

“Sure it is,” insisted Darcy. “It's hilarious. Does Thor remember that happened? It had to have been before Derek and I were born.”

 

“I don't know,” admitted Rohan. “Likely though, he has forgotten it. There were many ladies of the court vying for his attention at that time and they were far more suitable mates than I.”

 

“In other words, you still hated him back then,” stated Darcy with a shake of her head. “So you and Mom, who are sisters, each slept with one of two Aesir brothers. They must have been something back then.”

 

Shaking her head, Rohan turned to the stove and began to heat water for tea. “As I said, there was alcohol involved. I no longer drink for a good reason, and that is it.”

 

“Whatever you say, Aunt Rohan,” teased Darcy, her eyes falling on Steve. “Just be careful when you jump Steve; he's a bit more fragile than Thor.”

 

A smirk tugged at the corner of Rohan's lips. “I'm unconcerned. Steven is about as fragile as forged steel.” Her smirk widened a little. “Besides, your human manages to survive. I'm certain Steven can as well.”

 

“I'm also careful with Clint,” insisted Darcy. “Besides, Steve's sensibilities are more what I'm worried about you breaking than his body.”

 

“You aren't one to discuss breaking human sensibilities,” remarked Rohan with a snort. “I can think of several instances when you have been responsible for damaging a human's psyche.”

 

Darcy snorted. “I'm not that bad....”

 

“Would you like a chronological, geographical, or alphabetical list?” asked Rohan mildly.

 

Pausing for a moment, Darcy considered the question before shaking her head. “Never mind, I think you're right.”

 

Rohan snorted slightly, shaking her head. “I _know_ I'm right. Your mother can see everything.”

 

“Which is so disturbing when I take that thought into consideration with my sex life,” muttered Darcy, shaking her head.

 

Beside her, Clint started blushing. “I never needed to know that.”

 

“She gives you plenty of privacy,” assured Rohan. “She only uses her powers when she suspects you are causing trouble or someone is in trouble.”

 

“You know that probably means she uses them all the time, right?” asked Darcy wearily. “I don't want to know what my mom has seen me do.”

 

“No, likely you don't,” agreed Rohan, pouring her tea. “Now, if you don't mind, I would like to drink my tea in peace. Preferably with Steven.”

 

Steve grinned, pouring himself a cup as well. “I can do that.”

 

Smiling at him in return, she headed for the hallway. “Try not to get into too much trouble. Any of you.”

 

“No promises!” shouted Darcy with a grin, even as Rohan disappeared, Steve right behind her. Turning to Clint, she offered him a grin. “So, don't suppose you're willing to help get rid of the rest of my energy from the fight, huh?”

 

“Depends on how you want to get rid of it,” replied Clint with his own smirk.

 

Darcy laughed a little and headed for the hallway. “Come with me and I'll show you.”

 

Clint happily followed.


End file.
